Annihilation: Our Intertwined Fate

 What was I thinking when I decided I wanted to live a new life.             

A new life? Does that even exist?                                                               

 Fresh start? There is nothing as starting anew.

You only live once. One life which has already begun there is only an end to it. Fresh starts are false perceptions; your past haunts you till the ends of the world. There is no escaping it by claiming to start fresh. And regrettably, this raw truth was the last thing on my mind when I decided I wanted to live a new life.

I’ve lived my life running from one place to another for years now but how far can I run away, how far can I go for him to not find me? We have been running in circles for ages now, running down our intertwined fates and there’s nowhere in the world where you’re not there, your looming presence keeps haunting me even in my dreams. There has to be an end to this cycle, one of us has to leave for the other to live in peace and it has to be him. For me to live a new life, he has to leave.

December 15, 2005

“Did you enjoy today’s event?” Mom chirped from the driving seat, I looked at her contagious smile and nodded in the back seat. Dad looked at my sparkling face in the mirror and let out a laugh. A perfect Sunday evening. A night out with my parents and Momo, nothing could’ve been better. But perfection is a myth and good days only last for a limited amount of time.

We were 15 minutes away from our home when mom reminded dad that we had ran out of meat and bacon. “You know Laura doesn’t eat anything but grilled meat in lunch.” Mom reminded dad, brows furrowed in a pleading gesture with a little pout. Of course dad had to listen, he loved his family to bits, or so I thought.

The supermarket had long been closed so dad stopped at a nearby street. It was my first time seeing so many meat shops in my life, as if the street had been especially dedicated to butchers. I expressed my concerns aloud and my mom laughed as she let me know it was a meat market, they specifically sold all sorts of meat here.

I asked her some more questions to satisfy my curiosity and she kept smiling while answering them but then her gaze shifted to a nearby shop and almost on cue that infectious smile on her face vanished.

 I followed her gaze and my eyes landed upon the most hideous person I had ever seen. It wasn’t his face that struck my ten year old self as horrendous; it was his presence, the aura that he was executing. It was his white vest that was drenched in a mixture of blood and sweat, the letters across the part of  his chest that was visible, “DAMNED,” it read and the way his eyes met mine, as he plunged the cleaver knife into the large piece of meat lying upon the slab in front of him. I saw his eyes shift towards mom and he smiled, I looked at mom’s face and it was as pale as the face of a corpse. Something swirled in her eyes, I thought it was fear back then but now that I think about it, it wasn’t only fear, it was familiarity, perhaps fear out of familiarity?

I wonder if Momo had seen him too, his scarred soulless face and his monstrous aura, I wonder if she had felt it because the next thing I knew she was growling like a wild beast, like she had lost her mind, like she was in indescribable, unfathomable and immeasurable pain and in that moment I pushed her away. I threw her across the back seat and without so much as a glance back, she jumped out of the open window and vanished into thin air. Where did she go? I didn’t know. The only thing I knew was that I abandoned my only companion and lost her that day. I wonder if she searched for me. Did she even remember me? Are cats capable of feeling such emotions?

In stunned silence I looked at Momo running away as if she had escaped a prison hole. “It’s okay.” Mom kept repeating herself over and over again until I turned to look at her but before I could fully register the panic on her face or the tears in the corner of her eyes, my gaze had shifted to the man behind her, laughing like a maniac as if it was the best day of his life. His hideous face was the last thing I saw before I blacked out thinking it was the end of the worst day of my life. I was wrong though, this was just the beginning and there were worse days to come ahead.

July 6, 2015

I squinted my eyes, trying to adjust them to the overwhelming darkness. Mom was yelling at dad to slow down but he kept increasing the speed. The orange light of the street lamps felt like it was penetrating my eyes just like mom’s voice was deafening my senses. She told dad he was going to get us killed and he told her that we’ll die either way. I rubbed my eyes trying to get up, I called out to mom and dad but they didn’t hear me. I looked back to the piercing sound of horns that was coming from behind us. What was happening? I rubbed my eyes as I looked through the rear glass; a truck was following us, nearing our car by every passing second. The driver was invisible in the thick darkness of the night but I could faintly read the words written on the hood of the truck; “Meat delivery door to door.” My pupils dilated as I remembered the prior events of the day.

