Lost at Sea

 "Lost at Sea"

 I lay here with oars to my right, staring at the stars above, as meteors grace the night sky. The moon lit backdrop, thick with mist, as if the clouds came down from heaven itself, lend the canvas on which the master paints.

One, two ... I've never seen so many shooting stars in such a short span of time.  The darkness nearly as thick as the mist behind me, yet the moon in all her glory shines her light, as if she on this night were the sun.

 At this moment, and although I lay here alone, know with all that's in me I am not, nor have I ever been. No, tonight she shines like the sun will never rise again, and I, here alone, wonder the same. Is this to be my last? I implore for it not to be.

Gazing in awe of such beauty, the stars above remind me of the beauty we so often ignore.  Let it not be! Ten days I've drifted, ten nights I have witnessed, and for those ten I feel the same ... I need more. Ten will never do. Nearly starving, I implore you. Let it not be!

My dreams haunt me! I cannot bear to sleep. All my life I've never known such beauty, yet it was never far from me. All my life I wasted. All my life full of could have been's. On this night I beg for mercy. Just give me ten more days.

How could I have been so blind? It's all right in front of me. I wish for it not to be, but I cannot deny the truth. How could I have been so blind? Will I wake tomorrow if I sleep? Will you torment me with the nightmares of neglect? Let me not sleep. I cannot bear to leave this place. Not yet!

I haven't eaten for days. My fresh water nearly gone, yet I cannot bear to leave this place. Not on this night! So much beauty, as if it were never known. This beauty compels me to plea. May it not end on this night. I ask for ten more days. Have mercy on this soul.

The moonlight has become my grace. Tonight she is my sun, and the stars? The stars paint this canvas, reminding me that hope is not yet lost.

Hope, yes there is still hope for me. I will not quit. I will not give up. I will not give in. Not on this night! Tomorrow the sun will rise again, but will ten more days be enough? No! It will not be enough!

I will not quit! I will not give up! I will not give in ... I will reach the shore. My eyes so heavy I can barely stand to not close them. I cannot bear the thought of never waking again. I will not quit. I will not give up. I will not give in. I will live to see another day!

What's this? The light is too bright; I cannot see. I know this is not my end. Let me sit here until my sight returns. Nothing! I see nothing but white light! Tell me this is not the end! I implore you! Tell me ... Wait ...

Ahh, now I see. The canvas is becoming clearer now. I can hear the waves lapping against my boat as well. How could my ears have been so blind? I thought I had died.

As I sat on that boat, lost at Sea, I was shown wondrous works. Works with such grace I could not begin to explain how profound. My eyes opened, my ears were no longer blind, and I was granted the ability to hear with such clarity that I cannot remain silent.

I had never known such grace. I had never understood salvation, even as I lay there asking for just ten more days. The morning after I awoke, I realized I would never be the same, nor would I ever want to be. I had never known such beauty, nor had I ever felt so alone.

Today, I live differently than I had before, before I witnessed the masters touch in such a profound way. I no longer pass by flowers in bloom without breathing them in long enough for the scent to linger on my pallet. I no longer pass them by without admiring thier beauty. I no longer miss sunrises or sunsets, nor do I neglect the scent and sound of rain falling on a tin roof, the lightning flashing, the vibration of thunder shaking the ground, the smell of freshly cut grass, or the sound of songbirds as the sun grace's us with her light.

Ahh, but the moon... The moon, she saved my life. It's her light I now cherish most, for she the one who saved me on that night.

It was only two more days from the morning after that I drifted on. Yes, I received my ten more. It has been twenty years and there hasn't been a day or night since that I fail to embrace this world's beauty. There's so much yet to see, so much more to experience, and if I were given a thousand more years, even then, it would never be enough.

It makes me wonder how I could have ever been so blind. It's difficult to imagine how I ever was, as I think about me twenty years prior. After feeling the masters touch, after the moon shared her grace, after driftng for 12 days alone at Sea, and nearly starving for nearly the same, life has given me something I never knew existed ... A different way of seeing, a different way of hearing, and an understanding I don't think can be taught. Nay, this comes by experience, but isn't that life? Isn't life a collection of experiences garnered over the span of a man or womans lifetime, all of which make us who we are?

I am truly grateful today, but yet even today, nor the years since, that I found myself lost at Sea, have I ever been more grateful than the night I found my life in the light of the moon, as shooting stars filled the sky. I lay there with oars to my right, staring at the stars above. On that night, laying there alone, watching the stars under moon lit sky, I realized I was not, nor have I ever been.

© James P. Belt

a.k.a. James Jacob Beltsmith