A Guilty Conscience

Silence filled the room as the words escaped her mouth. My vicious aunt, who's hated me since I was young, stood before me and lashed into me. Everyone stayed silent as they stared in shock. What was meant to be a Happy Thanksgiving meal, turned to absolute ruin.

"Are you sure I'll be okay to tag along?" I sat up to put my hand on the front car seat where my sister Whitney sat. Her wife, Brandi, drove the car.

"I'm sure you are, they never had a problem with you dropping by without telling anyone before. Besides, it's Thanksgiving! A time for family."

"Yeah... Okay." I wrung my hands in nervousness. I never really stayed in touch with my family for sport, only during holidays and hard times. I had two aunts that are on my mother's side, my aunt Kim doesn't care as long as I am happy and visit her whenever I need her. She loves me with all her heart, and my grandmother who lives with her is always eager to see me and talk.

Uncle Shane, Kim's husband, was a jester and loved to make jokes and be sassy. He is a great man, willing to help when called upon and a very handyman. My cousins, Jacson, Zanee, Talon, and Ellie, were their kids. All very outdoorsy, hunting types.

Then there was my Aunt Michelle. She was a bit... harsh. She was very religious and strict, I always had a cold feeling around her. She was a neat freak to Timbuktu and back. God forbid if you dripped mustard on the counter or even spilled water. Kim was my favorite of the two for a reason.

Keith, Michelle's husband, was very cheery and kind, musical and also a jester. He loved to crack jokes with Shane whenever he could. My cousins Cody, Morgan, Logan, and Haylee were all sweet. Cody was definitely a hunter like his father, Morgan was tomboyish but had a girly side when it mattered. Logan was definitely a girly girl and so was Haylee with the occasional sweatpants day. It baffled me how kind they were when their mother was just... a witch in my eyes.

My mother was her twin, who died just a few years ago. She somehow became crueler after that. She babied Whitney-the oldest-and Samantha-the youngest-but she didn't give a tiny rats ass about me.

"Look Aunt Kim and Michelle are both having separate dinners. Michelle will be there for pie later, we will stay for a slice then leave so we can have more pie with Brandis family." Whit twisted in her seat to look back at me. "Don't worry, we will be there for you."

"Yeah." Brandi smiled and looked into the rearview mirror at me. "We got your back."

I smiled a bit and rubbed the back of my head. "Thank you, guys." I look over at my niece, RaeLeigh,

It wasn't too long after that we got to Kims. I climbed out of the Jeep and shouldered my bag that had my drawing tablet, charger, a notebook, charger, my Nintendo, and a few writing utensils. "You need help getting Rae?"

"No I got it, but will you help Brandi with the apple cider?"

I nodded and grabbed one box of apple cider while Brandi got the other, closing the back of the Jeep and we head up to the door.

We walked in without knocking and were greeted with shouts of each of our names. Kim greeted Whitney and Brandi, the others greeted RaeLeigh and little Ellie greeted me with the biggest hug she could give me on my leg. She was only a few years old, about five. Ellie was the youngest and was always excited to see me because I could draw her pictures to color.

"Hey there Els." I picked her up and smooched her cheeks and she let out happy giggles. "Did ya make my new pictures?" She bounced a bit in my arms. "I sure did, I made sure you would have some." I set her down and get the tablet out. "Can I use the printer?" I look up at Uncle Shane.

"Yeah, but it might need paper. Oh, please tell Grandma that dinner is almost done."

With that in mind, I head downstairs where my grandmother stayed. She liked it down there, quite, had her own bathroom, was close to the laundry room and it was nice and cool down there for her.

When I got to the bottom of the stairs I saw her door was closed. Was she still asleep or getting dressed. I gave a small knock and heard spings creak from her bed. "Who is it?"

I simply respond, "It's JoJo."

"Oh just one-second honey, let me get a shirt on."

I shake my head with a good nature and waited a few moments, the door soon unlocking. "JoJo!" She called and shuffled forward, offering a hug and I accepted it with enthusiasm. She always gave the best hugs.

"I thought your car was in the shop?" She looked up at me.

"Oh Whitney offered a ride, I wanted to see you guys."

