Anticipation and the What If’s

I can’t sleep.

A little nervous about tomorrow.

New beginnings can be scary.

I roll over thinking that will help, but the thoughts roll over with me.

The list is endless.

The list of What If’s.

I am not certain whether or not to dread, or to be excited.

Maybe if I write it down,

all the possible train wreck-y things that may occur, I will feel better. I might as well make productive use of my time given that sleep is not on the table or with my pillow and my bed for right now.

Here goes.

What If list:

What If I cannot find my first class.

What if the hallways are too crowded and I am late to class.

What if I cannot find a good desk to sit in during class.

What if the person next to me is weird.

What if I am weird.

What if I cannot hear the teacher.

What if I am called on and don’t know the answer.

What if I can speak loud enough for the teacher to hear me.

What if I know the answer but forget to say it correctly.

What if I get called on during the spelling portion of the lesson.

Why do I feel like everyone is watching me?

What if I drop my books on the floor.

What if I drop my books in the hallway.

What if I bring the wrong book to class.

What if I left the book in my locker.

What if I cannot find my locker.

What if I forget the locker combination.

What if my locker is far away from my classes.

What if I forget my pencil.

What if I forget my notebook.

What if I forget my eraser.

Why do I feel like everyone is watching me?

What if I cannot find my friends in the lunchroom.

What if I forgot my lunch.

What if my friends forgot their lunch.

What if I forgot my milk money.

What if the lunchroom is too noisy.

What if I am too noisy.

What if it smells in the lunchroom.

What if the recess bell is not loud enough.

What if the recess bell is too loud.

What if a I cannot find my friends on the playground.

Why do I feel like everyone is watching me?

What if I talk in line on the way to morning mass.

What if the teacher sees me giggling in church.

What if I forget the sermon.

What if the teacher calls on me to recite the homily message.

What if I forget to offer peace to my friend, neighbor, teachers.

What if I talk in the halls between classes.

What if chew gum in the halls.

What if I accidentally swallow my gum.

What if it really takes 7 years to digest.

What if my mom yells at me for swallowing the gum.

Why do I feel like everyone is watching me?

What if I forget my gym uniform.

What if a I forget my gym shoes.

What if I forget where the gym is.

What if a I look like a dufus during calisthenics.

What if I do not get picked for a team.

What if I do get picked on a team.

What if I let the ball go through the wickets.

What if my friend lets the ball go through the wickets.

What if I swing and miss, whiff…

What if I hit a triple and run the opposite direction.

Why do I feel like everyone is watching me?

What if I am late to afternoon science class.

What if I am too early for afternoon science class.

What if I forget my reading book.

What if I forgot to read my reading book.

What if I forgot to do the homework.

What if I did the wrong homework.

What if I lose my backpack.

What if the zipper breaks on my backpack.

What if my backpack is too heavy.

What if my backpack is lame, not cool.

Why do I feel like everyone is watching me?

What if I pack the wrong homework book.

What if I am late to the bus line.

What if the bus line has already left.

What if I trip up the bus steps.

What if everyone laughs at me for tripping.

What if I cannot find a seat on the bus.

What if the kid who sits next to me on the bus has to throw up.

What if I have to throw up.

What if I sit in the way back.

What if I sit in the way front.

Why do I feel like everyone is watching me?

What if I miss my bus stop.

What if I forget the way to home.

What if I forget to find my brother.

What if I forget my key to the door.

What if I forget to call my mother.

What if I forget to call my father.

What if I forget to feed the dog.

What if I forget to walk the dog.

What if the dog doesn’t want to go for a walk.

What if the dog just wants to take a nap.

I think that I will join him and take a nap.

The dog.

I am dog tired after all.

I think I will barely be walking by the end of the semester the way things are going, the way they are right now.

How will I make it through the school day unconfused, refused and

not bemused?

Ohhhhhh.

While napping with the dog, it hit me.

Now I remember.

And wonderfully my fear subsided, vanished even.

The part of today’s sermon wherein the lesson said for me to cast my fears.

On Him.

Phew.

I am glad I remember that.

Did not forget.

I tap the dog on the head and tell him it’s time for our walk.

He immediately bounces up and says,

Let’s Go!

The peace that passes understanding is shared and shared alike with best practices. And just the right amount of love. (pf) We arrived back home and the dog raced to his water bowl. Lapping up like a wild child.

A thirsty and happy and loved good dog.

Is a happy dog.

Maybe I can bring him to school tomorrow…….🫢

Wishful thinking, not possible, I know.

For me, it is enough to know He will be waiting for me at home.

After a day in the trenches of the school day routine.