NO TEARS SORROW OR PAIN

Elisa must have lost her strength and people may see her in her black dress and be the center of all attention to see how she handles the last moments to see her husband go. Last night she arranged the car with her friend to bring her to the funeral home to be with her daughter in a limousine. Elisa was wondering why the other members of the family cannot join her, Many people have gathered already aside from family and friends Elisa was surprised to see her manager not her supervisor. She approached him and escorted him to the displayed pictures of her husband Ernie whom she has lost in his battle to cancer. Her Manager exclaimed a short comment admiring him of his attire and gesture , he was a singer, an entertainer. Her boss left then Elisa attended to the mourners who were lined up to the open casket to see the face of her husband for the last time. She talked to her visitors and hugged those who were close to her. No one notice Elisa is not shedding tears or the sign of feeling sorry as her visitors expressed their sorrow and even cried. Is she in denial? When the pastor announced that everyone will be seated she took a seat beside her sister who has been crying since she arrived. She took her hand and hold it tight and she held it until the end of the service. Maybe Elisa lost her feelings to the greatest shock in her life that she is trying to get away from it. Even at the burial site Elisa kept her composure even if her daughter was crying on her shoulder. what does she really feel? No one knows. Is it because that she has shouldered all the cost of his funeral but not sure if someone had helped at all? Five years ago when Ernie was diagnose with COPD when he had an attack he was rushed to the hospital where they put a tube on him and prescribed a new medication, a medication to help him breath. Elisa has face her duty as a caregiver to Ernie. Ernie and Elisa don't discuss his health condition openly. Ernie didn't want her to be affected and the same with Elisa, both of them seem in denial of his health condition. Ernie is afraid that this may result to anger for both of them,with all the health issues he is facing. How much will they spend on prescription and imagine the huge expense for a few days stay in the hospital, where will they get the money to pay the bills just in case his condition worsens. The worst thing happened when he went to his doctor and told him that his urine is colored orange. Elisa didn't panic. When he had his first diagnosis of COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disorder) she asked her employer to deduct an insurance from her paycheck just to answer unforseen emergency expenses or even death even if she has to reduce her monthly expenses so that she would not bother other people when their is an emergency and she must be facing huge expenses. Elisa also thought that day when Ernie was scared of his diagnosis of COPD when the doctor said he has to be carrying his puffer to clear his air sacs since they are not functioning properly. If his puffer is not available when there is an attack he might collapse and lost his breath, without immediate attention he may not be revive at all, meaning its the end of his life. Elisa and Ernie donot talk openly of his condition nor they tell it to anybody else or they may receive criticisms that both of them would be blamed by their relatives and friends. But Elisa took it to herself to pray solemnly to God her only refuge and sanctuary. Her deep Faith and belief rest in God grown up by her parents in the loving arms of God. And now she wondered at the present condition of Ernie suffering a dreaded disease she tried to search in her mind why she doesn't feel much sorrow or pain? She remembers very well that she cried so hard on her wedding day when she was not consulted how it could be prepared, who will shoulder the expenses? Both parties didn't discussed it knowing the parents of Elisa are well off while Ernie's relatives groomed and arranged their marriage. It is not surprising that a big feast was prepared by his relative. To Elisa she is not prepared for this, she was considering her vocation to be serving God, serving God in a convent but her father was against it, so she cried on her wedding day. She was comforted with the thought that she could take the responsibility of raising a family after she accepted and faced the problem squarely and that her daughter is a gift to her from God. While raising her daughter sending her to school Ernie was busy with his own career but not too serious about his obligations at home, Elisa thought he has his own misgivings so she thought she could attend on her because she has to focus on her work to meet her financial obligations. She thought Ernie in his own volition would give regular remuneration to her but Ernie got himself away telling Elisa has a better job. So there maybe a shortcoming made by Ernie or a denial of who would be the family provider a husband or a wife? This maybe the reason why they can't discussed openly. When problems come up Elisa will not win because Ernie is unreasonable so Elisa would take everything to herself and pray to God. When his diagnosis of cancer was confirmed Elisa didn't go to her relatives to ask for help but she thought her insurance is sufficed to cover all the hospital and medical bills. Ernie was terminally ill and even at this point he didn't talked to Elisa about it openly. She only told her that people shorten their lives when they are not careful about the food they take or the activities they engaged in. Repeatedly he asked Elisa to give him a complete funeral not cremation where Elisa granted his wish that even her daughter appreciated. Her daughter was able to help with her precious advice to have the funeral right at their place so that she could visit him regularly. With that Elisa was very thankful to her, not only it has reduced the funeral cost but it made their family closer and Elisa had shown her unwavering love to Ernie to follow his wish. Every week Elisa and her daughter visited his grave to bring flowers to him to feel some comfort that he was was given all the things that he had wish in life coming from Elisa a devoted wife to him to take care of him in the last six months of suffering the unimaginable pain caused by a liver abscess wherein the rare kind of cancer has lodged. Elisa may not be crying outsider but inside for the long duration her husband has endured, bringing yto his last vacation destination and his last day came two weeks after. The deep sorrow and pain of Elisa was not seen . it was denied to her.