I anxiously rummaged through my grandma’s old box containing her belongings. I wasn’t sure what I would find, but all of her old mementos and knickknacks made me feel closer to her. It’s only been a few days since she left this earth, so I still longed for her presence. 

I took a deep breath and fought back the tears that threatened to stain my brown cheeks. I needed to be strong because I wanted to showcase something special about her at her funeral. My grandmother had a complicated past, so she didn’t exactly get along with everyone in our family and community.

Although she was well-known around here for her activism and selfless work, she also had a reputation for having an unruly side. I understood why because she wanted to protect herself and her family, but it also affected her reputation. 

I was getting frustrated because all I saw were old pieces of clothing and photos that I’d seen a dozen times. I knew she had to have something that stood out from everything I was seeing. 

I sighed and slowly got up from my current position to stretch my legs. Her attic was cramped, so there wasn’t much room to feel comfortable. I looked around in disappointment at the old cobwebs and assortment of boxes that littered the ground. An old damp smell invaded my nostrils, and I started to feel depressed from being up here for so long. 

I was about to call it a day, but something in the corner of the attic caught my eye. I shifted a few boxes around to reach a tall mirror covered with an old yellow-stained blanket. I wasn’t sure how I’d never seen this before, but I quickly pulled the blanket down, and a cloud of smoke filled the air. 

I coughed at the profuse particles and waved my arms around like a madman to clear the air. After the air was clear, I was stunned at the beauty of the mirror. I admired the handcrafted wood and the creative carvings implemented into the design. 

I did a once over to check my appearance, and I wasn’t shocked to see dark brown eyes filled with sorrow staring back at me. The bags and dark circles around my eyes were new to me, so it startled me that I looked so empty inside. My grandmother passing away was the worst pain I’ve ever felt, and I wasn’t sure how I would make it through this. I wish I had told her how much she meant to me because my life would be different now.

My dark brown fingertips traced the unique wood carvings, and they stopped when I came across a heartfelt carving. 

I will love you forever and always, Darlene. 

My eyes increased in size, and I felt my heart rate increase. Who carved this message? And why did my grandmother never speak of it? 

Throughout my life, my grandmother never spoke of my grandfather, and my mother never talked about her father, either. I’ve always longed for more answers, but they never gave me direct answers. All I knew was that he was a soldier in the Vietnam war and that he never returned home. 

My great-aunt told me that my grandmother was heartbroken and that I should avoid speaking about this to my grandma. I wanted to respect their boundaries, so I never hounded them for answers. I wanted to ask my mother more questions about the message's origin, but she was also selective about the information she told me.

I signed in disappointment and went to put the blanket back over the mirror. After I recovered the old blanket, I found an old crate that I could stand on to reach the top of the mirror. I struggled to get the blanket to cover the top right corner, so I decided to pull it out and push it back into place.

I hopped off the crate and used all of my strength to pull the mirror back. It was heavier than it looked, and I wasn’t surprised to see my hands covered in dust and dirt. I was about to climb back on the crate, but something else caught my eye.

When I moved the mirror, a tan envelope fell, and now it lay in a dirt pile filled with cobwebs and old discarded paper. I held my breath when I bent down to pick it up because I didn’t want to touch the contents. I quickly recovered the envelope and saw the year 1960 written on the top. 

Curiosity got the best of me, so I opened the envelope. I saw old rolls of film, and I felt intrigued but disappointed at the same time. I wasn’t sure what to do with it because I didn’t have much time to develop the photos, and I expected to find something worth showing off. I had to find something for her service, or I would feel like I was letting her down. 

I decided to call it a day, so I shoved the envelope in my sweater’s pocket and adjusted the mirror to its original spot. After everything looked right, I headed downstairs and went to the bathroom. I quickly washed and dried my hands, then turned off all the lights before locking everything up. 

I made my way outside, and I practically ran to my car. I needed to get out of there because that house no longer brought me joy and peace. It felt empty and dreadful, and I was contemplating returning. 

I listened to an old playlist I had with all of my grandmother’s favorite songs on my way home. I just wished that I had something to feel closer to her. She passed away unexpectedly, and that’s what hurt the most. She was 83 years old, but she was still in excellent health. She could still shop independently, and she cooked, cleaned, and exercised when she could. This situation made no sense; I felt like her death hit me the hardest. 

I thanked God that I didn’t have to go home alone. My fiance and I lived together in the city, so I was grateful that he would be there to comfort me. I was almost home but saw a corner store that caught my attention. I was running low on time because I had to prepare for the wake later, but I was dying to see what my grandma was hiding. 

Developing the roll of film could help me find closure. I pulled into the parking lot and quickly made my way inside. I didn’t want to get distracted by the variety of snacks and makeup products on the shelves, so I walked directly to the photo development center. 

I knew my appearance wasn’t the best right now, and I looked dirty and exhausted, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to feel something and have a chance to see my grandmother again. 

“Hello, I would like to get this roll of film developed.” I rushed out as I approached the photo clerk.

 I was feeling anxious about my appearance, so I tried to smooth out the stray hairs that stood up on my head.