“Mom the meat monster!” I shrieked. Mom turned to look at me and so did dad, his hands going still on the steering as the light from the truck behind us filled our car.

My eyes shot open. The sunlight poured in through the broken window. I pinched my eyes trying to calm my aching nerves. After getting up to take a glass of water I habitually sat by the window to reminisce my past. It had been five years already and every year had added to my misery.

 I looked back to that December night only to feel the chills run down my spine like always. Perhaps it would have been better if I had completely blacked out that day. Maybe that way I would have at least moved on from that traumatizing effect of the events but all of it was still as vivid in my mind as if it happened yesterday.

The accident had taken dad away from us but he wasn’t the only thing that it had taken away from us. Living in a rundown apartment, in hiding and in the middle of nowhere we were left with nothing but adversities and desolation. That day had reduced both me and mom to a wretched existence, an aimless life and a hopeless situation. And yet that day had introduced me to something very important; the reality, the truth. It had gotten me rid of the illusions of perfectionism that I was fed with for the 10 years of my existence.

Harold’s face flashed in my mind. I often remembered the man who caused my annihilation; the daunting grey of his eyes, the hollowness of his cheeks, the entrenched scar on his forehead. He would be 25 now. How could someone so young be so heinous? I remember asking mom. Age is no measure of evil, she had told me. I found myself recollecting that conversation.

“Why is he after us?” I had asked mom.

“Your dad killed his mother.” She had replied as impassively, as she could.

“She was a criminal mom.” I reminded her

“A criminal to us. She was his only family for him.”

“He killed dad. What more does he want from us?”

“Retribution knows no bound.”

“Are you defending him mom?” I hadn’t been able to hide the venom in my voice as that question rolled off my tongue.

She said she wasn’t. But she asked me what would I have done if I was in his shoes knowing that a police officer seduced my mother and promised to give her a better life only to allure her into entrapment and arrest, and then shoot her on the run. I had looked at her in complete silence but couldn’t bring myself to answer her question.

The sound of the bell abruptly pulled me out of my trance. I opened the door, it was mom. She rushed inside, her face displaying utter panic and chaos. Her eyes were fear stricken. They held the same sense of terror that they did on that December night. “Run.” She whispered, struggling to breathe. My eyes widened, this wasn’t possible he couldn’t be here. Run. She said again. I grabbed her hand pulling her out of our house as I ran down the apartment staircase. It was an abandoned apartment; nobody had lived here for ages. How did he come here I didn’t know. But there was nowhere in this country that was out of his access, that I knew for sure. I pushed mom into what was once a basement but had turned into a dumpster over time. We clamped our hands upon our mouths, careful to not make a single sound. The sound of footsteps filled the hallway above us; the doors creaked as they were pushed open.

 Then suddenly everything stilled no sound, no activity, it was as silent as a graveyard and before I knew it the door to the basement burst open. There he was standing in front of me, his grey eyes boring into mine as his lips spread up into a treacherous smile. “I missed you Laura. I honestly did.” He slurred, lips spread up into a taunting smirk.

I whimpered pushing mom behind me. “Go away. Leave us alone for God’s sake.” I shrieked.

“I don’t believe in Gods. And I will leave. I will if you promise to come with me. Maybe I can hook you up like your dad hooked up my mother.” His smile was gradually turning into a sneer as he took slow, tantalizing steps towards us.

Mom came forward and dropped to her knees. She clasped her hands together and asked him to forgive us. And he laughed, he laughed and kept laughing for what felt like an eternity as mom whimpered and begged in front of him. He then knelt down to her level and looking her in the eye he said, “Let her go with me, I promise I’ll cause no harm.”

I stood there numb, watching the scene unfold behind my eyes. I finally knew why he had been after us for so long, he wanted to avenge his mother by making me go through the same fate that she did. What was a nightmare to us was fair to him. He wanted us to feel the same pain that he did, that was his definition of revenge. As my mind started registering the situation I looked around and in the pile of trash not far away did I see a hammer lying casually.

