Cassiopeia

Elle carried a large bowl of popcorn, and her favorite soft blanket out to the lawn chair in the middle of her backyard. A cool June breeze rustled the needles of the pine trees at the edge of the property. Her mom leaned back in the chair and looked up at the sky.

“Mommy, do you want to come in and watch the movie with me and Daddy?”

Her mom hesitated. Elle checked to see if she was awake by poking her cheek. Elle felt moisture on her fingers.

“Mommy? Are you crying?”

Her mom adjusted herself in the chair and ran a hand over her cheek, wiping away the tears. Trying to hide them. “Hey, honey, what did you need?”

“Mommy, were you crying?”

“No, honey. I was just looking up at the stars. What did you need?”

Elle was seven years old but knew what a lie was. She paused, then asked, “Mommy, what were the stars telling you?”

Elle could see a small smile open on her mom’s face in the moonlight. “Well,” she patted her leg, “I’ll tell you about the stars.”

Elle set down the bowl of popcorn in the grass, for a moment she worried about bugs getting into it but did not want to leave her mom out there alone. She wrapped herself in her Little Mermaid blanket and curled up in her mom’s lap.

“There’s a lot of stories about the stars. Do you know any of them, pumpkin?”

“I know about the Big Dipper and the Little Dipper.”

“Of course! Have you heard the story of Cassiopeia?”

“Cas—Cassiopeia?”

“Mmhmm. You see that constellation over there?” She pointed to the left, “Those stars over there that are like a crown—like a big W?”

“Where, Mommy?”

Her mom adjusted, their cheeks touching. She took Elle’s hand and traced the crown in the stars. “Right there, sweetie. Do you see it?”

Elle giggled and nodded.

Her mom wrapped her arms around Elle and whispered, “Cassiopeia was an ancient Queen. She had a beautiful daughter named Andromeda. Cassiopeia angered a god by saying Andromeda was the most beautiful daughter, ever! Just like my daughter.” She tickled Elle lightly on the ribs.

Elle erupted in giggles. “What happened to Cassiopeia?”

“Well, the god banished her to the stars, to live forever watching over us. When I was little my mom told me that whenever I missed her, I would just look up at Cassiopeia and she would be looking down on me. I want you to remember that. I’ll always be looking down on you from the stars, baby.”

Elle couldn’t help but feel a little sad. She didn’t want her mom to go into the stars. She snuggled into her mom and held onto her.

“Elle, are you out there? Sue?” Elle’s dad called from the sliding backdoor.

“I guess we better go back inside, huh?” Elle’s mom whispered in her ear. They got up and walked towards the back door. Elle held her mother’s hand and forgot the popcorn in the grass.

Ten Years Later…



Elle ran up the front steps of her house the last day of her junior year. She looked forward to taking the night off from homework and just watching some movies with her parents. She was in a rigorous academic program that forced her to sit in front of her computer every school night.

As she opened the door, she heard shouting from the kitchen.

“What do you mean, you quit your job?” she heard her dad’s voice. It wasn’t raised it, was more shocked. Dad never raised his voice, really. He was an expert of the disappointed stare.

“I—I just couldn’t do it anymore. I felt like I was incomplete working there.” Her mom’s voice was small and embarrassed, like she was trying to explain the inexplicable.

“What do you mean? It was an office job. All you had to do was show up and answer the phones.” Elle watched unnoticed from the doorway of the kitchen, as her dad paced the floor running his hands over his face.

“I feel like I’m supposed to be doing something else.”

“Feel like you’re supposed to be doing something else…” Her dad whispered. He looked at the floor as he paced. Elle could see the stress building on his shoulders. He was now the sole breadwinner of the family. Elle knew that her dad’s business was failing. She heard his phone calls in the morning as she left for school, asking for any work they might have. The news said it was a recession. The word repeated in her head as she watched her parents argue. Recession. Recession. Recession.

“I’ll find another job as soon as I get my certifications,” she wanted to be an accountant but still needed to take the CPA exam, “I just need to focus on that rather than trying to work too. We’re going to be fine, Phil,” she walked over to her husband. She was a small woman and Elle’s dad was tall. Elle’s mom barely made it to his shoulder as she hugged him.

“Sue, you don’t understand.”

“I’ve lost almost all of my business. I’ve lost almost all of my clients. It’s a computer consulting business, Sue. It’s not easy to make new relationships as it is so competitive. I told you this last month—that we needed to start saving as much as we could. Didn’t that make sense to you? Didn’t you see that I was home early for the last six months? Don’t you remember me telling you we had to cut back on shopping and eating out?” His voice raised with each word, “No, you didn’t because all you think about is yourself! All you think about is whether you feel complete in your minimum wage job. It wasn’t much, Sue. It wasn’t much but it helped. It put food on the table.”