The clerk was friendly, and I was grateful that she didn’t pass me a judgemental glance. She carefully took the film and examined it curiously.

“This is a vintage set of film. Where did it get it?” She curiously asked.

“It’s a long story, but I snooped around my grandmother’s attic and stumbled across it.” I nervously responded.

This is a valuable heirloom that you can pass down for generations. Give me two to three days to develop it for you. We don’t have many projects, so I might get them back to you tomorrow.

I thanked the clerk and exited the store so I could drive back home. While driving home, I let the windows down, and the chilly fall breeze caresses my hair and skin. It was freezing in Illinois in late October, and the trees were bare. My Grandma’s house was in Romeoville, and I resided in the West Loop in downtown Chicago, so I had a 40-minute drive. 

Driving while listening to music helped me ease my mind. I needed to distract my mind for the time being to avoid feeling deep grief. I swallowed the hard lump in my throat and blinked away the tears that threatened to fall. 

When I arrived home, I saw my fiance Troy sprawled out on the couch. He’s been my rock through this challenging time, so I was grateful for him. I walked over to him and planted a delicate kiss on his forehead before heading to the bathroom. I took a quick shower, and I got dressed for the wake. The funeral was in two days, so hopefully, I could have the photos in time. 

I used my arm to wipe away the steam on the mirror and looked at the solemn expression on my face. I needed to snap out of my grief and come back to life. Although death was a harrowing experience, life still needed to be celebrated. I took a deep breath and combed my thick curly hair. Once I was finished, I put coconut-scented lotion on my soft brown skin and got dressed in a formal black dress that hung on the hook. 

I prayed that tonight went as planned because I felt drained and had no more tears to cry. For the actual funeral service in a few days, I was going to change my approach when I gave my speech. Life is sacred, and it’s not all about sorrowful times.

                                                                     ***

I couldn’t believe my grandma hid this from us all these years. I stared at the photographs in disbelief. She was smitten and deeply in love with my grandfather. Her caramel brown skin was glowing, and her flawless white smile shined through the photographs. She wore a short, light baby blue dress with a pair of black heels, and her long Black hair was straight. My grandfather wore high-waisted black pants with a white shirt tucked in. He held her waist and kissed her head. 

Over the years, my grandmother became more closed off and quiet, so discovering these photos changed my outlook on her life. I still felt a pang of hurt, but she would always be here with us. Today at the service, I was going to show everyone who my grandma Irlene truly was.

Troy and I were ready to leave for the service, so I made sure that I had the flash drive with the photos saved. My family always got limos for the immediate family, so we made our way downstairs when we saw it arrive at our apartment building. The ride to the service was quiet, and I was thankful that Troy was holding me for support. 

When we arrived at the church, we saw a variety of cars pulling into the parking lot. The funeral was at my grandmother’s church on the south side of Chicago. The beautiful architecture and stained glass were alluring, making curious spectators visit the church often. On our way into the church, relatives and family friends stopped us to give their condolences. I took a deep breath and remembered that I needed to remain strong because today didn’t have to be a sad day. 

After viewing the body, we took our seats with my parents. My mother was still distraught, so my father comforted and consoled her. Although my parents divorced, my father still ensured she was always okay. It was hard not to break down when I heard the sniffles around the room, and I needed to remain strong to show everyone what I had discovered. My mom went up to the podium to give her speech to highlight my grandmother’s life, but she had to stop halfway between because she kept choking up.

My father came and brought her back to her seat, so I decided that I would go so I could lighten the mood. I gave my flash drive to the church director and took a deep breath before beginning. 

“Hello, everyone, and thank you for joining us today for Irlene Moore’s funeral service. My grandmother wasn’t a saint but she cared deeply about her community, friends, and family. I know that everyone is crying and feeling sorry, but I want to remind you that my grandmother lived a great life, and there’s a part of her life that I want to show you today. 

I signaled for the church director to start the PowerPoint. The first photo was of my grandparents smiling at their wedding. I heard shocked gasps from the crowd, and I felt anxious but determined simultaneously. I knew that my grandmother must have been heartbroken that my grandfather never from the war, but these memories are still a part of her. Everyone watched with mixed reactions as the PowerPoint displayed the love story between my grandparents. 

When it was over, my grandmother's sister stood up and started clapping, and everyone else followed her. I wasn’t expecting a standing ovation, but my heart warmed at the supportive gesture. When the crowd winded down, I took a deep breath and finished the rest of my speech. 

“Life is a beautiful but also a mysterious journey. Many of you may remember my grandmother for being very opinionated and not afraid to speak up. But she also had a big heart. From these photos, I saw another side to her from these photos that I’d never seen before. She was in love, and she gave love. I wish I had told her that she mattered to me before she passed because my life would have been different. She was hurting and had lost the love of her life, so if she had heard how much she mattered to us more often, she would have felt that love again. It takes a village, and we were hers. Irlene has greatly impacted everyone’s lives, so let’s honor her for the rest of this service.”

Everyone clapped after I left the podium and headed back to my seat. Praise dancers came out and performed while everyone got one final viewing of my grandmother. It was hard saying goodbye, but this wasn’t the end. My grandmother would always be with me.