Habit

Habits die hard. In the process of trying to end it, whether good or bad, one can't help but continue to do what their body and mind has been hardwired to do. Even if it slowly kills a person inside, a habit is still a habit. In this story, a woman and a girl at the train station had a bad habit of waiting.

“Hey, why are you always here? Are you waiting for someone?”

The little girl didn’t answer and just stared at Hellen. It was usually like this and that hasn’t changed for the past two weeks that she has been visiting the train station. Not once has she heard her speak. According to the security guard near the ticket booth, she was a regular around here although she never rode on the train. She would always come at this specific afternoon hour and take her usual spot in the waiting shed.

One day, Hellen decided to sit beside the girl. She would try having small talks with her. The girl, of course, would never respond but her being quiet felt a bit… relaxing? Maybe even therapeutic. It felt like she was a good listener. She’d never comment on anything that she said but she had this look in her eyes that told her that she understood everything. From then on, she would always sit beside her and sometimes give her biscuits to which she would gratefully accept.

“Well, I’m waiting for someone too.” Hellen pretended that Lucky responded.

Lucky. That’s the girl’s name or at least it’s the name she would use for her since she never confirmed it. When Hellen first spoke to her, she noticed a shiny flat pendant dangling from a leather strap around her neck. “Nice necklace you have there,” she had told her. Upon looking at it more closely, she noticed the word “Lucky” fancily engraved on it. “Lucky, huh? Is that your name?” With no response, Hellen declared, “Lucky it is.”

 “He’s a good man and the best boyfriend I could ever ask for.” Hellen reminisced the last time she saw him and smiled. He was running late for work and was about to leave the small apartment that they lived in. He gave her a quick goodbye kiss before rushing out the door.

“As cliché as this sounds, he was my sunshine on a rainy day. He was always there for me like a guardian angel. He would hold my hand and promise that everything will be okay. He would often tell me, ‘When life gives you lemons, take them and throw it back in life’s face.’ I’m quite sure I’m supposed to make lemonade out of them but his quote works just fine too.”

Lucky looked at her with little to no interest but Hellen kept talking anyways. “Every weekday, he would get off the 4:30 train. My job is nearby and my shift ends earlier than his, so I’m able to meet with him here at the train station.” She remembered all the times she would embrace him and take in his sweet scent. She also remembered the times when she heard random kids saying, “Ewwww. Get a room.” Hmph. Like they know anything about love.

“He’s not that hard to spot in my case. He looks just as ordinary as the next guy but when you love someone, you could recognize them a mile away. They could have their back turned on you or be wearing a disguise and you would still be able to identify that they’re your significant other.”

Hellen tried to bring Lucky into the topic. “You probably know that feeling too. I’ve seen several of you little ones running to their best friends. The relationship’s platonic but the same principal applies.”

Just then, the 4:30 train announced its arrival and stopped. The doors opened then people filed out as others entered. There were mothers with their kids, businessmen, teenagers who just got out of school, sweet couples holding hands, and several others.

But not one of them was Hellen’s boyfriend. Hell, for the past two weeks, he didn’t even get on the train. That’s what they wanted her to believe. Her friends repeatedly told her. “Hellen, you’re torturing herself. Stop waiting at the train station.” To which Hellen would reply, “Why? He’s expecting me to be there at the usual time.”

With each passing day, she would wish that life would throw lemons at her again. They hurt less than getting thrown at with cold hard bricks of truth and sacks of misery.

When the train departed once again, Hellen’s heart sunk as deep as a trench. “Do you know that feeling where you keep waiting, but you know they’re never coming back?” Her voice cracked as tears pricked her eyes.

“He abandoned me. I loved him so much, and he just left me. How could he do this to me?” Hellen was beginning to have an emotional breakdown. She was devastated from the never-ending heartbreak. “I can’t move on!”

She looked at the girl with teary eyes. “Why do you keep waiting, Lucky? He’s gone forever, yet you’re still hoping that he’d someday return. He’s abandoned you too and…. oh, God!” Tears spilled out and stained her handkerchief that she hastily took out of her purse.

In an effort to comfort her, Lucky moved closer to her and rested her head on her lap. It made her sad to see her one companion crying her heart out. It seemed to make things worse though because she started crying more.

Hellen wished that things didn’t end on such bad terms. She also wished the last time she truly saw him was at home, but life’s twisted sense of humor made the last time at the hospital. He got into a very bad accident and was sent to the ER. When she heard the news from one of his co-workers, she quickly made her way there. She didn’t even get that sense of hope during surgery because by the time she arrived, he was already… Damn it. She couldn’t even bear to go to the wake or attend the funeral because she was so afraid of seeing him so lifeless and hollow.

“I miss him so much, Lucky. I just want to be with him again.” Lucky nuzzled Hellen’s arm as if sympathizing. In her peripheral, she saw small red lines on her wrist when her long sleeve got lifted up a bit in the process but she didn't make an effort to hide them.

It was like that for a few minutes until Hellen got a glimpse of her watch. “Look at the time. I should go home before it gets dark.”

Hellen got up from the bench and stretched a little to relieve the stress of sitting down too long and the emotional stress. She tugged on her sleeves and made sure they covered her wrist. Lucky got down from the bench at the same time and went to her side where her purse hung. “Oh, you want some biscuits?” She opened her purse for any leftover biscuits that she could give. “Sorry, girl. Looks like I forgot the biscuits today, but I got plenty at home.”

 “Would you like to come home with me?” She offered.

Lucky happily wagged her tail in response and followed her new master home like the good dog she is. She no longer had to wait, and neither did Hellen.