Draw Me In

“Hi daddy!” the little three-year-old says, her pigtails swaying as she runs into her fathers comforting arms. He picks her up and swings her around in a wide circle, causing her to squeal with delight. 

“Hey peanut,” he says, putting her down. They both share wide smiles as the little girl looks up at her father, her hero.

“I’ve missed you, peanut.”

“I’ve missed you too, daddy.”

He takes her on an adventure into the woods. They are fairies flying in the forest leaving trails of golden pixie dust behind them. They pick flowers and the father puts a little red rose in his daughter’s hair, resting right on her small ear. 

But, all adventures have to end, and the father brings his daughter back to her home. 

“Bye peanut, I’ll see you next weekend.”

“Okay daddy!”

* * * * *

She sits on the wooden deck, legs hanging off. She has her sneakers on, ready for an adventure. Her hair is pulled back into a ponytail, held back by a pink ribbon tied into a neat little bow. 

The six-year-old’s mother is inside, pacing by the window, cursing something under her breath. 

Every time a car goes past, the little girl’s eyes light up, only to be darkened by disappointment. Her father was late; he was always on time, sometimes even early.

She waits for an hour, and an hour becomes two hours. Her mother comes outside and lifts her up.

“Hey sweetie, dad can’t come today. He is,” a slow pause between the two words, “sick.”

“It’s okay mommy,” the little girl says, upset that her father couldn’t come to play fairies or pirates like he always does. Next time, she thinks to herself optimistically.

* * * * *

Ten years old and tired of the guessing game, the girl, who isn’t so little anymore, looks out her window every few minutes to see if her father will come.

An hour past his normal visiting time, he swerves into the driveway. She hurries out of her room, quickly throwing on her shoes and pulling her hair back. 

“Hi dad,” she smiles as he walks in the door.

“You got any beer?” he asks, walking to the refrigerator in the kitchen.

Her smile is quickly wiped off of her face as her father opens a can of Budweiser. 

“Dad, what’s today’s adventure?”

“I don’t know, peanut. Any ideas?” he asks.

“I’ve always loved pirates,” she says excitedly, thinking of all of the possibilities. She has always loved to use her imagination, especially on her adventures with her father.

“Sounds good,” he says. He stumbles out of the house with the antsy girl on his tail. She runs past him into the woods, thrilled to be back on another adventure. 

She wanders through the woods, grabbing trees like they are sails on a ship as she pretends to search for treasure like they normally do when they play pirates. She turns around to see her father sipping from his can, sitting on the stump of a tree. 

“What are you doing, dad?” she asks.

“I’m just going to watch as you go on the adventure,” he says, slurring some of his words.

The girl started to dislike their adventures, which started turning into solo escapades. 

* * * * *

She just turned thirteen, and she is excited to be a teenager. She felt grown up; she isn’t a little kid anymore. 

It is a Saturday, and she is sitting in her kitchen, wondering if her father will show. She hadn’t seen him in a month, and all he did then was come to say hello. 

She was starting to lose hope. She always hoped that he would show up, but now she wonders if he even wants to see her, or if it is just another task he has to check off the list. 

Hours pass and the teen goes upstairs, shutting herself up into her room. Her curtains are closed so that she doesn’t keep looking out the window. She tries to cleanse herself of the anxiety that keeps pecking at her, wondering if her father will show. 

She eventually falls asleep and wakes up at sunset. She goes down the stairs to see a small little birthday gift with a ribbon bow on top.

“Your father stopped by,” her mother says.

And just like that, she is drawn right back in. She unwraps the gift to find a snowglobe. Inside, there are two little fairies, and when she shakes the trinket, pixie dust flies around the magical scene. 

A tear streams down her face as she remembers being younger. Her heart also hurts because she missed her father’s visit, and she would have to wait another week before seeing him.

* * * * *

“I don’t want to see him,” the sixteen-year-old says to her mother, her long hair covering parts of her eyes. 

She is in her room and her mother is leaning against the door frame. Her father is downstairs, but she stays planted in her bed. 

“What do you want me to say?” her mother asks. 

“Tell him to leave,” she says. She has black bags under her eyes, tired from all of the waiting. She was done with waiting. 

Her father had stopped coming, and when he came, he started asking for favors or money. A few months goes by, and she slowly loses her memory of him, as well as the want for him. She could drive to his house if she wanted to, it was only half an hour away, but what would she do when she got there? 

He has called her once or twice, but she wouldn’t answer. 

He left her text messages: I want to see you again. Is there any chance you can spare some change? She wouldn’t respond.

She had let him become such a high figure in her life that when he stopped coming to see her, it put a hole deep in her chest. 

* * * * *

She is eighteen and has high hopes for her future. She is about to graduate; the ceremony is tonight. She had two tickets to give, one evidently going to her mother, and the other burned her conscience. 

She drives to her fathers house a few hours before the ceremony. He isn’t there. She opens the mailbox and leaves it in, hoping he checks the mail before her graduation.

She gets ready at her mother’s house, and her mother helps with her hair and makeup.

Her dad texts her: I got your graduation ticket, see you there :)

She involuntarily gets excited, excited that her father even cares. But she wishes she didn’t because whenever she puts any faith in him, she is horribly let down. 

Her mother drives her to her high school auditorium, and her mother goes inside to the seating area. 

The girl finds her way to the graduation line, and as the ceremony starts, the line in front of her slowly shortens as more seniors walk across the stage.

She is next, and she peeks out from behind the curtains that is hiding the line of students. She sees her mother smiling with pride, no father next to her.

She didn’t think her father would sit next to her mother anyways, so she scans the crowd for her dad.

Times up, so she stops looking and walks across the stage as she shakes a few teachers' hands. She walks off the stage when finished, and once all of the seniors graduate, they flip over their tassels. 

They throw their hats up and it looks beautiful, not only because they all clash against each other, but they symbolize the end of high school and the beginning of a new adventure.

She meets with her mother who holds a beautiful bouquet of flowers, and her mother hands them to her. She thanks her and looks around, searching for him. She waits for him for a few minutes as her mother goes to pull the car up.

But he didn't come.