Lisa Black

Lisa laid on her bed, watching the uncanny dancing shadows casted by the moon light, that moved about the dusk covered ceiling. It was these shadows that dredge the recesses of her mind disturbing the delicate sheet of calm that shielded her psyche from her subconscious. The memories that floated beneath the surface were like a festering corpus polluting the shores of her mind.

 Time passed slowly as she waited for her biyogen activation. She could not stop the toxic thoughts, because she was beyond depression,“This is my fault, some how I just know it. I should have received an activation code already. They said two to three business days, and its been nine months. I am always the problem! I am just a poisonous, ugly foul creature. Who has to lying to herself just to make it to the next day. I can’t wait until I can cleanse my existence from reality.” She wanted to scream, yell, destroy. She wanted to do anything beside this, she needed to be someone else. She could not be Lisa Black anymore. 

She tried, but could not hold back the upwelling of unwanted emotions. That flowed towards an all-encompassing need, “Biyogen.” Lisa blinked as she thought, "Time, to check her circadian world clock," the clock tab read 3:45 a.m. she sighed and thought, “Why is it, that I’m out of sync. Always going against the regular flow of time, and I find myself stuck in the purgatory that is me.” Lisa eyes shifted as movement caught them. She thought got damn space roaches. They keep getting in the house. As she move to get rid of the bug, she was chilled by the sight.

 Frozen in place she stared into the blackest corner of her room, something that looked like a black snake, slithering into the darkness. Eyes widening in fear, Lisa move back onto her bed, pulling the covers close and used the optical zoom of her eyes. There was nothing in the darkness, just dust particles and strands of red hair. Relaxing when she found nothing, she assumed it was sleep deprivation and said, “I guess I’m just seeing things now. That is just fucking fanstatic.”

Lisa could only describe the feeling as a sense of freedom, and not trapped inside her mind was for the best. Her retina projected the image, and she began flipping through the tabs. Smoothly working her fingers along her mental keyboard, she clicked the email tab and began a search for Brightmen. Lisa prayed to the gods each time she did this search that she’d mistakenly missed a message or something. She wondered if there was, any sign that Brightmen knew she existed. “Any sign would ease the growing pains of waiting,” she thought. Her mood became darker and feelings of depression began rise. The search found nothing… She sighed, cleared the screen and began reading todays emails. 

The message at the top was far from the comforting embrace she’d wished. The message header read from Ricky, and the subject bar was “Down to fu…” Anger swept over her as she swiped her fingers, deleting the message before she could even finish reading. She wondered how long she’d set here in what could only be described as a coffin, suffocating in this small dark space with no escape. For what felt like the hundred billionth time Lisa went to Brightmen Corp’s web page, to check her inquiry status. Signing into her account, she quickly scrolled to the bottom where the customer service section was located. The status bar flashed the same message for weeks now, “inquiry PENDING until further notice.” Lisa gently passed three fingers down the middle of her face; it was something he did and it still calm her. 

Lisa had to vent, some of her frustration, vr games was best way to be someone else. The exhaustion Lisa felt seeped into the core of her being, and she couldn’t help but yawn and stretch as her mind lingered on a razor edge between fatigue and agitation. She relaxed just a touch, as a cool breeze, kissed the tip of her toe, and flowed along the length of the silky skin. The shifting of the windows curtains caused her eyes to be lured to the two moons that sat high in the sky. For a time, Lisa watched the moons and wondered, “How those two moons always reminded her of a mother’s judgmental eyes?” 

With that thought a childhood memory drifted up from the abyss that was her mind and her Eve displayed the memory as if she was watching an ultra-high definition movie. “Mommie I don’t feel good.” With emotionless eyes, her mother looked down, at her own child as if she was a pest she couldn’t get rid of, “You will be okay, just go to school.” Okay…Mommie.” Please don’t call me Mommie it irritates the hell out of me.” As Lisa watched the unwanted memory she could hear the cry for help in those two simple words. “Okay… mom.” This memory use to make her cry but now she just did not care enough. This was one of those moments she could never forget or escape. One of the first moments that she began loathing her mother instead of loving. With a swipe of her fingers the memory scape flicked and switched off. 

That particular inquiry didn’t take Brightmen weeks to responded back to her. The message read, “Law number 254, An adolescence body and mind is not fully developed until the age of eighteen. As a result, the adolescence body and mind will reject the Biyogen upgrades until one’s adult identity has been developed. This is the human body physiological functions such as growth and mental capabilities. We are sorry to inform, Lisa that your request for Biyogen upgrades has been denial, and the inquiry has been closed. Thank you for your support. Unlock your potential. Go beyond the shackles. Become your truest self….” Her life had become a black comedy too vulgar to watch, and still, she couldn’t sleep.