"Well, that was nice of her." She pulled back and shuffled back into the room. "How are you?"

"I'm doing well, the job is sorta boring in the offseason." I laugh softly as I got to the printer that was in her room, hooking up my tablet and loaded the paper tray. "Ellie wanted new pictures to color. Oh, and Shane says that dinner is almost ready."

"Alright, I'll be up in a minute or so." She went back to her bed. From the looks of the pile of clothes on the bed, she was folding laundry. I got the pictures printed, fresh off the press when I heard the doorbell ring. "Who else is joining us for dinner?" I look over at my grandma.

"Oh, Michelle's plans kinda fell through, Keith's family couldn't make it in so she wanted to join us." She looked up and frowned. "Sweetheart are you okay?"

I visibly tensed up at the mention of her. She was coming here for dinner?! I didn't want to see her! Not after Halloween where she shamed me for my costume! It wasn't even offensive or revealing, all it was was me in a black renaissance dress with horns, nothing revealing, nothing offensive, and completely kid-friendly. "N-No... not really. I just... don't want to see Michelle right now."

"Aw honey I know you don't like her but she's family, all that needs to happen is you to act civil, you don't even need to pretend to like her, you only need to bear with each other for a few hours. Understand?"

"Yeah... alright."

"Besides she'll just talk to me and Kim all night while you can draw and play with the kids." She came up and pats my cheek in a motherly way. "I'm here for you."

"Thank you, Grandma." I smile a bit and hugged her again. "I should head upstairs and give these to Ellie, she's probably begging for them now."

"Okay, I'll be up in a few minutes."

I left my grandmother's room and climbed the steps, my heart speeding up with every step at the thought of seeing Michelle. Hopefully, she would be too busy gossiping than to pick on me.

I got to the top and spotted Keith, who was greeted by Shane, Haylee who was hugging Ellie, Logan who was bugging Whitney, and Cody who was talking to Jacson. I couldn't see Michelle anywhere. She was probably out in the car still or upstairs in the bathroom.

Whitney saw me, excused herself, and went over to me. "Hey uh... Aunt Michelle is here."

"I know. Grandma told me."

"Do you want to head out?"

"No, I want to stay here and have a nice meal with my family." I look around to see everyone's cheery faces. "I'll just have to be civil and not catch her attention to pick on me. That's all."

Whit gave a bit of a pity smile. "You were always so mature." She hugged me and I returned it. "Thank you, Whitney." I closed my eyes and held her a while, soon pulling back and heading over to Ellie.

While I was showing the images to her, I heard her voice. It always made my stomach drop. "Bean!" Michelle called out and headed over to me. That fake grin on her face as she enveloped me in a hug. I froze up and my hands were shaking. "How are you?" She squeezed a bit too hard.

"I-I'm fine." I returned the hug weakly and tried to move away, my ribs starting to hurt. "I thought you weren't coming?" She looked up at me. I was a bit tall for my family but not by much, just a few inches. "Oh, Whitney offered a ride." I rubbed the back of my neck again, clearly nervous, and avoided eye contact.

"Well, it's a pleasure to see you." She turned to talk to Kim, leaving me, Haylee, and Ellie alone. I sat in the chair and shuddered. Just a few more hours. I can do that.

True to Shane's word, dinner was done within just minutes of Grandma ascending the stairs. I took my seat as everyone else did, staying close to Logan and Haylee at the kiddie end of the table with the other littles. I plated myself a normal serving, soon wanting more.

I reached for the tongs to the turkey before I felt cold eyes in my soul. I looked up to see Aunt Michelle staring me down as if a warning if I took another serving of turkey. I pulled my hand back and just took another roll, there was an abundance of them. I nibbled on it quietly, the chattering of dinner filling every corner of the room. Every now and then I could feel Michelle's eyes stare into the side of my head.

Dinner went by uneventful except for the staring into my soul bits, but we all cleaned the platters and plates. "Uuuuggghhhh Aunt Kim you make the best Thanksgiving foods!" Morgan stated, everyone, nodding in agreement. "Yeah, I think you killed us." Cody chuckled and leaned back, undoing his belt as did most of them.