It was a spur of a moment, I moved towards the hammer but just before I could reach it Harold caught my hand pushing me towards him. He wrapped his hands around my throat, holding my head tightly in place. “You’re not going anywhere until I’m done with you.” He bared his teeth at me like a wild animal. My eyes widened and I jabbed my foot into his knee, he yelped in pain his hand loosening around my neck. Without a moment’s delay I reached out for the hammer. I heard him curse but before his filthy hand could touch me again I struck the hammer onto his head with all my strength, blood oozed from his forehead and splashed on my face. I didn’t feel anything, not even a sense of relief.

I looked at his limp body on the ground, I looked at my mom who was staring at him in sheer horror and I looked at my reflection in the half shattered mirror upon the basement wall but the person staring back was not my reflection, it was him, It was the twenty year old Harold I saw five years ago on the meat shop with a cleaver knife as he chopped the raw meat, blood stains all across his face and body. I don’t know for how long I stared into the mirror that day.

March 15, 2020

“Miss Laura you can now meet the patient in room 608.” Doctor Kim tells me. I smile at her politely and make my way to the designated room. The patient is a middle aged woman suffering from post traumatic stress disorder; she has been suffering chronic night terrors. Every night around this time she wakes up in a fit, drenched in sweat, breathing heavily as she clamps her hand on her mouth. Even in this moment she is whimpering in her sleep, her body in shivers. I sit at the side of the bed; reaching out a hand I stroke her cheeks.

“Mom.” I whisper. She grasps my hand tightly; I caress the back of her hand as softly as possible. Her heartbeat stabilizes gradually. I kiss her on the forehead, whispering for her to wake up and she does. She smiles her brightest smile as her eyes land on my face and I grin back. I tell her it’s time for her meds and she nods, taking them one by one. She knows I’m going to leave for a bit and bids me goodbye with a peck on the cheek, I tell the nurse to look after her while I’m gone and she assures me she will look after her better than me. I laugh and tell her that I’ll be back tomorrow. She tells me to take a day off and I tell her that I can’t leave mom alone. She nods in understanding and I head out of the hospital.

The air is crisp, filled with the aroma of blooming flowers and the soft sound of  birds chirping nearby. I take a deep breath glancing around, the street is unusually empty today but nonetheless peaceful, there is liveliness in the ambiance. Everything around me feels beautiful.

I can’t help but think of how fast time has gone by, the last five years that changed my life so miraculously have gone by so quickly, it’s unfathomable and perhaps to an extent unacceptable. Memories from the past resurface in my mind but I stop myself from pondering upon them instead I wonder what the future has in store for me. All at once, I feel an acute pain in my chest. I gulp down the bile rising up my throat.       In a frenzy I run into an array of pots situated alongside the pavement, the fragile little things break as my foot slams into them. Not able to control the dizziness in my head, I drop down on the pavement, my mind spinning in circles. I clasp my head, pushing on my nerves to chase the pain away.

“Are you okay my love?” A husky growl infiltrates my ears.

My head shots up, the sight of his scarred face leaves me breathless and I gasp loudly.

He sneers, getting down on his knees. “Long time no see eh?” His grey eyes are caught in a raging storm, demanding and destructive.

 I helplessly try to calm my outrageous heartbeat, short of  breath I ask him how he is here and he says, “You didn’t think I was dead did you? Monsters don’t die that easily they have an excruciatingly long life span.”

My eyes well up with tears, I want to scream for help. I want to shout at the top of my lungs I want to runaway to the farthest end of the world but I can’t move a limb. I’m still, as still as a statue, frozen to my very core.

My lips quiver, tears flowing down my face in an endless stream. He cups my cheeks in his rugged hands. “Let’s go home Laura. You’ve been on the run for too long and I have waited enough.” He smiles the most sinister smile ever and in that moment I know that, my fate was sealed the day I saw this imbecile.           

Starting anew was a temporary illusion, a fantasy that I had woven for myself in order to escape my reality. It was the same as having a perfect family. All this time I had simply been caught in a pretty lie and when truth came crashing down upon me there was nowhere I could run off to.