A Pandemic of Broken Dreams

“How does one lose everything?” Billie said as she sat in the plastic chair outside the lab. She had been slouched staring at the two books in her hands. One was a huge hardbound copy and the other a mass-produced paperback with the movie adaptation poster printed on it. She cringed, twisted her lips the way she did when she didn’t know what to do and leaned back. 

   “‘Scuse me?” said a guy in a striped Polo shirt. 

   Billie then realized she said the words out loud, much too loud in fact but didn’t care. 

   “Slowly,” she said.

   The guy absentmindedly crumpled the edge of his intake form, his brows furrowed in concern half for the lady and half for his safety. There’s a lunatic in the room, he thought. 

   “Then all at once,” Billie concluded and kept quiet. 

   Surely she wouldn’t pass this drug test, the guy said in his mind. 

   “And why is that?” 

   The guy almost fell from his seat as he turned around only to see the crazy lady with fading pink highlights on her frisky hair glaring at him. 

   “S… Sorry, did I say anything?”

   “You said I wouldn’t pass the drug test.”

   “I uh… Pretty sure I didn’t say that.” He managed a smile. “Good day to you.”

   “If you say so.”

Ting! 

“Mr. Cruz on window six please. Mr. Cruz on window six.”

   Robert Cruz did as he was told. He straightened the paper in his hands before he slid it through the window. The lady took it and went on typing away at her computer and threw Robert’s paper on top of the pile of intake forms mounting on the other side of her desk. Billie watched him as he answered a few questions and walked back to his seat which was already occupied. He looked around nervously, hoping someone would be called when he found that the only seats left were the two empty ones beside Billie. He left one seat open so that there was a space between them. 

   “I’m not a lunatic, you know,” said Billie. Now she was looking at him with an amused smile as if he was the lunatic. 

   Did he speak his thoughts out loud? Maybe he did. He ought to apologize. Yes, that was the only way he could diffuse this insane tension which he created. 

   “I’m sorry I didn’t… I--”

   “It’s alright. I’m Billie.” She extended a hand, took it back and did the hand sign from Star Trek instead. “Best be safe.”

   “Right.” Robert laughed shakily. He deliberated if he should do the hand sign himself but decided against it. “I’m Rob.” 

   “Nice to meet you, Rob. So, what are you in for?”

   He gave her a curious look. “You say that as if we’ve been arrested or something.” 

   “Haven’t we? I’m kidding. Lighten up.”

   “Well, I’m sorry but you kind of creeped me out there. I… I don’t mean… I don’t think you’re a creep. God, I should stop talking now.”

   “Ah, anxiety. Suddenly people are finally walking in my shoes. I guess a pandemic would do that to you.” She twisted her lips again and went back to her pensive state, this time staring at… What was she staring at? Robert thought. The void. That’s what. But why did she look so sad? Just moments ago, he seemed to amuse her. 

   “How about you, what are you in for?” he said, trying to “lighten up”. 

   “MXT,” she said. “They’re looking for a ‘community manager’.” She shook her head. “You?”

   “Tech support. As usual. Not much choice these days, wouldn’t you say?”

   “You don’t like it?”

   “I do. It’s just, I didn’t think--”

   “I’ll be here again,” they said in unison.

   “Right,” said Rob. “I was supposed to go to a pilot school. I mean you know, flying school? Got my papers and all then this virus shit hit the fan and here I am.”

   “Here we are.”

   “You were supposed to be going somewhere too, I suppose?”

   “Yep.” Billie nodded and bit her lip in contempt. “Drama school. All down the drain.”

   “Is that why you’re sad? Sorry, you don’t have to answer that.”

   “We’re all sad.”

   Robert sighed. It was his turn to stare at the void. 

   “What happened?” asked Billie. “I mean, besides this pandemic… thing.”

   “My parents happened. They needed the money for their mortgage. They were gonna lose the house. I promised myself I would go the next school year if not this coming semester but now it’s all gone.”

   “You gave your money? That was hmm… kind of you.”

   “Nah.” 

   Billie sensed the same contempt that was brewing inside her breathing out of Rob’s nose. 

   “Guilt, then,” she said. “It’s always guilt.”