"You're welcome." Kim smiled as she stood, gathering all the dishes. "Let me help." Logan got up to assist and so did all the other girls. The guys and children went to the living room to try and digest. The kitchen looked too full and there were more than enough hands so I headed towards the living room when I heard a scoff.

I looked over my shoulder to see Michelle shaking her head. "You would think she would help..." She muttered to Kim, who looked disapproving but didn't say anything. I slunk back to my corner, pulling out my tablet and started to draw.

"Hey, Bean will you come put these away?" Michelle called again and motioned for the washed and dried dishes. I got up to help with what I was asked to do, but Morgan stepped up. "I got it, Mom." She smiled and took the stack of plates and put them away in the cupboard as she was already done with her task. Michelle glared at her and me but didn't say anything. Whenever she called me to help I would always try but others would volunteer. She was growing upset, I could tell.

By the time it was cleaned up, the pies were ready. "Alright come on everyone come get a slice." Everyone got up to the kitchen as I saved my progress and set down the tablet on the couch. I went to get my slice when it was pulled away. "Uh, no."

Michelle was the one who pulled back my pie. "You don't get any."

Kim looked at her sister and frowns. "Yes, she can." She went to grab it but Michelle moved away. "No, she didn't help clean up and she already had enough food. She needs to limit herself and lose some weight."

My cheeks burned in embarrassment as everyone stared at her. "Seriously? This isn't your house," Kim reached for it again. "She is fine, give her the slice."

"No!" Michelle exclaimed and threw it in the garbage. It was the last slice of my favorite kind. My eyes started to burn with hot tears and my throat closed up. "Michelle!" Grandma shouted from the living room. "Stop acting like a child, she isn't yours and she is fine to have a slice of pie!"

My head was lowered, my ears to my shoulders and I looked down, trying to look as small as possible so I could slip away. "No! She doesn't get to freeload! She didn't help in the kitchen, or cleaning up, and hasn't done anything to help!" Her anger was showing and the bottled up energy was finally released. "She's a waste of space and wasn't wanted by Nichole, she shouldn't even be here! She wasn't even invited! Gods I wish she was killed instead of Nichole so I didn't have to deal with this!"

Silence filled the room as the words echoed in my ears. I was trembling and crying silently, my throat closing up. I couldn't defend myself as I couldn't speak but stepped back. Grandma looked furious as she got up from her chair and stormed over, bitch-slapping Michelle. "Don't you dare disrespect her like that! She did nothing to you!" She hissed, her face red with rage. "I did not raise you this way, you are not the daughter I brought into this world."

Whit came over to see if I was okay but I pushed her away, shaking and feeling a panic attack happen. I didn't like this kind of attention on me. I felt judged, suffocated, panicked, I looked around for an exit, seeing the front door less crowded and easy to push through. I grabbed my stuff and bolted for the door, heart thumping and pounding in my ears. "Jojo wait!" Grandma called out, sending Jacson or Cody out after me.

I wanted to go home! To be left alone where I belonged, unloved and uncared for. That's all I want!

I ran blindly, just away from the house, get away from them, that's all that mattered. It didn't matter where, when or how, but I wanted to leave.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" I heard from the collective voices of my family. I stopped my running to turn around but was greeted with bright lights instead. I was rammed in the side and thrown across the busy road where I was hit again, ran over, hit even more, and soon rolled to the side of the road. The cars halted to a stop, their tires screeching to a stop, allowing my family to run towards me. I could hear them, but very faintly. My vision was going black and I was in a lot of pain.

It hurt to breathe, to blink, to move... everything. I sobbed silently. Was this it? Was I dying? I blinked slowly, soon to be greeted by Whitney and Brandi, trying to get me to stay awake, people were calling others, but I knew I wouldn't make it. I held Whitney's hand with great difficulty and sniffled. "I... love you all," I muttered. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have run off..."

"Don't talk, just save your strength." Whitney was sobbing, Brandi doing basic first aid until help arrived. I heard the sirens faintly, but I was slipping still. "Don't cry..." I whisper, my grip loosening and soon went limp. "Don't cry..." The last thing I saw was Whitney and Brandi, tears pouring down their faces as my visions went black. My last conscious thought, "Was this what you wanted?"