Some hate it hot

“There`s no greater honour than to fight the beast, Your Majesty. Your daughter will be back in her loving mother`s arms before you know it,” a knight kneeled in front of the King. The King and his Queen were in mourning as well as their court. Princess Rosaline had been given away as a virgin bride to a local Dragon who made the King obey traditions and follow his rules. Rosaline had just turned eighteen when the Dragon appeared wearing his finest jewelry and snatched the crying Princess from her mother`s embrace.

Ever since that final mother`s scream stopped echoing in the palace`s chambers, the King was looking for a volunteer to save his daughter. He was inclined to act upon his own will instead of bowing to the ancient traditions. Besides, his only daughter was the heiress to the throne and the future of riots and bloodshed without a ruling monarch didn`t appeal to him at all.

Soon enough noble knights and hotheads were queueing outside the Throne Hall to proclaim their desire to fight for Rosaline`s life and hand. As much as the King wanted the best for his daughter, he couldn`t predict the winner. He had even talked to a local witch but the answer had been frustratingly vague.

Days were passing by. Some knights changed their minds and left at the first sight of the Dragon, some were killed in a fight so Rosaline was remaining in captivity. The Dragon also banned all mail so no one knew how she was keeping. The King and the Queen were growing sadder and sadder, the Queen`s eyes were red and swollen from the never-ending tears and the King`s hair was turning grey.

And then sir Bumperdick entered the Throne Hall one day. Young and ambitious, he was determined to get the Princess and the Kingdom all to himself. The good-looking strong knight kneeled in front of the Regal couple. Of course the heartbroken parents blessed sir Bumperdick to venture out and slay the beast. In fact, the King was ready to welcome the winner as his own son.

The next morning sir Bumperdick was ready to embark on the journey of his life. His silver shining armor was brighter than the sun, his long sword was sharp and ready in the sheath, his hot stallion was pawing the ground. All the ladies were in love with him and the court was carefully optimistic as the knight looked promisingly menacing. Even the Queen was faintly smiling for the first time in weeks.

“May gods guide your hand in battle, my son,” said the king, “My heart is full of hope and I`m praying that you bring my daughter back.”

“I`m giving you my word, I`ll do my best, Your Majesty,” replied sir Bumperdick, “I`m ready to bet my life.”

And bet he did. Followed by the thunder of applause and cheering, the knight mounted his stallion and left the palace.

It took sir Bumperdick two days to get to the mountains where the Dragon lived in his cave. The closer the knight was getting to the den, the more skeletons were lying along his path. Swords, spears and destroyed armor were scattered around in the burned grass. It`d be a lie to say that such a tragic sight left sir Bumperdick indifferent. On the contrary, he felt waves of fear washing over him. He`d never met the Princess in person so he could only hope that she was an obedient lady worthy of risking his life for her. Granted, he wouldn`t mind becoming a king but that role came with a wife and a vial of poison. A wife he`d never spoken to before.

Sir Bumperdick spent the night behind a huge chunk of a rock and at the first light of the dawn he mounted his stallion and galloped towards the gaping black entrance to the Dragon`s den. The armor shining in the hesitating sunrays looked like fire itself and its reflection made the muscles of the stallion dully glisten. The knight was working himself up to sound intimidating when the time was right to call the Dragon out for a fight. He was expecting blood, violence, loss of his stallion but what he wasn`t expecting at all though was a gigantic gong right outside the cave entrance.

Confused, sir Bumperdick was staring at the gong. A weird feeling that something was awfully off started to twist his insides into a tight knot.

“Hello?” he said just in case. All his righteous rage had evaporated.

No answer followed. Insects were buzzing in the grass, a light breeze was playing with the stallion`s mane and sir Bumperdick was starting to feel like a fool. He strongly disliked that feeling but he couldn`t leave either so he wiggled in the saddle, took a deep breath and made his stallion kick the gong. A terribly loud bang roamed across the terrain. The stallion neighed, frightened, but sir Bumperdick drew the reins and calmed him down.

The gong was still trembling when something shifted inside the cave. Sir Bumperdick tried to compose himself but when he heard the Dragon`s roar, he lost his self restraint. His stallion neighed hysterically and got up.

“Beware, the ugly beast!” shouted sir Bumperdick at the top of his lungs, “For I have come to end your heinous rule!”

“Why?” politely asked someone huge right behind his shoulder. The armor plate got warmer.

Sir Bumperdick froze. His stallion was trying to run away but something was holding his tail.

“Why what?” the knight didn`t recognize his voice.

“Why do you wish to kill me all while insulting me? I haven`t done anything to you to deserve such fate,” a deep voice replied growingly.

“You`ve taken Rosaline,” stuttered the knight, trying to stay in his saddle and keep the naked sword in his gloved hand. “And I`m here to save her!”

“All for the throne,” a deep disappointed sigh burned the feathers on the knight`s helmet. The stallion jerked aside and that terrible something let it go. Sir Bumperdick immediately found himself on his back on the ground dragged down by a huge clawed paw. What he saw rendered him mute. An enormous scaly beast was towering over him spreading his wings that hid the sun from the sight. The knight thought himself to be a brave man but when he plunged into the shadow and felt the fire hot breath on his face, he felt sick.

“It`s an old story,” the Dragon stretched lazily and yawned. “Sorry for the horse.”

The knight was trying to get up and find his sword but the armor was too heavy and he was clumsily wiggling on the ground. The beast was watching him with a sardonic grin. Sir Bumperdick, drowning in sweat, was growing more and more agitated, feeling strangely nauseous and short of breath. The Dragon carefully helped him up.

“Thank you.”

“No bother at all.”

“Now prepare to die!” the knight pointed his sword at the Dragon and ran towards him aiming for the chest scales.

