Pinwheels

Pinwheels

By Heather Ann Martinez

Josiah was sitting on the left side of the crowded train. Periodically, he smiled at the elderly woman who woke herself up each time she kicked his leg. Josiah was tall and tried to curl his arms in and crossed his legs out in front of him. The woman next to him stored her suitcase underneath the seat they shared across from the elderly woman and three young men dressed in army uniforms. It was difficult for all of them to not touch each other as every other row of seats were equally crowded. There were even a few kids standing and some were walking around trying to squeeze passed other standing passengers. Some of the kids had not paid the train fare and tried to escape the watchful eye of the conductor. The conductor seemed to remember everyone’s face. He had made up some sort of backstory for all of the passengers. He never felt his job was routine. He tried to make the most out of each passenger’s experience. Most of the passengers smiled or nodded at the conductor to pay him respect and to thank him for collecting their money. They saw him, but they didn’t see him.

One day, several years earlier, a young boy gave the conductor a pinwheel made of construction paper and straws. The conductor took the pinwheel and blew on it. He smiled and thanked the boy for the gift. No one had ever given him anything like that before. After the young boy and his father found the way to their seats, the boy fell to the ground and had a seizure. The boy’s father began looking around asking if anyone had any medical training. The other passengers started staring asking for someone to do something. The conductor pushed his way through the crowd and knelt down by the boy. He knew what to do. The boy stopped seizing. The other passengers returned to their seats and the train stopped. A medical team was waiting and the conductor blew on his pinwheel telling the boy everything was going to be all right. The boy smiled back at the conductor and reached out his hand. Neither was certain they would ever meet again.

Twenty years later, Josiah found himself on this very crowded train. He hadn’t been on a train since his seizure years earlier. He had been told the conductor was going to retire and this would be his final ride. Josiah wanted to thank him personally for rescuing him.  Josiah told his caregivers he wanted to make this journey on his own. He continues to suffer from seizures and blackouts which is why in an ironic way, he was grateful the elderly woman frequently kicked him. Josiah knew his nurse would be waiting for him at the next stop. Josiah’s father hired a nurse and a caregiver to help him through the seizures and the moments in between. Medications, pacemakers, and implants have helped with the duration and the severity of his seizures. They annoyed and embarrassed him more than anything. As a result, Josiah tried to stay away from people he didn’t know well. That is why this is the first time he has ridden a public train full of strangers.

Of course, people felt pity for Josiah and his family. In every effort to be as normal as possible, Josiah moved to his own apartment. He paints. He listens to music. He cooks when he can and he remembers happier moments when he cannot control his arms and legs. He does his best to remain calm and know that it will pass like all of the others that passed before it. He knows that it will sting and hurt his pride but help is on the way. The conductor proved that to him years ago. He had his first seizure on the train. He remembers lying helplessly on the floor watching the conductor push his way through the crowd to tell him he had medical training and knew what to do.

The train stopped. The passengers began exiting the train as quickly as possible. Josiah stood up, dusted himself off and began looking for the train conductor. It had rained earlier and the floor was wet. Josiah heard the conductor yelling at everyone to slow down so they wouldn’t slip and fall on the steps.

 With a smile on his face, the conductor said, “That goes especially for you young man.”

Josiah looked the conductor in they eye and said, “How did you know it was me?”

The conductor said he never forgets a face. No one ever gets passed him. The conductor opened a compartment next to him. Inside the compartment were straws and pinwheels. The conductor said that he gives the pinwheels to anyone he sees who needs something set right especially to the crying babies and small children. The conductor tells them the story of the young boy who gave him a pinwheel. Josiah started to thank the conductor for all that he did for him that day. The conductor told him there was no need to thank him. The conductor told Josiah that that day he was a passenger left in his charge as he is today. He reminded Josiah that even though they did not stay in contact for the years between there was never a day the train conductor forgot his kindness and has passed on that kindness to many other children and adults in need ever since. They were each part of the other’s journey though they may not have known or accepted it at the time.

“You just don’t know how, when or why you are going to meet people. You don’t know what purpose they will serve, but they will be part of your journey. All of the passengers I have shook hands with, laughed with, cried with and some have just held my arm for fear of falling down. I am the richer for it and I pass on that joy to everyone I meet.”

After talking with the train conductor a few more minutes, Josiah met his nurse. They walked to a nearby park bench and sat down. Josiah looked at the ducks and the geese on the water. He looked at the sun glistening through the trees and heard the frogs in the pond a few feet in front of him. These would be the last sounds and things he would see.