The Growing Distance

Tomas looked up from his plate of waffles with a bright beam spreading on his pale face. His thick eyebrows shot up in excitement, then he forced them down and leaned on the cushioned red booth as he picked up his cutlery. “Today’s our eight-month anniversary, isn’t it? I always lose count, but the twenty-second sounds about right.”

           Ally’s mouth hung open, her fork hovering in front of her face as she thought about her and Tomas’s anniversary, and how she forgot it was today. She finally took a bite of her scrambled eggs and nodded with pursed lips, looking away as a blush filled her cheeks. “Right. It is today. That’s nice.”

           Tomas carefully watched her as she moved her food around, and he winced every time a crumb of her eggs would accidentally touch the pile of fried potatoes. His eyes lifted up at Ally and he studied her for a bit, trying to understand her thoughts through her sunken brown eyes.

           “It is nice,” Tomas repeated, “isn’t it?”

           Ally shrugged. “That’s what I said.”

           Tomas cleared his throat and nodded quickly, then focused back to his plate of buttered waffles drowning in maple syrup. He grabbed the syrup glass bottle and drizzled more on his plate. “Did you think we’d end up together for so long?”

           “End up together?” Ally quickly lifted her head, and it hurt Tomas to see her frown already creasing her forehead. “What do you mean ‘end up together?’”

           “Be together,” he replied, “did you think we’d be together for so long?”

           “Oh.” Her shoulders dropped in relief. “Uh… guess not, but I’m not complaining.” She dropped her fork against her plate and took a bite of her plain toast, sighing as she chewed her food. “You?”

           “Me?” Tomas pretended to think about his reply even though he was sure of it before she even asked. “Yeah, I think I always knew.”

           “Always knew what?” Ally asked with a mouthful of toast.

           He looked up at her again but hesitated before replying. Tomas just shook his head slightly and focused back on cutting his waffles into long strips. “Nothing. That we’d be good together, that’s all.”

           Ally forced a smile. “Yeah, me too.”

           “You did?” Tomas asked, his tone a bit too hopeful.

           “I guess,” Ally mumbled. “You didn’t think I did?”

           “I never said that,” Tomas replied quickly. “I’m just glad that we’re on the same page, then. We are, aren’t we?”

           “Yes,” Ally said, but her tone was so casual that she doubted herself. “Well, it’s hard to be on the same page as someone else, but I think we’re pretty much thinking the same thing.”

           “I don’t think so.” Tomas chewed his food slowly as he wondered what she could mean.

“Two people can easily be on the same page.”

           “Then, I don’t know,” Ally said. She grabbed her cup of coffee even though only a sip remained and hid her face behind the mug as she pretended to drink. She knew that her cheeks were still rosy with guilt even after she placed her cup down. “I don’t know what I’m saying, then.”

           “I don’t know either,” Tomas said with a clenched jaw. “But, you can try. I’m always here to listen.”

           Every word coming out of Tomas’s mouth seemed to flicker something inside of Ally by the way her mouth puckered every time he spoke. She twitched in her seat a lot, trying to fight the urge of slapping Tomas’s mouth before he opened his lips again. Ally sighed, then carefully picked up her cutlery and sliced her potato wedges in half. “How much longer do you think we’ll… keep doing what we’re doing?”

           Tomas frowned. “By that, you mean… dating?”

           Ally nodded.

           “I don’t know if it’s a question of how much longer,” he continued. “Sounds a tad depressing that way doesn’t it? As if we’re counting down the days until it’s over.”

           “Well, when do you think that’ll be?” she asked again.

           “When we’ll be over? Why do you want to know?” he asked, getting nervous that she wanted to get there sooner than he did.

           “I don’t think I’m making myself clear,” Ally started, “I’m only asking how big of a commitment you’re willing to make. You know, to see if we’re on the same page.”

           “So, we aren’t on the same page?” Tomas asked.

           “I don’t think so.” Ally scoffed. “Given this conversation.”

           “Well, what is this conversation?” Tomas asked, but Ally remained silent with her reply lingering in her parted lips. She looked away in embarrassment, and Tomas tensed with his fingers curled around his fork and knife. “Do you still love me?”

           Ally looked back at him with scrunched eyebrows, surprised that he’d even think that. “Yes. Of course.”

           However, Tomas saw through Ally, staring at the truth hidden behind her reply. His shoulders dropped and he pursed his lips, letting the syrup soaking in his tongue to dissolve with his saliva. He gulped. “But not as much as I do?”

           Ally looked away at the busy intersection next to the diner. “I thought it was mutual. The growing distance.”

           “There’s a growing distance?” he asked. Ally blinked her wide eyes at him, wanting to finally be honest and confirm his suspicion, but she stayed frozen and everything around her went still, too. The waiters stood still in the middle of the rushed restaurant, and the booths around them suddenly fell silent. The blaring music coming out of the tall jukebox at the end of the room stuttered until the song abruptly stopped, and the tension between Ally and Tomas only grew stronger the longer they stared at each other. “How was I supposed to-.”

           “You know, what? This is…” Ally sighed and quickly covered her mouth with a cloth napkin, wiping away the crumbs of toast and fried potato grease. “This was stupid, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

           “No, no, I think this is overdue to talk about,” Tomas said.

           “I don’t see us getting anywhere,” Ally insisted. She grabbed her purse and fished out a twenty-dollar bill. She slammed the money on the table, but Tomas caught her hand before she could pull away. They locked eyes again, but Tomas’s were glassy and red while Ally’s remained crystal clear, sunken under her grim frown.

           Tomas cleared his throat and blinked a few times until the welled-up tears disappeared. “You really want this?”

           Ally pulled her hand free and shuffled to the edge of her booth, her lips curved down in a patronizing manner as she whispered, “No, but I’m not what you want.” Then, she stood up and walked out of the diner, leaving a stammering Tomas staring at his half-eaten breakfast with the task to move on from what he thought was to last forever.