  Another memory floated up and she projected the memory scape just to pass time. “Okay mom. Lisa obey her mother’s wishes even though she could hardly breath and went to school. When I arrived at school I felt even worse. Cold and shivering I told mom bye and went to class. Mommie rolled her eyes and drove off, creating streams of dark smoke in the air. Lisa thought, Maybe I will feel better if I just lay my head down. Setting down in the closest desk, she laid her head down. The cold surface of the desk felt good to Lisa and she relaxed for just a moment. Ms. Spark noticed and came over and said, “Lisa you can’t sleep in class and this is not your desk.” Lifting my head was painful and the sweat dripping down into my eyes caused them to burn. I just nodded to Ms. Spark and said okay. Ms. Spark looked surprised and afraid. Lisa swiped the memory scape away. 

She could not imagined, last long like this, the mind always racing and never resting. Reading had become an unwanted pass time, countless blogs and q&a’s later and still she had no answers about the Brightmen’s system upgrade schedule. All the websites and people said the same thing, “The bright-men system activation would take at most two to three business days after your eighteenth birthday.” The upgrade was supposed to be an automatic system function. She looked at her calendar; it had been over nine months now and she was due another birthday soon. For 300 days, straight now Lisa had called once a day every day since her last birthday, and still, she had made zero progress. She felt like she was trying to climb a glacier with hands that melted the ice. With that thought, she quoted some writer whose name she couldn’t remember “Fingertips grasping, but never grabbing.” 

This time Lisa recalled the memory herself, “Ms. Spark quickly moved away and contacted the school nurse. Sickness was almost unheard of and here I was about to infect my entire class. I got out of my seat and the other children began screaming and pointing. My head was spinning and I closed my eyes to keep the room from falling to the ground. One of the other kids ran over and said, “Ewww. It’s all over the chair. I won’t be sitting there again.” The other kids began laughing, as I looked down and saw a dark red spot on the crouch of my pants. My emotions began to rise and although I was sick and needed help. All I could think about was how much I hated this little boy. Grabbing a pencil Lisa jammed the pencil as a far as she could force it into the boy’s eye. He fell to ground in a heap. Lisa closed the memory file. Although waiting for her system upgrades was hell itself. Lisa avoiding sleep like it was a diseased creature. “This sleepless hell was preferred over that hell.” Lisa could have jump out of her own skin when the black snake slithered along the wall. Blinking the exhaustion away and rubbing the grit out of her eyes to clear her vision, she looked again and found there was nothing on the wall. “…Nothing but a crazy girl,” she thought. 

Recalling the memory scape again, she was pulled away from reality. “Screaming assaulted her ear drums and the teacher grabbed me so hard I could feel the bones in my wrist grinding together. It was painful but I just didn’t care. I did like the sound the pencil made as I pulled it out and drop it to the floor. I was taken to the nurse office and put into a dark room. At some point I fell to sleep, and was awoken by my screaming mother. Where is my child, my mother screamed?” The memory file closed. Lisa wanted to scream, anytime she remember her mother, “Anything to forget that miserable bitch.” She though hopefully “if God hates. I sure he will take the time to strike me down, ending my existence.” 

Looking down at her sweating body she despised being human even more. It was times like these that reminded her of the growing need for her Biyogen upgrades. She spoke, “I shouldn’t even be worrying about body heat right now. I should have complete control over basic body function such as body temperature.” Fidgeting with the covers, Lisa began rolling around in bed. Searching for that prized cool spot, she moved towards the end of the bed where the beautifully engraved mirror set. Life on most days to Lisa was a travesty, but on those rare days when she would forget, she would stare at the reflection in the mirror. Everything she hated set in this mirror. This mirror represented the personification of narcissism but in a self-hatred sense and she knew she wasn’t the person she needed to be. This body wasn’t her real body. The horrible truth was obvious…. And not for the first time today she told herself, “Somehow my being born had destroyed my life, and I will never receive my upgrade. If only you were someone else, then your life would be much better without you in it.”

