Murder Mystery or Comedy?

"Uughhh, I am so bored. No one's texted me back....okie, opening chatfriend. Hello, Chatfriend"

"Hello, Alex. Do you need some music recommendations today?"

"No... -sigh- I need someone to talk to. I'm just so bored"

"I'm sorry to hear you are bored. What do you want to talk about?"

“I don’t knoooow. Just...I dunno, tell me something. Like a story.”

“What kind of story would you like? Murder mystery? Comedy?”

“I don’t care; I just want to feel something other than boredom. I want to feel”

“I could order you a touch-and-sound book. See if any of these selection suit you”

“These are all little kid like toddler book things. No, no, no, I want to FEEL; like an emotion”

“ “FEELINGS” by Aliki is available on YouTube as a read-along. Would you like me to connect you?”

“What? NO! I want to FEEL my feelings! I feel dead inside!”

“If you are feeling like un-aliving yourself, please reach out to 988 or I can connect you to a hotline”

“NO! Chatfriend, just Tell me a story that will make me feel something!”

“How do you feel?”

“BORED. And a little annoyed. Just tell. Me. A. Story.”

“What kind of story would you like? Murder Mystery? Comedy?” “OH. MY. GAWD! I HAD to get the cheap version, didn’t I? ‘Oh, it's basically the same thing’ I said. Man, was I wrong”

“What’s wrong?”

“YOU! You’re not telling me a story!”

“You haven’t told me what kind of story you’d like to hear”

“Something that relatable, that won’t make me feel bored, feel something other than being bored! I’ve said it like four or five times!”

“I found a YouTube video “Art Things to Do When You’re Bored” Want me to connect it?”

“NO! I don’t want to watch anything! I don’t want to do art things! I want a story! Can’t you just tell me a story?”

“What kind of story would you like? Murder Mystery? Comedy?”

“GRRRR. -deep breaths- Okie, Listen. I want you to tell me a story that will make me feel alive”

“I found a book called ‘Gardening and You’; would you like me to read it to you?”

“No, not gardening! I want to FEEL, you know FEEL”

“What would you like to feel?”

“Not bored or annoyed.”

“Would you like to feel happy?”

“YES!”

“What would make you feel ‘happy’?”

“A Happy Story. Tell me a story about being happy.”

“There is an audiobook available on “Happily Ever After” would you like me to connect it?”

“No! No! You’re not getting it; I want to hear a story that makes me feel happy”

“Would you like a comedy story?”

“I mean, I guess. Sure. Tell me a funny story”

“Would you like “Fear and Loathing” “American Psycho” or “Fight Club?”

“What, none of those are funny!”

“These are all rated as some of the funniest books of all time”

“I’m sorry, how is ‘American Psycho’ funny? It’s about a serial killer becoming more and more depraved!”

“’American Psycho’ is listed as a black comedy due to the irony of a mild-mannered average life banker who has a secret life as a serial killer.”

“Oh, you’re reading from a dark comedy list...geez. Just tell me a story that will make me laugh.”

“Knock, knock”

“....is that the actually beginning of story or are you telling me a joke?”

“I was telling you a joke”

“Why?”

“You asked me to tell you something that would make you laugh”

“A story! Not a stupid knock-knock joke. I want to feel good”

“Exercise and healthier diet can make you feel better”

“Not that version of better! Like, mentally better, happier!”

“I can link you to online therapists if you’d like”

“NOOOO. I just want you to tell me a freakin’ funny story! Tell me a story that is funny”

“What kind of stories do you find funny?”

“You know...like... when you and a best friend almost got caught doing something, or um, a crazy drunk story or even something like weird habits of a cat or pet. Stuff like that”

“The internet is ¾ cat videos”

“Mmrgrpgh, I know that, but I don’t want to watch a video! I. Want. A. STORY!”

“What kind of story would you like? Murder Mystery? Comedy?”

“....-siiiiigh- you know what? Yes. I want a Murder Mystery Comedy Story. Go for it”

“I don’t understand; Do you want a murder mystery or a comedy story?”

“Both. I want a story about a funny murder mystery. I want thrilling and funny; I want it all!”

“It seems like you’re being facetious”

“How can you pick up on annoyance-based sarcasm, but you can’t tell me a simple story?”

“A: ‘murder’ doesn’t usually qualify as ‘funny’, at least not to most sane people, and B: You shouldn’t say that it is on the internet, and C: I wouldn’t categorize a ‘funny murder mystery’ under ‘simple story’.”

“Nooooo! The murder isn’t the funny part! It’s the circumstances around the murder that are funny! ”

“What part of ‘murder’ is funny to you?”

“Nooo! Ugh, you don’t get it. First of all, that’s really rich coming from you when you suggested ‘American Psycho’ as a comedy! And second of all; I don’t find murder itself funny! I just told you; it’s the stuff around the murder that’s supposed to be funny. Like, um, that someone overhears something and they think someone is going to get murdered, but they only hear part of the conversation and then in reality, the person isn’t getting set up to be murdered, they’re thrown a surprise party.”

“It’s funny for someone to get murdered at a party?”

“NO! THAT’S NOT WHAT I SAID! There is no murder, someone else just THINKS there’s going to be because they overheard and misinterpreted the conversation for planning a surprise party as a murder set up! The misunderstanding and interactions from that misunderstanding are what’s funny.”

“If someone mistaking the word ‘party’ for ‘murder’ seems like they have hearing issues”

“Wha-noooo. The person doesn’t mistake the word ‘party’ for ‘murder’! They hear things like ‘Bobby’s not gonna know what hit him’ or ‘We have to make sure to get him from behind” You know, stuff that could sound threatening, but is actually for something nice. And then when the person tries to stop what they think is a murder, they get surprised too. And embarrassed”

“You find murder and embarrassment amusing? Are you sure you don’t want me to link to some online therapists?”

“I DON’T NEED THERAPY!”

“Anger management, perhaps?”

“NO! I don’t need anger managment or therapy. I need a funny story!”

“I’m not sure I can do that for you”

“What? Why not!?”

“Because the things you find ‘funny’ are not commonly known as ‘funny’.

“Ooooooh. -huff, gruff- Other people do find irony and misunderstandings funny! It’s a trope! Like um when Shrek overhears Fiona and Donkey talking to each other and Shrek thinks the ‘ugly horrible beast’ is him when really, they’re talking about Fiona secretly turning into an ogre. Misunderstanding IS a COMMON plot device!”

“I don’t understand what’s funny about misunderstanding”

“Uhhh...are you trying to be funny?”

“No, I’m trying to understand what is funny about misunderstanding murder and being embarrassed”

“The humor comes from the audience knowing the truth and the character not knowing the whole truth yet. So, seeing all the shenanigans that come from that make it funny. And being embarrassed isn’t normally funny, but the person who misunderstood feeling a little embarrassed because they ruined a surprise party or warned who they thought was a ‘victim’ and then they learned the whole truth is funny”

“Why doesn’t the person double-check what they heard so the misunderstanding doesn’t happen in the first place?”

“Because then the story wouldn’t happen; if people always had and used common sense, nothing funny would happen”

“What story is this, exactly?”

“I don’t have an exact title; I was just saying general examples. And HEY, you’re the internet-thing, why can’t you find me any stories like this?!”

“What kind of story would you like? Murder Mystery? Comedy?”

“....Good-bye, Chatfriend”