I have waited. I am waiting.

I am Karma. Today, I am turning 10 but no birthday is celebrated for someone like me. I live with my uncle and aunt, who treat me nothing more than a piece of trash. I am a fairy tale lover and I have read all the fairy tales that I could possibly find in my cousin's book shelf, until she found out that I was reading her books. I also love poetry. I have only one poetry book( that is the only book that I have in my possession) and I have read it over and over, though I don't understand more than half of it.

I believe that magic and miracles can happen in our lives too. Fairy tales are the only glimpse of hope that I cling on to fight with the tragedies of my life.

A very big moment is yet to happen today. In a fairy tale, it is when god mother grants Cindrella's wish, when the Beast turns into a dazzling prince and when the prince wakes Sleeping Beauty from her long sleep.

I have waited patiently for six years and I am glad I don't have to wait anymore.

Early in the morning, before dawn even cracked through the night to welcome a new morning, I escaped my uncle and aunt's house; I dread to call it my home, for I have never felt the gentle touch of love and never slept one sound sleep for years. I walk nimbly towards the bus stop, the soft night sky dotted with beautiful stars and a full moon guiding me through the early dawn. There is a wooden bench facing the bus stop. The bench has little cracks here and there but it is strong enough to bear a fragile and frail body like mine. For the next few hours, I will have to wait until the bus shows up. I stare at the sky and humm the lullaby that I can faintly recall someone( a woman) singing.

I don't know what time it is but I can see the first ray of the morning sun piercing through my rough, curly and uncombed hair. My heart is thudding with happiness with each passing minute. I am breathing fast and I am actually smiling for the first time in six years.

An old man who is wearing a plain red gho( Bhutanese traditional men wear) flounders across the black topped road and sits on the bench by my side. He has silvery white hair which is all tangled and of shoulder length.

"Little girl, what are you doing all alone here?" He asks in a very gentle tone.

" I am waiting…" And before I finish the sentence, the bus shows up in front of us. The door slides open and the old man slowly gets up and walks toward the bus, half leaning on his walking stick.

At the door, he looks quizzically at me and asks." Are you not coming?"

I shake my head. The door closes and the bus leaves. No one came. 

I wait again.

Moments pass by in silence, with chirping birds and insects being the only friend.

I hear laughter, chuckles, complaints and footsteps. I look in admiration and envy as children like me walk with backpacks and colorful school uniforms. A little girl is holding her hand between a man and a woman. I have never seen anything like this and it is startling but I can see that the little girl is happy.

A fat, cocky boy, who might be around my age smirks and mutters that I smell of rotten fruits. The woman who is standing by his side laughs aloud and he synchronizes with her. I look at myself and feel awful; I am wearing a torn and ragged kira( Bhutanese traditional woman wear) The kira is too small for me and it has many patches of dirt. My eyes fill up with tears and my heart aches with pain. I look down and hide my tears. I have always been treated this way by everyone. I sometimes wonder if I am that ugly and smelly.

Another bus shows up. It is yellow in color. The children rush to the bus and wave goodbye to the older people who are left behind smiling cordially. I wonder who those people are and I wish I get people like them in my life too.

I keep waiting. 

The sun has reached its mid point now. It is glowing bright orange and yellow. Under its warmth, I feel dizzy and sleepy.

"Dumplings..Dumplings…" A man in his thirties comes shouting with his hoarse voice. He is holding a blue hot case with black crisscross patterns. There aren't many people and I wonder how much money he can make. It might be Sunday for dumpling sellers are here. 

Back at my aunt's place, today would have been the first and the last day of the week for me to take a bite on some dried nuts and some stale bread. They never call me to eat with them and I hardly see them yet I always hear their horrendous voices booming through the house and directly targeted towards me.

I prepare myself to lie down on the bench when I see a young teenage girl, dragging a suitcase behind her, enters an expensive car in tears.

There are many people gathered and she hugs each one of them. Everyone cries and wishes farewell. Her face has smiles and tears at the same time when the lovely people around her pat her and say things which I can't hear clearly. I keep on looking at her until she meets my eye. I quickly look down but not before missing that beautiful smile of her. No one has ever smiled at me for the last six years. I can't remember clearly but I somewhat know that I was smiled at before this hellish six years.

I lie down and slowly drift into sleep.

A car honks and I immediately get up.

The sun has set and there is a gentle breeze. The same yellow bus shows up and children burst out of the door, as delightful and cheerful as ever. Some are holding hands with their friends and singing along. Some are gossiping about their day. I longingly look at them. Just then, I see a young boy staring at me. I look down immediately. He falters towards me and hands me something to eat. I hesitate.

Then I take it from him and smile. He smiles back and walks away.

I am very happy and thankful as I am dying out of hunger. I tear the packet open and grab a handful of Cheese ball. I was munching my Cheese ball when another bus shows up and the old man gets out. He sighs and rests by my side.

"You are still here. Why didn't you go home?" He inquires in a soft and husky voice.

"I am waiting for my...umm" I stutter and realize for the first time that I don't know who I am waiting for. I can feel it, the warmth, the love and affection but I have no words to describe it. 

" I am waiting for...um...for someone" I finish the sentence in shock.

"See little girl, sometimes hope is the only thing that keeps us moving and you have it. I am proud of you." He says and leaves.

I have always thought this world is full of bad people. But I found today that this world has a beautiful side too. The old man's voice resonates through my mind and I smile.

I am going to wait.

I keep waiting.

Darkness takes over the day but I can't see any stars in the velvet night sky. Maybe it is going to rain.

A black Toyota pulls up near me. My heart misses a beat. Then a man opens the door and looks at me with strange eyes. My heart beats faster but his time with anxiousness. He touches me and I feel uncomfortable.

" Sweetheart, come with me. I will give you everything you need." He smiles in an unpleasant way. I shake his hands off me and stand up to run.

But his strong hands hold me tight and drag me towards his car. I cry and shout for help. I bite his big hands and he finally frees his hands off mine. I am in terror. I run, then a bright light hit me in the face.

I am in the middle of the road. I look at the light and I see a car approaching directly at me. The man who is driving and the woman who is sitting in the passenger's seat are chatting and laughing. They have no idea I am right in front of them. At the back, I can see that boy who has given me Cheese ball look up in horror.

"Mom! Dad!"

"Bang!"

Then:

Complete darkness. Mom...Dad….I was waiting for my mom and dad? That someone was my mom and dad? 

My memory clicks into place and I can now vividly remember my fourth birthday. I was smiling brightly between my parents and cutting a cake.

They have promised to return on my 10th birthday and I have been waiting sub-consciously for this big moment for the last six years. 

But they didn't come. 

I have no fairy tale to tell. God mother didn't come to grant Cinderella a wish, the prince didn't come to wake Seeping Beauty and the Beast never turned into a dazzling prince in my story.