Fifteen's Not Enough

Trigger warning: suicidal thoughts

No matter his intelligence, nobody seemed to appreciate Simon. Even worse, the majority of the student body wasn’t even aware of his existence. Known as the tall guy, which was very understandable when you are 6’7 in a sea of dwarfs. The problem wasn’t his height; it was the fact that he had so many other amazing qualities and nobody seemed to care.

In high school, everybody thought he was amazing. He received nothing but praises daily. “That kid is going places,” his History teacher used to say. Around him, everybody nodded because they all knew it was true. Simon Smith was everything other students wanted to be. He had an incredible GPA and crazy soccer skills. Plus, he was tall, which was always an extra when it came to girls. He was adored, like a god should have been.

But then came college. The star of that tiny school in Ohio settled on a campus that was roughly the same size as he’s town. And, suddenly, he was invisible. Simon waited. It’s only my first year. Of course, I’m just another student, he told himself. But the year past, then another.

Two freaking years without a single recognition.

Simon felt someone bump into his shoulder. He turned around, to find a girl from his Calculus class, eyes barely leaving the book in her hand.

“Sorry, I didn’t see you there…” Her eyes scanned his face. “Sebastian, is it?”

His cheeks burned. “It’s Simon.” He coughed, unsure of what to say next. “Don’t worry about it, Kate.” He emphasized her name in an attempt to make her feel bad. After all, he knew her. He always tried to learn his classmate’s names, hoping it would cause people to reciprocate.

Kate closed the book in her hands. “Did you say your name was Simon? Are you, by any chance, Simon Smith?”

Simon’s eye brightened. Even if she hadn’t realized who he was at first, she was looking for him. That meant she knew him, that she cared. He laughed. “That would be me.”

“What are the odds, uh?” Kate blushed slightly and chuckled, trying to diffuse the awkwardness thickening the air. “Sorry I didn’t recognize you earlier.”

“It’s okay.” That was in the past. The only thing Simon was worried about was the reason that pretty girl was looking for him. He was excited, more so than he had felt in a long time now. “So, why were you looking for me?”

“I know it may sound weird, but I have this letter for you.” Simon smiled. Could it be some kind of love letter? He studied Kate, eyes traveling through her body, before nodding slightly to himself. He could definitely get behind a girl like that crushing on him. Unfortunately, Kate quickly burst his bubble. “I’m just the messenger, though. I don’t know who sent it. This guy said he’d pay me twenty dollars if I found you and gave you this.”

Simon stared at the hand being extended towards him for an embarrassingly long time. Finally, he went ahead and took the envelope she held in his own hands. Without so much as a final wave, Kate turned around and left, leaving him alone with his thought. And the mysterious letter, of course. He opened the envelope—white and plain with his name scribbled in it—and began reading. He opened his mouth in disbelief, his jaw hanging closer to the ground with each word.

Mr. Smith, you’ve been invited to join the Fifteen. Consider yourself honored. Come to the Thomas Jefferson statue at five. And don’t mention this to anybody. If you do, this offer will be revoked immediately.

He was ecstatic. It was finally happening. Everything he had been waiting for during his whole college life was happening now. With shaking hands, Simon folded the letter and put it back in the envelope. Paranoid, he looked around to make sure there wasn’t anybody watching. Of course, nobody was. In one swift move, he placed the letter inside his bag and walked to his dorm. He still had three hours until his big break and he had to get ready.

Those were, for sure, the three longest hours of his life.

Pacing the bedroom like a madman, Simon changed his tie for the seventh time before he lost count. He had just settled on the blue tie when he started second-guessing the whole outfit. Was the suit too much? He stared at the clothes he had been wearing earlier, spread in his bed. There was no way he could meet the Fifteen in that.

Simon stopped moving for a moment. What if it was all a joke? He suppressed a groan as this new thought formed in his head. Every single person on campus knew about the Fifteen. They were a myth, a fabled secret society only the elite was aware of. The legend said after the death of one of their members, they would send fifteen black roses to their grave. Still, nobody knew if this was true or where the flowers really came from.

Feeling the panic rising, Simon tried to breathe in deep. It couldn’t be a prank. He needed this, deserved it even.

He looked at his watch and realized, startled, that he only had ten minutes left until he had to go. Still, he preferred to leave early; better safe than sorry. Smoothing his tie one last time, Simon walked out of his bedroom and towards their meeting place. It took him exactly three minutes to arrive there, which meant he was early. Hence, he still had time to mentally prepare himself.

That was not true.

Leaning against the statue was Dwayne Rogers, the author of over twenty books about politics and philosophy. He was barely thirty and had already achieved what most people failed to do in their whole life.

“Simon Smith.” Rogers walked towards him and shook his hand. “We’ve been waiting for you. It’s so nice that you finally came to join us.”

Behind Rogers stood another guy, looking bored out of his mind. He glanced at his watch and glared at Simon. The latter widened his eyes, as he sneaked a peak of his phone. It confirmed what he already knew.

“But I’m early,” he replied, frowning. Rogers laughed lightly and his companion raised his eyebrows.

“What’s the point of going anywhere if you don’t arrive at least twenty minutes early?” Rogers winked.

