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Fiction Suspense

“Don’t you remember?” “Surely you can, I mean it is pretty hard to forget.”

“Huh- What are you on about?” The character mutters, not really making any sense.

“W-will you just Wake up!

A cottage sits on the end of a forest; a luscious dark emerald forest. Its cobblestone walls are shrouded in moss and vines. The glass pane has a crack through the centre making rainbows dance when the sun hits. Inside the cottage, there are two people desperately trying to remember something; it's actually more that one (Alex) is trying to help Meredith (the other person) remember what seems to be an important event. 

Alex appears to be ten years old with chestnut brown hair and emerald green eyes. He has light patches of freckles dotted around his face. A coffee-coloured birthmark sits on the top of his left ear. He wears a short-sleeved bright orange shirt with a small tear on the right side and has a beetroot stain in about the middle. His denim jeans are ripped (not in a stylish way) and have grass stain patches around the cuffs. His shoes are brown. The toe has a hole in it and the soles are coming apart.

Meridith is eight and compared to her brother is in an immaculate condition. Golden locks of hair flow down her back and ripple across the sides of her face. Her deep blue eyes look as if you could dive in and swim in them. She bares a cream-coloured blouse and coal black leggings. Her shoes are fresh paper white and are completed with a perfectly tied knot, with the bow precisely equal on either side.

Meredith sits up properly. Her eyesight is foggy and she can't make out the picture in front of her. Faint images of what seems to be a fairytale pop into her head. It just doesn't make sense. She attempts to step off her bed but ends up falling onto her knees. Alex stands over her telling her to sit down. She just slumps and leans up against the bed, the duvet stroking her face as a tear rolls down her cheek. Pain throbs in her head, Alex just doesn't understand, for she was trying but it was to no avail; she just wants it all to end. 

Rustling could be heard in the leaves outside, trees started falling over or splitting straight down the middle. It was loud. It was absolutely terrifying because it felt like this had happened before, a million times before. At a terrifying speed, a small but destructive crack runs up the side of the house when it reaches the crack in the pane it explodes, and rainbows really do spread around the room. Meredith is blinded for a second, but only a second. A million rainbows surround them but, they are no longer in a cottage. 

As the colour starts to drain they can see nothing. Nothing other than each other. The rest is colourless. It's not quite white but you wouldn't call it grey either. Light is emitted from what they think is up; just bright enough to light up where they are. As they walk nothing seems to change. Their hushed voices appear to echo but there are no walls for them to echo off, no ceiling to restrict the height, nothing. 

“What if there’s something evil here, like a dem-” Meridith starts to whisper.

DON'T SPEAK!” Alex shouts, his voice seamlessly running around the space.

Why? There really might be something bad here.”

That second a black figure appeared in front of them. Fire spluttered out of its mouth and its eyes glowed a hot ruby red. 

“Look at what you’ve done!” Alex cried

Meridith just stood there. She couldn't move. The monster's hot breath was on her face.

“GO AWAY! You're not real!” Meredith's voice shook with fear. A smoky black mist enveloped the creature, when it dissipated the creature was gone, and luckily enough so was the heat. Just like it had never existed before. This place, this place was like a void of imagination. Whatever they said would happen, would happen, at least that's what they hoped. 

Meredith imagined their cottage, their small but beloved home. She thought of all its characteristics until she got a perfectly clear image in her head. 

“What if we were back in our cottage?” She asked the question to the air. Nothing happened.

“OUR COTTAGE! I want to be back in our cottage.” Meredith fell to the floor, tears swam in her eyes, trying to break free. Alex walked up next to her. He knew this would happen, just like last time, and the time before that. In fact, he didn't know how many times it had happened just that they were stuck. He knew what came next. He’d known this whole time. There was going to be a tree, a tall tree. 

“Meridith, close your eyes” Alex whispered 

She did as she was told, her eyes stung anyway. When she opened them again she saw a tree, a very, very tall tree. Brown and orange leaves fluttered to the ground. Alex knew he had to try to get to the top so he began to climb. Meredith saw her older brother so she followed his steps. Alex practically flew up the tree. He was going as fast as he possibly could. Faster than he’d ever gone before. He reached the spot. The part he never made it past. He had to jump and grab the branch. The bark always fell away and he would fall. Meredith would be in the right spot and she would catch him. This time though, this time he was going to make it. 

He jumped, the bark was hard under his hands. It hurt to keep holding on but he had to. He must. He heard the bark crack, disappointment crossed his face, and he knew that this was it. But this time, he wanted something to be different.

“Don’t catch me!” He yelled down to Meridith.

There was no answer, so he just hoped that she had heard. As the bark tore away he regretted his decision but by then it was too late. Air whipped past his head as he fell, his stomach lurched, and he saw his sister. She was smiling. Like she wanted this to happen; like she had planned this. He looked down, there was a hole and he was going to fall right into it. And when he squinted the hole actually seemed to be an image, a moving one. 

It was home. He could see the fields. The dark grey slabs on the ground. The mourning people, the fresh mounds of dirt, the hundreds of flowers placed around. He was finally free from the nightmare he had been trapped in. He could finally rest in peace, and so could his sister. He now understood why she was smiling, and although it was slightly creepy it didn't matter. Ground was seconds away, seconds that couldn’t possibly feel any longer.

He hit the ground, pain shot through his body like knives, he expected to evaporate, go back to being six feet under, but no; he was alive. Maybe he was going to get to live out his life. He ran over the hill. The grass was getting ripped out with every step. He saw the forest, his forest. The cottage was there sitting, just like it always had been. He burst open the door and bound into his sister's bedroom. There she was, sleeping. She began to sit up, her eyes popped open and the door slammed shut behind him.

“Hello, brother.” Meridith had a creepy doll's voice and he could hear cracking, cracking of the trees outside. He saw rainbows start to dance around him. He saw his sister, smirking. He was stuck here. He was stuck here and it was all his sister's fault. 

July 29, 2022 09:05

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1 comment

Brian Bywater
07:46 Aug 04, 2022

Definitely not my genre so I look at it from a technical perspective. Far too much description and explanation of the scene in the early paragraphs . There is little left for the reader to imagine, which is a shame in any story regardless of the genre. Mixed tenses are a problem, something I had trouble with in my missives for many years, editing help assisted me.

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