   Rob let out a single laugh. “You said it.”

   “That was Hemingway I was quoting, you know,” Billie said after a while. They still haven’t been called into the lab. “A misquote if you must.”

   “It’s no longer a quote then. It’s yours.”

   “I suppose.”

   “I read Hemingway in high school. Didn’t like it.”

   “Oh god, you’re one of them. I take it you don’t read fiction?”

   “I don’t read much.”

   Billie’s heart sank. Here was someone with whom she could maybe be friends but that went down the drain fast. 

   “You’re going to do a lot of reading in flying school.”

   “I know. That’s different, though. I’ll read a pile of thick books like that if I have to. Had to.”

   “How about let’s not talk about our broken dreams?”

   “I wanna get out of here. How long do you think this would take? I’ve been here since forever.”

   “Well, you walked in about two hours since I was here. You’re gonna be here a while, pal.”

   “Damn. Is their system here still that inefficient?”

   “Afraid so.”

   Billie started flipping through her paperback, disappointed that Rob didn’t even think of being friends with her. She had read two pages when she heard Rob’s voice again. 

   “What was that?” she said. 

   “Is that why you were sad and speaking to yourself? Right, sorry. No talks about broken dreams.”

   “Look, you’re screaming white. Not an old white guy but still white. You have way more chances of rebuilding yours in the states. Why are you here?”

   “It’s an uncomfortable and difficult topic so maybe you’re right. Let’s not talk about it.”

   “I’m just saying. You have the privilege. I don’t. Alright, fine. Enough of it. You have family here?”

   “I have dual citizenship but my family is in the US. Hence, the mortgage. My school money.”

   “And what’s your plan? Let me guess, you’re going to save up and then go back to school.”

   “We both know what that really means.”

   “Scholarships? Student loans?”

   “I uh… Kind of rage quit on everything. I regret it but--”

   “Well then, it’s not yet too late. At least for you.”

   The lady on the speaker called about five more names. Still no Billie nor Rob. 

   “You’re right though,” Billie said. 

   “Hmm?”

   “I’m not going to pass this drug test.”

   “Did I really say that out loud?”

   “Nope.”

   “Then how did you--”

   “I don’t do hard stuff. It’s just weed. But I came from Vegas. Surely there should be some consideration for that. Didn’t you smoke?”

   “Well, it’s been three months. LA. I came from LA. I should get a free pass too but I decided to wait three months before I applied. They say it should be out of your system after three months.”

   Billie laughed.

   “What? That ain’t true? Maybe I should get out of here.”

   “No, I really don’t know. I just don’t care.”

   “Well, hey! Those people were just here before me. They’re going in the lab now. How come your name hasn’t been called?”

   “I didn’t submit my paper.”

   “I… don’t understand.”

   “I’ve been waiting for a sign.”

   “A sign?”

   “Right before I flew back to this god awful country, I was going to run away from my flight and just forget about it all. Stay there illegally and take my chances. Or not. I didn’t care. I just wanted to not come back here. But I once again ignored my intuition. You being here and telling me your story--”

   “I didn’t really tell you anything--”

   “I think I’ll do what I really want to do this time.”

   “And what is that?”

   “I have no idea but I should get out of here.”

   “What?! Wait, hey!”

   “Do you want to be friends?”

   “Uhm, sure but--”

   Billie handed him her mobile phone. “Give me your number. They’re calling you next.”

   “But how do you know these things?”

   Ting! 

   “Cruz, Mendez, Alonzo, Johnson, proceed to the lab please.”

   Robert Cruz keyed in his number and Billie rang it once. 

   “Save it. I hope you don’t block my number, Rob.”

   “I won’t. It’s nice meeting you.”

   Rob held out a hand and Billie shook it this time.

   “I’ll see you around.”

   “Where?”

   “Mr. Cruz, please proceed to the lab. Mr. Cruz to the lab please.”

   “On the plane. When you’re flying it. You better give me the best champagne on your aircraft, captain.”

   Billie gave him a salute and watched him walk over to the shabby door. Rob looked back and smiled before he went in.

   “I guess I’ll see you on Broadway!” Rob yelled. 

   The door closed.