Simon’s cheeks turned pink, then bright red. Why hadn’t he thought of that? This was definitely not the first impression he was trying to make. Not only had he arrived late by the Fifteen’s standards, but he was also the only weirdo wearing formal clothes. He fidgeted with his sleeve, feeling extremely silly. He looked at the two men and realized the guy next to Rogers was wearing the exact same shirt he had on earlier.

Oh, God.

“Anyway, I’m Dwayne Rogers.”

“Smith, Simon. I mean, Simon Smith.” He stumbled with his words and mentally slapped himself in the face. “Though I suppose you already know that. It’s so nice to meet you, Sir… I mean, Rogers. Dwayne.”

Sir? Could that have gone any worse?

The two guys exchanged a glance and, without another word, started laughing. Simon, on the other hand, felt like crying. He prayed to whoever was up there to please allow to vanish into thin air. He couldn’t stand this humiliation.

“I love how nervous you all get when we first meet. It’s hilarious.”

“Well, I’m glad my stupidity serves a purpose.” He didn’t mean to sound as bitter as he did.

Rogers laughed again. “It sure does. But don’t feel bad about it, it’s normal. We should get moving now, though. We have a lot to talk about.”

He followed the men, dragging his feet silently behind them. For the longest time, they walked around campus, until they arrived at a small, grey building. It looked as plain as possible. In fact, Simon had always thought it was some kind of place for storage.

“Welcome to our lair,” Rogers said and opened the door with the key in his hand.

Once inside, they went to what seemed like a conference room. There was a long table and, with a dozen chairs around it. In the corner, stood a coffee machine and a box with cookies.

“Come on, sit. I’ll tell you everything you need to know.”

He really did. For hours, they talked, answering every single question Simon had. Rogers' answers were smooth and rehearsed; making it clear he had done this before a million times. Simon listened, absorbing as much information as possible. Well, he tried to, at least. His brain was foggy with excitement.

“I need you to understand that being asked to join is a great privilege." Rogers' face was dead serious, any trace of his previous laughter long gone. "Only the best people, the smartest ones are allowed in. You are very special, Simon. We noticed that. We want you to be one of us, but that comes with a set of rules you need to follow.”

“Like what?”

“The first and most important one is the secrecy. You need to promise you will never tell anyone about the existence of the Fifteen. You can’t talk about what happens here or reveal any of the members. Not your family, your friends, or your girlfriend. I don't care about any excuses. If you ever tell anything, there will be consequences. And, trust me, you don’t want to face them.”

Simon nodded. “Of course, I won’t say a thing.” He barely registered the words coming out of his mouth. He was still thinking about what Rogers had said. You are very special. He was. He was one of the chosen.

He almost felt like shedding tears of happiness when he realized he wasn't just the tall guy anymore.

“It’s not as simple as that. I’ll need you to sign a contract.” He handed him a black folder. “Take your time and read it. You have until tomorrow.”

“No need.” The eagerness was getting the best of him. “I’m in.”

He was handed a pen and, a few seconds later, it was done. Rogers smiled. “Great. Welcome to the Fifteen, Simon Smith. You’ll have the greatest of times.”

And for the first six months, he did. The meetings, the projects, everything was great. They discussed philosophy and Star Wars theories. Once, Simon had even managed to convince them to organize a soccer tournament. Simon felt right at home. The initial awkwardness faded. For a while, he felt important.

Until the attention given to him by the other members stopped being enough. Another person joined them and the novelty that Simon represented went to the new girl. Suddenly, the knowledge of being part of the Fifteen wasn’t enough. He wanted more, needed more.

Simon Smith needed everyone to know how special he was.

Seven months had gone by when Simon started to have a recurring dream. Once a week, sometimes more, he found himself in the middle of campus. Around him, people cheered, chanting his name as he walked past them. He saw a girl faint as he saw him, felt the touch of another one flirting with him. Everywhere he turned, there was somebody waiting for him, wanting to date him, to befriend him, or to be him.

Then he woke up. The dream always never went any further. And every time, he woke up with the sad realization that, for the rest of the world, he was still the tall guy. The logical part of his brain tried to calm him down. He knew he couldn’t tell people about the Fifteen. But he wanted to, badly.

“Why can’t we say anything?” Simon asked Rogers once. They had been playing pool in their building.

“Because we are not here for bragging rights. There are rules that were established when this society was first created, and we have to follow them. Plus, the mystery is fun. I love hearing the stories people make up about us.”

The mystery is no fun, Simon wanted to say. What’s the point of yelling if no one is there to listen?

“Then why send the black flowers after one of us dies? It defies the purpose of keeping it a secret.”

“It’s a way to honor them, to show them we will remember them.”

Though at that moment it didn’t seem like such a big deal, Rogers words stuck in Simon’s head. After his death, he would receive the attention he deserved. Was that the solution to his problem? As soon as he thought about it, he knew the answer was no. He needed the attention, the praises, now.

This leaves just one solution. He shook his head. He couldn’t kill himself, just to be appreciated. But the thought stayed on his mind. And wandered through it more often than he would care to admit.

I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.

He was right. Even though the thought about it a hundred times, he never followed through. He kept on living as the tall guy for the rest of his college career. On the day of his graduation, he even thought of jumping off the Fifteen’s building. End it for once and for all.

But, again, he didn’t. All bark, no bite. Turns out, Simon Smith never did anything but complain.