Among the crowd...

Deep breath in, deep breath out, deep breath in, deep breath out.

My ears felt clogged as the noise surrounding me dissolved. My heart pounded like a drum in my ears, of who’s beat seemed to be getting louder by the second. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping to ease the throb in my head. The air felt heavy and smelled a bit like paint. Collage was enough of a torture for me, did they have to make the talent show mandatory?

My name is Haru Aki. Currently attending my sophomore year at STANFORD UNIVERSITY in California. I am originally from Tokyo, Japan. But I am pretty sure you figured that out by my name. Four years ago, I got a mail from this university telling me I passed the exam. Coming here was the easy part, but after that, I was dragged through hell…

The bullying never stopped, and nobody cared either. They just saw me as an outsider, someone they would never accept. I had never felt as unloved as I felt past the four years I spent here. I felt my head sting with pain as memories flooded. I couldn’t quit, I couldn’t run away.

I was all that was left for my family, I was their only hope. After the death of my brother, my dad left us. The same man who hugged me when it snowed to keep me warm, who played hide and seek with me in our family house, who gave me piggy-back rides, walked away from me, from us, and never turned back.

I hated him for that.

 It felt like every moment we spent together was fake. My mother stuck with me till the very end, that was before they found out she had cancer, a lung cancer. She has been in the hospital ever since.

I clenched my fists, digging my nails into my palm. I didn’t feel anything, no pain, nothing. Something cold trickled down my fingers.

 I drew blood again huh?                                                      

“Miss Haru, miss Haru? Haru?” a muffled voice spoke. Soon after that, I felt a hand on my shoulder, snapping back into reality I jerked away from the speaker.

It was a lady, a fairly short one. She was wearing one of the ‘STAFF’ vests with her brown hair tied up into a pony. She looked at me, her eyes laced with concern. “Are you alright? Would you like me to call the clinic? You don’t look so well.” She said.

It took me a minute to register what she was saying. “I am fine… thank you.” I mumbled. She responded with a smile, “Well, you are up on stage in ten minutes. Are you ready?” she spoke. I gave her a small nod, “Now what is your act for the day?” she asked looking down at her clipboard.

After a little pause, “Dance…” I almost whispered.

“Good. Okay, you are all set. All the best!” she said flashing an encouraging smile at me before disappearing behind the chaos before me.

I looked at the small set of stairs I had to ascend in about five minutes, my heart started racing just at the thought of having to walk up these stairs, how on earth am I going to make it through this?

“Ok, you're up!” the lady I met a few minutes ago whispered into my ear. She gently pushed me in the direction of the stairs and gave me a thumbs up. Reaching in my pocket I grabbed a rubber band and tied my hair up with it, my shaking hands made it all but worse.

Giving the lady a small nod, I slowly ascended up the stairs.

The chatter of the hall slowly died as I reached the center of the huge stage. I looked up to meet the eyes of about a hundred people staring back at me with nothing but boredom and judgment in their eyes.

I froze. I did give a few performances before, but none of them were this big. And a talent contest in collage was an eternal nightmare. One mistake and it was like a free invitation for the bullies to pick on you for the whole year.

I closed my eyes as a drop of sweat rolled down my temple.

It felt like Deja Vu…

Why did it feel like that?

The dragon festival.

I was about five years old when I had to dance for a yearly festival in my motherland, Japan.

My hands had started to shake at the thought of making about twenty people disappointed in me. That was when I had had my first panic attack. I started panting, my knees felt weak and my vision seemed to be getting blurrier by the second.

He had given a hug then, my brother, and said, “It’s ok Haru, It’s fine if they don’t like you because I love you and I will always love what you do, no matter how bad or good it is… so it’s okay…” after that small moment we had I felt comforted and safe, a feeling I still miss with all my heart.

My brother was everything I wasn’t, smart handsome, tall. He was everything everybody wanted, and yet, he never let me feel any less loved than him. His name was Sora, Sora Aki. It meant ‘sky’. And true to his name, his heart was as big as the sky… his endless love for everyone never dried out.

They never told me what happened to him. Everyone just looked at me, their eyes filled with pity, and said, “He was so young… it’s very tragic, really.”

Brother Sora’s funeral was the worst. I had run away from the horde there just to be able to breathe a little.

I inhaled deeply. Upon hearing the starting beats of the song my body moved on its own. Each time I felt I couldn’t make it, I remembered the warmth in his hug and danced with more passion.

My dance was based on a story about this girl who felt unloved yet pushed through every day, then one day she gave up…forever. It was my favorite, it just had so much depth in it that it was impossible to not fall in love with it. I finally ended by slowly laying myself on the cold floor of the stage and curled myself into a ball as the beats slowly faded.

The room was quiet for a few moments after this. I slowly got up once the music ended and stood straight before my audience. I awkwardly shifted from one foot to another waiting for a response from them.

Was it that bad? Why don’t I just die-

Just then, someone from the back of the hall slowly got up and clapped his hands, the sound echoed through the hall. Then someone else joined in, then a few more did, soon the whole hall were on their feet applauding loudly. I smiled with pride in my posture and relief in my eyes, as I gave my audience a professional bow.

I did it…

Letting out a breath I didn’t know I was holding in, I scanned the crowd, this moment is something I want to be engraved in my mind, forever-

Just then, I caught someone moving their way up to the stage from the corner of my eye.

It can’t be…

I slowly turned to the person. A man, who once looked like he had come from a comic book. With blondish brown bangs, sharp features, and a six-foot figure, he seemed too ethereal to be real.

Now it looked quite different, his skin was a weird shade of bluish-green, his hair now coal black, not to miss the huge depression on the right side of his head. Even though he looked a lot different from when I knew him, I could still tell who he was.

A psychotic smirk graced his lips as he made his way up to the front of the hall.

My breathing got heavy again, the noise in the room dropped to a pin-drop-silence. He slowly lifted his hands and clapped, “Well done… Haru…” he spoke with a rough voice.

How is t-this possible? Am I-I dreaming?

My legs wouldn’t move an inch, I could feel my hands trembling.

Mustering the last ounce of courage, I had left within, I spoke…

“Brother Sora…”