At this moment, recalling a memory was one of the last things she wanted to do, it was just a fact that the memories were a great distraction from reality. Looking at the clock prove that fact, it was 5:00 am. “I watched as the car pull up and I could already see mother’s disappointment and disgust. The atmosphere of the car ride was oppressive and mother said nothing the entire time. I wanted to say mom I really don’t feel good. I felt even worse, and when I coughed suffocation greeted me and I couldn’t breathe. It was so scary choking on nothing. I looked at mother like a starving child, I wanted her to say, how are you dear? Are you okay? I will take you to the hospital. Maybe it was the fever but I decided to ask a simple question, Mom do you regret having me? She looked at me and said If I had to do it over I wouldn’t do it again. I had always felt that my mother didn’t like me but now I knew it to be true. I set in the car quite.” The memory scape ended.

That was the reason she placed the beautifully crafted vanity mirror at the edge of her bed just to remind herself of how ugly and useless she was in everyone’s eyes including her own. As long as she was a common human nothing would change for her. She spoke then, as she glared at the mirror, and every word that left her mouth dripped with self-hatred, “Why do you exist?” As her emotional state began to reach its climax a large glob of spit hit the reflection right above the mirror image’s eyebrow. Lisa’s spit held so much vehemence that the saliva could have charred the mirror. She imagined her image burning until it blackens and bubbled up from the intense heat. She watched in disgust as the fluids rolled slowly down the length of the mirror. 

 It was the “idea of being forgotten” that begun eating at her sanity like a glutton who couldn’t be sated. “How would I achieve my goals,” she wondered. “Why haven’t I received my system update?” How much longer do I have to wait until I can create the perfect me? She cried. What would my life be like if I were someone I wanted to be? To be wealthy and famous would just be a start,” she thought. She could feel the tingling sensation rise from her groin as she imagined the next step in her life. “It would only make sense that the whole of humanity in all the nine worlds loved and treasured me as though I were a god. To have humanity willing to sacrifice life and limb for just a glimpse of me, would maybe be enough to satisfy my thirst. To be the perfect woman in everyone’s eyes.” Chanting this last thought as if it was a pray to Aphrodite herself. “That’s the life I need to live,” she closed her eyes to relish this moment of ecstasy. The moment was soon gone as she opened her eyes to this dull pathetic reality of her shitty life and it all began to sink in as she rolled over in her bed again. 

This was Lisa’s everyday routine and it never got easier. All she could do was wait until Bright-men contacted her. She peered out the window to the night sky, thinking about those what if’s that plagued her, there was nothing, that could be done with the what if’s that orbit the empty spaces of her mind.

The hopelessness was momentarily shattered by the harmony that began ringing within Lisa’s mind. This was surprising and caused nervous tension to rise in Lisa, she’d never received a phone call. She was permanently listed as do not disturb unless there is an emergency, but there was no mistaken the cadence of an eve call alert. The rhythmic melody she’d created stimulated sensory neurons at just the right frequency for calm, causing a wave that rippled through her entire body, relaxing her frantic mind. The calming effect didn’t last long because she knew one thing, nothing good would come from this call. Lisa eyed the call worriedly as she bit on her own fingernails. “Did they find out what I did?” She thought with no remorse. “It could be family members but why would they call me, after what I did?” Lisa couldn’t finish her thoughts of her family. This time Lisa didn’t allow the memory file to open to present some horrible showing of her past. 

Chastising herself “I’m so stupid for not looking at the caller ID first. What kind of idiot are you,” she said as she looked over to the mirror. Lisa’s BioYocto chip began the process for receiving a call by continuously capturing the wavelengths to relay the call. Like pushing a start button Lisa’s eyes immediately began to react to the chemical signals from the incoming EVE call. The crystallized lens of her eyes became a medium as the crystal lens refracted the available light waves inside the room. The projection read incoming call from…. Pausing in disbelief. “Bright-men Corporation…” The pupils of her eyes began to grow in size rapidly as her EVE system began manipulating the moonlight needed for the projected persona. The final step was to materialize the persona of Lady Ava Gale, this was the jobs her retina.  

Still, the cadence rang. Lisa discovered that the curves of the other woman’s body could only be seen as wonderfully perfect. The spiraling white curls formed Ava’s heart shaped face superbly. Even the way her thick frosty curls laid on her shoulders fit seamlessly with the forms of her body. Lady Ava held a feline quality. The way she moved was reminisce of a graceful cat. It was also the shape of her eyes, the bridge of her nose, the placement of her freckles like a constellation of stars and it all reminded Lisa of a beautiful snow leopard. Lady Ava Gale was the most wonderfully beautiful person Lisa had ever seen. She knew in that moment why everybody admired Lady Ava and in that moment Lisa knew she would always detest this perfect being.