Elle burst into tears and ran across the kitchen to her dad. She had never seen him so stressed and distraught. He was always kind and understanding. Always there for a quick chat or a problem solved. He never got angry, even when her mom wouldn’t have dinner ready for hours or would forget to buy his favorite food at the store. He’d always say, “It’s all good.” He was always working so hard to put food on the table. To Elle, her mom was always making it harder on him.

“Hey, don’t cry, Ellie bear. We’re going to be just fine,” He rubbed her back and shoulders lovingly. “Oh, hey! You’re officially a Senior in high school! Congratulations!” He hugged her tighter. Elle’s mom leaned against the counter with frustration and concern.

Later that night, when Elle watched the moon rise through her bedroom window, she heard whispers coming from her parent’s room next door. Her door was cracked, and they never closed theirs.

“I know I could do better, though.” Her mom’s voice was urgent, almost pleading.

“I have no doubt you’ll be successful, but we have to talk about these things before you make decisions.” Her dad was back at his loving, understanding self.

There was a long pause.

“Maybe you should get some help.” Elle heard her dad.

Her mom’s response came very quickly, “No, no. I know what I need to do.”

Elle wondered what that meant. In a less than a year, she found out. Elle was dropped off by her friend late one February evening. Snow crunched under her boots as she walked up the driveway. The house was dark. Her dad’s car, their only car, wasn’t in the driveway. She went to open the door, but it was locked. Unusual. Elle dug around her backpack for her key.

“Of course, it has to be at the bottom,” she whispered to herself as she shivered in the cold. She stuck the key in and opened the door.

“Mom, you home? It’s freezing outside.” She stomped the snow off her boots and bent down to take them off.

“Any food in the fridge?” Elle called as she walked around the boxes in the living room. They had to move to a smaller house as this one was being foreclosed on.

The kitchen was dark, as was upstairs and the tv room downstairs. Elle walked through the whole house looking for her mom. She wasn’t there. Just as she was about to call her, she saw a folded piece of paper near the sink.

Elle walked over tentatively. Maybe she got a ride to the store or was in night school again. She opened the note. In her mom’s handwriting it said,

I love you both, but I can’t do it anymore. Don’t worry about me or try to find me. I’ve got to do this for myself.

Elle read it twice and started to shake. She fumbled for her phone and dialed her mother’s number. “We’re sorry. You have reached a number that is no longer in service. Please check the number and redial. Thank you.”

Elle hung up and called her dad. “Daddy, mom’s gone.” Tears started streaming.

“What do you mean?” He sounded like he was driving.

“She left a note and locked the door and she said she isn’t coming back and that she loves us and that we shouldn’t try to find her—”

“—Slow down, Elle. I’m almost home. I’ll see you shortly.” He sounded curt and stressed.

Elle waited by the front window for her dad to pull in. She hadn’t turned on any lights and when he walked through the door, she scared him when she ran up to him.

She showed him the note. He hugged her and seemed to only focus on making some food so that she could get some homework done before bed. They moved around the house in silence. Elle didn’t know what to tell her dad, or how to help him. She didn’t know what to do about the whole situation.

Elle graduated high school a few months later. As she walked across the stage, she looked up and only saw her father and his parent’s smiling faces. Her mom never showed up. She didn’t show up to the graduation party the next day either. There was nothing to say that she was hurt or kidnapped. In some ways, Elle wasn’t surprised her mom left. Ever since she found her in the backyard staring up at the stars, she knew that her mom didn’t want to be there.

Eleven years later…

“Yeah, yeah. I’m on my way. I’ll be right there.” Elle told her boss over the phone. She overslept and was over half an hour late for her shift at the restaurant. “I’m five minutes away. You need to calm down, Mary.” She was more like fifteen minutes if the bus was sitting at the stop at the end of her apartment building’s parking lot.

Elle shrugged when she sat at the bus stop. The bus left as she descended the stairs. She wasn’t going to run, and break sweat when she was already late. A short time later, a woman with a stroller walked up to the stop. The woman sat down next to Elle who was constantly scrolling on her phone. Elle looked up when the little girl dropped her sippy cup on the ground at Elle’s feet.

“Oh, Cassiopeia, why did you do that?” Her tired mother sighed trying to get up.

“Oh, it’s okay, miss. Here.” She handed the cup to the little girl.

“Thank you.”

“Did you say her name is Cassiopeia?” Elle was intrigued.

“Yes, she doesn’t like it I don’t think. The other day she kept saying ‘Call me Cass,’ over and over,” the woman laughed.