The Dragon flapped his wings, lifted himself up on his hind legs and set the grass on fire right in front of the knight, blocking his attack. Then he proceeded to light up all the grass around sir Bumperdick, leaving him stuck in a ring of fire. The knight`s sword was useless against the roaring flames so he was standing there, looking to his sides in hopes of finding a way out. The heat was increasing and sir Bumperdick`s body was starting to sweat profusely and that weird sickness was spreading down to his legs.

“Now, before we engage in a fight,” the Dragon clearly was imitating a judge, “I`d love to make it known that Rosaline has no desire to go back since she`s found her true self and freedom, roaming in the wild.”

“You`re lying! You`ve imprisoned her and God only knows what else you`ve done to her!”

The Dragon snickered.

“It`s not very noble of you to accuse me of unimaginable atrocities, but I`ve grown accustomed to the endless human shallowness.”

“All human males are the same,” a young girl`s voice interrupted.

Sir Bumperdick fell to his knees fighting for air when a giant Dragon`s wing flapped over his head, extinguishing the flames. His roar turned into loving murmur.

“Another one, for God`s sake,” something light and silky flashed by the knight. The last thing he saw before he lost his consciousness was Rosaline sitting on a giant clawed paw.

It was raining outside. Sir Bumperdick was lying on a makeshift bed in a cave, covered with nothing but a thin silk shawl. There was a fire crackling inside but the ceiling of the cave was hiding in darkness. He could see only the nearest objects lit up by dancing flames but he could swear the cave was terrifyingly large. Slowly he moved his head to see if there was someone else but it felt like he was alone. He saw his clothes folded up neatly at the bed side and realized that someone had undressed him and wiped his body clean. The Dragon wasn`t able of exercising such precise task so there could be only one person… The knight felt blood rushing to his cheeks and to the back of his head. He`d lost everything – his pride, his weapon, his stallion… his future. He was a loser, a failure, an outcast… Bitter tears welled up in his eyes. He rushed to his feet, losing his covers and grabbed his clothes.

“So you`re alive,” he heard giggling from behind. Startled, he covered his private parts and backed off into the shadows. A bunch of happy barefoot girls was sitting in the corner studying him shamelessly.

“He`s handsome even with those blotches and rash,” said a pretty blonde.

“He`s a knight,” another one pulled a face.

“They force you to marry one and next thing you know you`re stuck with childbirth and a cheating husband without any alcohol and fun,” a tall brunette produced an apple from her pocket and took a huge bite. There were five girls and all of them were eyeing sir Bumperdick.

“Excuse me, ladies,” he was fighting the urge to scream and run away into the rain, “We haven`t been introduced properly… if only you gave me a moment…”

“We`ve seen everything,” said the girl with an apple, “Animignis said you had a terrible allergic reaction to heat so he summoned all these storm clouds to help you heal. He saved you life.”

“What?”

“He`s stupid but pretty,” sighed a plump girl, winding her hair around her finger, “He doesn`t have to be smart, does he?”

“Shut up, Marie Lou,” said a young blonde, “He`s here to save me.”

“Princess Rosaline!” cried out sir Bumperdick and reached out his arms, “I`ve found you!”

The giggling turned into laugher. The knight felt on his knees, grabbing his pants and retreating into the corner. But the girls were crying with laughter, even the juicy apple was forgotten.

Sir Bumperdick was on the verge of tears. It was the biggest humiliation of his life. He felt punished for impurity of his intentions and rightfully so. He got dressed hastily and turned to the girls who he thought to be all princesses when the roar outside shook the cave. The weather responded to the Dragon with a lightning and thunder, outlining his monstrous silhouette.

“I have to fight you,” whispered the knight fighting back tears, “I`ll be fighting you to death.”

“You won`t be fighting anyone, darling,” Rosaline stepped forward, wiping her tears, “None of us is going back.”

“He`s enslaved you!”

“No, I haven`t,” the Dragon entered the cave, water running down his wings. “These lovely ladies are my students and the future of their countries. Good evening, girls.”

“Good evening to you, Animignis,” a happy girls` choir responded, but the knight wasn`t listening. Blinded by humiliation, he grabbed his sword and attacked the dragon. The blade met the bone in the wing, scratching the skin. Animignis roared and fire was staring to curl in his throat. Rosaline reached out her arm and whispered something. Huge wings spread in the cave, scattering the burning logs and throwing the knight outside in the rain. The Dragon followed the knight, crouching to the ground, hissing and spitting fire. Sir Bumperdick attacked again, this time aiming for the neck. Animignis caught the blade with his fangs and ripped it out of the man`s hands.

“You should`ve taken magic classes to defeat me,” his angry roar was thunder-like, “Or at least a spear, you, foolish ungrateful human!”

“You are supposed to be extinct, you, giant ancient lizard! I`m supposed to win and marry the Princess and become the king!” shouted the knight trying to make himself heard above the sounds of rain hitting the rocks with fury, “I`m supposed to be the one! I`ve bet my life!”

“And the one you will be,” Rosaline stepped outside, enveloped by purple light. Her voice was unrecognizable.

“What the…” the knight frowned. He didn`t like surprises and stubborn women.

“For you are allergic to life-giving heat, I`m gifting you with cold. You will be the one and only forever and ever and people will be fighting over you but no one will receive happiness from owning you.”

“Child, don`t,” pleaded the Dragon, “I`ve never meant you to feel this way.”

“You`ve freed me and I`m not giving it up,” said Rosaline. The other four were watching her from behind in silence, standing at the entrance. Sir Bumperdick was utterly perplexed.

“I demand explana…”

He didn`t finish. With a blazing explosion he was turned into a massive diamond. The precious stone clinked on the rocks. The princesses were staring at it solemnly.

Rosaline hugged herself and the Dragon shielded her from the rain with his wing.