Time Heals

I sat anxiously in my bedroom, every passing ring making me feel worse.It’s no use I sighed, then finally she answered: “Hello”? She greeted, sounding detached, distant. I swallowed: “Hi”. I smiled: “Amy”? She asked stunned. “How did you get this number”? “Sorry, it was on your Facebook page, I didn’t wanna invade your privacy, it’s just been so long you know”? I rambled, probably seeming pathetic but I didn’t care. She sighed: “I keep forgetting to change my privacy settings”. “Or remove my number altogether”. “I know it’s been ages, but come on, we’re sisters”.“You’ve changed your tune”. She spat back, her voice venomous, it making me feel sick: “I never should’ve let mum come between us, I’m sorry Ells”. I hoped hearing her old nickname would pacify her, nope: “Don’t call me that”. She seethed, I inhaled deeply: “Sorry, look, point is, I’ve missed you, I was hoping maybe we could meet up, talk”. I waited with baited breath: “Why, after all this time”? She asked, voice still filled with anger: “Mum cut you out now too”?

 My heart froze, she didn’t know, we both had complicated relationships with our mum, but she was still our mum: “Sh-she died”. I answered sadly, we fell silent, for a second I thought Ellie had  hung up: “Oh”. She said apathetically: “How”? “On holiday, boat accident”. I replied, my voice cracking: “When”? She asked coldly: “Last month”.. “It took you a whole month to get my number off Facebook”? She asked instantly, her tone sharp:. It sounded so bad the way she said it: “Sorry, I needed a bit of courage and I thought you knew, anyway, mum dying got me thinking, we used to be so close, I know I ruined it but, I just thought with everything that’s happened, life’s too short to stop talking, we’re family”. “It took mum dying for you to realise that”? I hung my head, she made it sound so awful: “It helped me come to my senses, I never should’ve cut you out over something mum said, you know how she could be”. “Yeah I do”. She agreed, softening somewhat, I gave a small smile: “So, can we talk”? I dared to ask, she exhaled: “fine, there’s a park near my neighbourhood, I’ll text you the address”. My smile broadened, finally, I was gonna see my sister after three years! “Great”. I answered, downplaying my enthusiasm: “I’ll see you soon”. “Yeah”. She said simply before hanging up.

Arriving at the address Ellie texted, i came across a small secluded bench. She looked unrecognisable: her hair looked unkempt, she was scarily thin and her shoes were worn out. I approached her slowly: “Ellie”? I asked, her head spun toward me: “Amy”. She greeted blandly, but her mouth twitched up slightly,. I sat at the other end of the bench, not wanting to overstep: “How’ve you been”? I asked “Ok”. She answered nodding before facing straight ahead again, she didn’t look ok, but I pushed the thought aside giving her another smile: “That’s good, you gonna elaborate”? Her head snapped back to me: “Is that a joke”? She fired back: “What”? “No”. I defended: “I see how you’re looking at me”. why was I always putting my foot in it?: “Sorry, I didn’t mean to-”. She gave me a heated glare before turning back around. Another round of silence settled as I scrambled for another topic, a way back into Ellie’s hard shell: “So er you got any kids”? I asked apprehensively, she shook her head: “Bet you do though”. She commented, sounding lighter than expected, I battled with myself, not wanting to stir up unwanted emotions for her, but desperate to show her her niece: “Er, yeah actually”. I answered, getting my phone out and scrolling and locating a picture of my daughter playing with her dollhouse . I showed Ellie the photo: “Cute”. She observed smiling: “What’s her name”? “Sophie” I beamed: “I er- I told her about you”.Ellie’s face hardened again, I cursed myself inwardly, ugh why did I mention that?. She moved away again as I put my phone away: “Wha’d you say”? “Just that you’re her auntie”. “She doesn’t even know me”. She chuckled bitterly: “you’re still family”. I replied.

“I’m infertile”. She said abruptly, her face still emotionless. Immediately my guilt intensified. I’m making such a hash of this i screened inwardly: “Oh…Ellie”-  I started, reaching for her hand, she flinched: “Get off”! She shouted, her expression unreadable: “I just wanna be here for you Ellie”. I told her, she stood in front of me: “Why”?! “You’ve got no idea who I am anymore, or what I’ve been through”. I stood too: “Then tell me”. I pleaded: “Something’s clearly happened”. She glanced down as if debating whether or not to disclose more information. I stepped closer to her, seizing my opportunity: “Look, I’m sorry we fought, that you got sidelined”. “She always favoured you”. She whispered, meeting my gaze again, tears were in her eyes. I stepped even closer, tentatively putting my hand to her face, gently wiping her eyes, she flinched again but stayed close, indicating this was ok, so I continued: “I should’ve defended you, but you know how mum was, I guess i was scared, but I never stopped loving you”. I admitted. She took a huge gulp, allowing more tears to flow: “I needed you”. She confessed: “I’ve been through hell, I’ve been so hurt, I needed my sister”! “Where were you”?! She sobbed, I wrapped my arms around her tight, praying they could fix her, fix us, I ran my fingers as softly as possible through her disheveled  hair, being careful not to hurt her: “I’m sorry Ells”. I soothed, my own tears falling now: “I’m here now,  if you’ll let me, please forgive me”. I begged as her cries persisted. She didn’t respond, she didn’t even put her arms around me, she just let herself be held . Maybe that was enough, but in that moment, I knew I’d never leave her again.