Wierdness Abounding

“Uh, yeah,” the alien thought aloud, putting a tentacle to his cheek. “We’ve been here for two point five seconds. No—” He looked backward to confirm, and then nodded. “We’ve been here for two point five minutes.”

“We’ve officially arrived!”

Puppy his son jumped into the scene. They were aboard their spaceship, cardboard boxes being lugged off the ship as if they were people moving into a new home. Lights from above—as if this place was a kitchen or living room with rectangular boxes of electricity reigning above them—illuminated the science lab-like home. Well, former home.

“And,” the human scratched her head. “So, you’ve been here for two point five seconds. Is that good or bad?”

“Uh…” The alien thought. It shrugged. “I don’t mind it.”

“I miss home!” Puppy whined.

“Close it, and go help your mother.”

The slimy creature slinked off, whining.

“Anyway,” the alien turned away, addressing the human as ‘Sir’. “We moved for my new job.”

“What…job?” The human speculated, cocking his head.

The alien shrugged, two tentacles in the air. “Well, human babysitting, of course!”

The human’s eyes went wide. “You’re—you want to invade our homes?” He jerked around, addressing the crowd watching. “Hey, does anyone want an alien to invade—”

“Now, now!” The alien said, motioning with two tentacles to keep the peace. “I—”

“No one wants to have you slimy things in their home!” The human twirled around, storming off the ship’s plank. When the alien protested, the man swung around. “No! I’m not having my children brainwashed by some creature.”

“But—”

But the man waved it off. The alien stood there, its horns on the back of its turquoise and black head (like that of an ibex) going up in the air as its head went down. It was sad. When the pounding feet of its son, Puppy, was interrupted by roars of “I helped Mom; I helped Mom!”, the alien turned tail. It went somewhere inside the spaceship. When the door automatically shut behind it, it told itself it’d take control of such humans, since they don’t want the aliens to babysit their children. It was a silly idea, really. But the aliens just wanted to be recognized; they didn’t want the humans to be scared of them. Wait—if we take over, we’ll be taken down. No! The alien shook its head firmly. That’s not good. We must care for the human children. Yes! We can shapeshift. That’ll help.

Once the aliens gathered around a long rectangular table and the father announced something, even Puppy gathered at the table. “Hello, everyone. I have something to tell you.”

“Yeah, Dad?” Puppy jumped forward, his narrow gold eyes alive with excitement.

“Well,” the father put his tentacles together. “I see that we’ve all come together. And I want to tell you that we’re going to babysit the human children as shapeshifting babysitters!”

Complete silence reigned in the room. such an atmosphere weighed heavily on the father’s shoulders, his shoulders slumping. But he didn’t give up; no, sir. He merely shook his head. “You guys! Come on. I just want the humans to believe in us. We’ve come in peace.”

“They won’t like us once we’ve identified as us.”

“Yeah, and we’re going to get shot at and doubted or…”

“Or mutilated. World War 3 could break out!”

Cheers for this comment caused the table to explode in loud applause. Thousands of minutes belonged to this insanity, but once Puppy kicked the table and screamed for silence, the father continued. “We’ll shapeshift and be okay. We’ll not invade; we’ll act as perfect people.”

“You do it.” One mocked.

“Okay!”

The alien father walked off the ship once the main door opened automatically. He wanted everyone to see the proof he’d lead such an effective life here, so he wanted each alien to change into someone else. “Once we’re all human, we’ll begin!”

“We don’t have—”

“Trust me.”

No one cared. The father was on his own. He sighed. He turned around. Fine. I’ll try on my own. What’s a little difference between these jerks and me? The father darted off, his tentacles becoming hands and eyes staying the same except to turn hazel. And he actually became a brunette man with a T-shirt and jeans. He bought a wallet and printed a resume. All the works. Then he pretended to have just gotten out of bed and have taken a shower. Then he hiked over to someone’s house, masking the fact that he didn’t live here in this neighborhood. So he acted like he did, even buying an abandoned house. Renovating it, he smiled, bought groceries and claimed the car was now his. When he got back from his interview, he saw people checking it all out, question marks twisting up their faces.

“Did…someone buy this place?”

The alien froze. They know! I… Looking back because he sensed the aliens watched him the whole time, he saw the crowd of aliens. One of them crossed his arms. “And…?”

The alien turned around. And proclaimed that he made his family move against their will. “Because, yes, I’ve been selfish—”

“Ah! It’s that alien.”

One of the homeowners ran up to him. He whipped out a device, claiming it came from a science lab that had imported its alien-detecting tracker that had been made in some other country. Japan, in fact. Humans started congregated behind the homeowner, and some even narrowed their eyes. They hated the stupid things!

The alien father grabbed the device, but the guy smartly dodged him. The alien turned back into an alien, and the guy said, “Hah! It was you the whole time.” The alien father saw that the device glowed, and the guy’s thumb was pressing down a button.

The alien father nodded guiltily. He went over to the mother and Puppy. Apologizing for his awful behavior towards them as he tried raising a family, he nodded. “I’ll make this place awesome!”

The mother and son looked at each other. They had turned back into aliens. “You better.”

“I will!”

Years later, the aliens nodded. So did the humans. But they neglected each other.

The alien father spent time with his family, a fire roaring in the fireplace one night while Puppy closed the curtains. And the alien family spent time together. Never humans again.

The aliens stayed aliens, the way humans wanted it. And humans never tracked the aliens down again.

The aliens, when they were human, turned to their own human world. Then they broke, the Earth split.

But not literally.

“Thank you, dear.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

“Sure, Pups!”