“That’s adorable,” Elle smiled.

For the next fifteen minutes, Elle couldn’t help but stare at the little girl and her pink hoodie and cute little shoes. She wasn’t more than two years old, but something about her, maybe it was the name, reminded Elle of her mother.

When Elle walked into work, an hour late to her shift, she quietly took her manger’s criticism. “To be honest, Elle, I expected you to make a whole scene about this and scare customers away, like last time. That’s why I called you into the office and didn’t catch you at the door,” she paused and looked at Elle. “To be honest, that’s the only reason you still have a job. Go. Go start your shift. But if you’re late again you can find yourself another grease trap to work in.”

“Thanks, Mary. But I think I’m going to go home for the day. You can fire me if you want, but I’ve got something I need to take care of.” Elle got up to leave. Cassiopeia. Cassiopeia. Cassiopeia.

Mary stuttered a response, but Elle didn’t hear it as she left the office and walked out of the restaurant.

She called an Uber and headed to her dad’s apartment ten minutes away. She hadn’t visited him since last fall. Guilt washed over Elle as she realized she hadn’t talked to him in over two weeks. She texted him quickly, “I hope your decent, I’m coming over.” After a moment, she added, “Nothing’s wrong. I just want to see you.”

She knocked on the red door of the garden level apartment her dad had rented for almost six years. No answer. She knocked again. “Dad, it’s me.” A few seconds later she heard to lock turn and her dad opened the door. He lost weight since Thanksgiving and probably hadn’t shaved in a month.

“Elle? What are you doing here? Is everything okay?” He asked concerned.

“I’m great, Daddy. I missed you and wanted to come see you.”

He squinted his eyes. “You sure nothing’s wrong? You haven’t visited me on a whim since you were twenty years old.”

“I know, Daddy, and I’m sorry,” she walked past him into the apartment. It was messy and stuffy. He kept it fairly clean, but the couch looked slept on and the coffee table was cluttered with dishes. “I just was thinking a lot about mom today.”

He shut the door behind her. She stood staring at him, trying to gauge his feelings. She hoped that her showing up like this would make him happy, to see her. He stared emptily at his daughter and turned and walked to the couch, completely ignoring her.

 The rageful part of Elle struggled to the surface. Part of her wanted to walk out and slam the door in his face and never see him again. The other part of her, the part of her that wanted to move out from under the shadow of her mother’s abandonment. This was the first step she had to take, fix things with her dad. 

She walked over and sat next to him. “I’m sorry, Dad. I know I haven’t been all that attentive. And I did get fired today, but that’s not why I’m here.”

“Called it.” He mumbled.

“I woke up late today, and was pissed off and was angry at mom, because, you’re right, I blame everything on her. I blame my shitty apartment, my lack of trust, my bad attitude, my inability to hold a job, and the fact that I’m a waitress at nearly thirty, all on her leaving. It’s always her fault. But today, I woke up and I felt different. It took me a long time to get out of bed because I just didn’t want to be here anymore. I wanted to have a different life. Maybe that’s what she wanted too. Maybe she just wanted a different life, and there was nothing we could have done to change her mind.”

Elle’s dad leaned back on the couch and listened.

“I got the call from work that I was late and decided that, while I hate this job and the dumbass people I work with, I should be grateful I have a job. So, I got up and got dressed and headed to work. When the bus left as I got down the stairs, I’m like, fate is intervening. Fate doesn’t want me to have this job. I was mad and frustrated and again I wasn’t taking responsibility for my actions. Then, there was this little girl at the bus stop and she had on a little pink sweater like I used to wear, you remember?”

Her dad nodded.

“And she dropped her sippy cup and I handed it back to her and her mom said her name was Cassiopeia. That’s when I knew. I knew fate was trying to tell me something. I knew it. I spent the rest of the afternoon riding the bus to work and then to here thinking about how I’ve not taken responsibility for anything. And while, yes, mom leaving and abandoning us was wrong and a terrible thing to do, especially as I was graduating, I let her win if I waste my life. I don’t want to do that anymore, Daddy, and I’m sorry for being such a terrible daughter to you all these years. I can’t imagine what you felt having your wife leave you like that.” She leaned over and hugged him.

Her dad sniffled. “I don’t know what to say, Ellie bear. I can’t believe you just came to this conclusion this fast, but I’ll take it. I do have one question, though.”

“Shoot, anything, Daddy.”

“What does Cassiopeia have to do with it?”

“I’ll show you tonight, okay?”

A few hours later, Elle and her dad sat on the lawn outside his balcony and stared at the stars. Elle pointed out Cassiopeia and told him that mom was watching over them from way up there.