There Seem to be No Time

There seem to be No Time

The wind whispers under the rustling leaves of the avocado tree. It is eight in the evening with three quarters of a bright moon stealing through the fragile twigs. It is one of the nights of a pandemic era. There is also one more sound mixing with the wind. Wait, here again … a very faint inaudible... Now it is gone. There is a hovering wish that the pandemic would be gone as it mysteriously appeared from no were, in no time.

She stood in the middle of small patch of the trees longing for what she hopes for. Had he been upset? … I will tell him I am so … ry … There ... she heard it again. It looks as if a foot step is cautiously moving on the dry leaves of autumn. Is he trying to play the hide and seek thing with me this hour? But the steps are fading once again. And they have got a creepy sense about them steps.

As she stood beside the narrow gravel drive way to the house near the big boulder she tried to rewind the events of the previous day in her head. It was … it was full of doubt and uncertainty and more. She had never had time to explain herself. Others, close or far, had not taken the time to explain their thoughts to her either. And the pandemic made things more complicated for all of us. How could people made understanding easy while they are six feet apart. They were never in the same page while they were inches away. Yesterday she begun to speak her mind to no avail. She could only …

Here comes that rustle sound again disguised with the whisper of the wind gently shaking the twigs and the leaves. Forget it, it might be some helpless rodent scurrying past underneath the fallen dried leaves … or was it more than that?

Against the suffocating heat over the day now the chill is slowly growing on her shoulder skin through her sweater. Voice less bumps are volcanizing over her scantily dressed skin. No big deal … it’s only a rodent. Or was there something else … something more …

Just as she manages to go back to her thought of the previous day, at the corner of her eyes, a thing, vaguely recognizable silhouette of a figure swept past a few yards away behind a dying wide tree trunk. … Her mind must be paying games … May be she shouldn’t be out here alone at this hour. But still she is practically in the family’s property. She lives here in the house just behind her. They are all there in the seating room with beer can and soda still arguing and misunderstanding her as always.

She turned and begun to climb the short gravel ride towards the house. Bent down and just into few steps, she playfully kicked her shoe against a gravel. About sixty yards for the porch … and … she raised her head to see … She swallowed hard. It is just standing few inches from her face something straight glittering object held in its right hand, or was it a hand, she cannot be sure. … There seem to be no time. The small animal of a gazelle inside her stirred to ready itself for a flight with an animal instinct. There is no time … no time, ever, never had had a tim … She sighed a long sigh of unfulfilled breath. Inaudible but to her and her encounter. Her knees go weak under her small weight.

“Why are you doing such thing? You almost killed me with fright.” Her eyes are beaming with relief and love, in that order. He had wrongly worn his mask under his nose. What was the point of the mask? She didn’t say it aloud.

“I knew you were out here during such mood of yours.”

Huh, such mood would be no time to get understood. “What are you doing with that thing in your hand?” The shock of being in the unpleasant hide and seek game is slowly fading.

“I killed a rabbit and I will roast it for you.”

She laughed at this and she forgave him yesterday’s simple misunderstanding that he portrayed to her argument. Instead, she said “I am sorry for overreacting last time”. A woman in a patriarchal society. Apologizing for what she is not responsible for. She had not created it, but she has to carry it with her.

He wants to marry her and be the man that says I do. And she want him to be. Yet she wants to see more, to know more, time to bid farewell to her bachelorette, for just little more time. There seems to be no time.

They begin walking the remainder of the stapes to the porch holding hands. He wouldn’t come into the house, though she wanted him to be. He is not a family yet. Will he understand she needed time to think? She has got no specific reason to wait. Is no reason can be a reason for not to?

They bade farewell at the porch to which she is not ready yet to open and enter. Time to have some more kisses, time for some more words. Time for just looking at him. Time! He smiles that smile and turned around to find her in the same situation again – with lack of time to say or do what she thinks worthy of expressing, loving, doing, acting, forgiving and more. Am I alone with LOTS, luck of time syndrome? I wouldn’t know, would I? She opened the door and entered as she thinks that tomorrow would be the same. He will leave somewhere that precious time we need between us. Come for that brief moment and go away as soon. Time is such expensive commodity for her these days. Or was it going to be so for the years to come. She dreaded the thought. May be the pandemic will go away and all their plans would fall into place, gather, get married, and make a home and … of course have a child or two. But before then …