A little comeback

Right. He goes unconscious and then I say, rest your eyes and rest your tongue, for I don’t need them. I came to parley with your soul. Do they want a ghost? Do they want scary? This will haunt them for days… If only Lipman can hurry up with his monologue. At this rate, I’ll have to wait another hour for my cue line. He's really struggling today… Can this darn floor be any colder? Don't they know how dangerous it is for my age? All I have on are these cursed robes. Oh, there she comes with my socks. “Lovely. Thank you, dear. Can you feel how cold this floor is? Does he know how cold it is? No? Thank you.” She walks away. Lovely smile. No, don’t worry, I don’t need a chair to put them on. I’ll do it on floor. Can anyone see this? Douglas Lee Barnes is in the wings sitting on his bare ass! What a travesty. No, I get it, I am a ghost and ghosts don’t care about thick wool socks. But I’m not an animal! I am a ghost! Not an animal… Keep it together. Inhale, exhale… Ok, one more time, baby. Eerie music, I enter, he says you are not Odysseus, I've seen you in my nightmares, you are a specter of my murdered youth, remove you gaze, my senses fail me, I approach him, he goes unconscious, end scene… But it won’t end like that today. Today we are making a little comeback… For too long they’ve been abusing the same excuse. You can't remember your lines, Doug. We'll see what YOU can remember when you're my age, you pale, double chinned calculator. Speak of the devil. “Sully! How goes it, pal? Me? Ready to go as always. You know, after 20 or so shows, it’s starting to feel like my breakout role!” Strange how he usually pretends to laugh at my jokes, but not this time. Looking paler than usual too. I think he wants to tell me something. No, changed his mind. Thanks for the ‘break a leg’, but why did it sound so depressing? No, you can’t go just yet. “Wait, Sul. What’s the matter? What!? Who’s shutting us down?” I’ll whisper if you tell me, what is this I am hearing! “Who’s shutting us down? I’m whispering. The state? Social distancing? Yes, I heard.” His usually restless eyes are fixed at a point far away. “I’m speechless, Sul. When did you find out? Do the guys know?” A nod. Of course, I’m the last to know. “And for how long will this go on?” Right, who knows. “Well, what are we all to do? …Sul?” He’s gone… What a joke. Is this a joke? I cannot believe this. Are all the theatres shutting down? How can this be? No, it must be a mistake. There should be an exception. Oh God, help me push through this pile of mess. We don’t deserve this. Spare. Spare this precious ancient art. The heart is racing. Spots. What is there to do? Who should I call? It doesn’t matter, they are all dead. Jesus, how can I be this old? More spots. Ok, inhale and exhale. I’m not ready to method act this son of gun. Not yet. There must be a way.  Give me a moment. Closing eyes helps a little… Yes, that’s better. It’s coming back, now. We’ve waited long enough for this next guest to appear back on our show. It will take me a day to list you all his awards and merits. He’s well known for his dedication to the craft and the ability to transmit optimism and hope to the audience. And I’m certain that I speak for many of you when I say that at a time like this, boy oh boy, how desperately we need someone like him… Douglas Lee Barnes, ladies and gentlemen! And the crowd goes wild. It’s beautiful. And it will be. Yes, let’s rise above the rush, confusion, sadness and all that noise. I’m your beacon, people. Follow my lead… And there’s the cue line. Eerie music. Here we go. Slowly. Unfortunately, the thick socks can’t muffle the sound of the old creaky stage floors. How many times did I tell him to spend some money on fixing this? Priorities, Sully. What kind of a scary ghost walks around while gently warning everybody of his presence? It’s not scary, it’s pathetic! I can hear the chuckles already. Calm down, Doug… It’s the jim-jams. Every time like the first time. But this time will be a little different. Let’s just remember the line. My line. What is it again? …Holy moly. It can’t be. No, no, no! Don’t panic. I can still remember it. If I walk slowly enough it will come to me before I reach the spot… No, there is not enough time. Damn it all! And here is the spot… Alright, Lipman, let’s get it over with… Are those tears in his eyes? What the hell is he saying? Am I in a dream or did he just call me Doug? In front of the full house? “Huh?” It was nice working with you too, pal, but why are you doing this now? No, don’t leave the stage. Let’s finish the scene! And he left. At least he apologized to them… The ambient noise of the crowd has seized. Little coughs, sneezes, yawns, and the bursting of touchscreen bubbles. It all stopped. I can feel their gazes shifting towards me. Oh, the awkwardness. Hang on a minute. This is about to get much worse. Yes, at any moment now, the curtains are going to fly in and cover the stage. And this will be the end. The worst of any ends. Worse than death. Should I run to the apron to avoid being covered from the house? Doug, are you going to stand in front of them all by yourself? Well, I’m doing that already. Do you have anything to say to them? I don’t know. There is no time. Now or never!

"Wait! Wait a minute... Hello. Er, good evening, folks! Did you guys see how I slid towards you and almost fell? That would have been funny, right? If I fell? Ha-ha… I wear these socks, you see, because the floors are cold… And there goes the curtain… Er, you see, I don’t want you folks to think that this is as good as it gets in our time. Things can get better… Who am I? No, I’m not really a ghost. I would have removed these robes, but there is nothing underneath. At least nothing impressive, you know? At my age. Please, before you start booing, let me finish my original thought. I promise, I won’t take much more of your time… Where was I? Ah, yes. I wanted to say that I’m tired. And I am not tired, because I’m old. I’m tired of the lethargy around me. You know? Of this greyness, apathy, and dullness everywhere. Sure, you can wear all the bright colors imaginable on you; you can dye your hair ultramarine if you want; tattoo your body all over like a yakuza! Heck, you can even wear a toilet on your head, for all I care! The one thing that you will never hide is that narcosis in your eyes. That’s right! All of you look in the mirror when you get home. Take a good look! Those eyes are lifeless. You got no drive in you. You are chasing one another for approval. You preach about `loving yourself`, but instead you constantly live in fear and admiration of others… Most of you here are young enough to be my children and grandchildren. And I’m sorry, but I cannot lead you to salvation. I don’t provide life coaching lessons. And I cannot be your next president. I am too old. Take a good look at me. Look at these darn robes! …I can’t stand it anymore! Sul, I’m taking it off! I’m sorry… And now I’m naked. Oh, look at them go. Where are you all going? You should be helping me! Take me to the brighter future, people! Useless! Lifeless! ... I'm done."