Different Moments of Our Lives

Submitted into Contest #50 in response to: Write a story about a proposal. ... view prompt

26 comments

Romance

1. Hannah Abbotson


I was walking in my favorite park. It was close to sundown, and the beautiful sun was slowly drifting down towards the horizon. I was walking my dog, named Todo. He was a small, cute dog⎯easy to take care of. But, he pooped a lot. We had to walk him every day.


I was leisurely walking, when there was a couple in front of me. They were the kissy kind, every second smooching. It was⎯interesting. Cool. I quickly looked away.


I am 12. My parents think it’s good for kids to be independent, so they give me certain privileges that other kids might not have. I can go anywhere I want, as long as I have my phone with me to contact my mom or dad. Since my parents work a lot, I cook meals for myself and them. 


They always say, “This is a most delicious meal, Hannah.”


I am an only child. Most people think only childs are spoiled, but definitely not me. I have to buy my things that I want, and I don’t beg or plead. I have fine manners, as my mom trained me in that. 


I got a dog only because I promised to take care of him. I would walk him every day, and feed him. I would take full responsibility. I love my dog, but I wish we got one that didn’t poop as much. Well, he eats a lot.


I feed him a lot.


The couple that I was watching just sat down on a park bench. They are together, and just looking into each other's eyes. They looked happy, and they were young. I don’t think they were married yet. 


They stood up and bought a snow cone from a nearby vendor. They shared one, and their lips came close together. Ooh. I don’t think anything would distract them from each other. The guy actually looked kinda nervous. I mean, he was sweaty and trembling. Gross. He said something to the girl, and they walked towards a tree. The guy looked at the girl, and got down on one knee.


The girl gasped. He said something to her, and her face lit up like a lantern. She yelled out, “Yes!”. The guy looked so happy, he jumped up and hugged the girl. They kissed. They seemed like the happiest people in the world. 


2. Dylan Herring


It was afternoon. I was biking at the beach, because I had nothing else to do. My parents were working, and my sister was in one of her moods. I needed to escape the house. 


I live in Florida, so I can walk to the beach in 5 minutes. It was nice at the beach, so I thought I might boogie-board. There were nice waves. 


I locked my bike on the bike locker thing, and then I got my boogie-board.


In case you're wondering, no I cannot bike while holding a boogie-board. My dad’s friend owns a boogie-board and surfboard store, so I am allowed to use one anytime. It is nice. I have my swimsuit on, so I am all set. 


I’ve known how to swim since I was 5. My mom was always so scared, so I had to be on the swim team and stuff like that. I consider myself a strong swimmer, but I can’t rescue anybody or stuff like that. 


I caught a few waves, and it was awesome. I wiped out a few times, but that’s normal. After I got tired, I took a break to watch the waves and the setting sun. That’s when I noticed a couple sitting awfully close. It was really weird. The girl was laying her head on the boy, and they were both smiling.


The boy looked nervous, though. He was still smiling, but in a nervous way. He stood up and got a tiny box from his pocket. Then, I realized what was happening. I quickly looked away, as I did not want to seem nosy. But when I looked back, the girl was smiling and crying at the same time. They hugged each other and kissed. I admit I was smiling too.


3. Olivia Kaiden


I was in my room, listening to Hamilton, as usual, when I got a call from my boyfriend. His name is Daniel, and he just graduated college. I myself am 24. I want to become a nurse, so I am going to nursing school. Daniel, he got his engineering degree. He is so smart.


Daniel called me to ask if I was busy that night. He wanted to take me to dinner and a walk. I consented, saying we could eat at an old Italian restaurant close to my house. He said yes, and we could take a walk at a nearby park. 


I wondered why he called, because while he was talking to me, he sounded funny. He sounded⎯nervous. I was thinking, why?


I wore a dress that was comfy and yet looked pretty. I loved it. It was turquoise.


When I got to the restaurant, Daniel was already there, in a suit. I frowned to myself. Daniel never wears a suit. He looked nervous, almost like he was performing in front of millions of people. But he smiled at me. He looked really cute. 


We went into the restaurant. It wasn’t that busy, so we got a small, cosy booth almost immediately. We looked at the menu and ordered food. I got Linguine and clam sauce, while Daniel got plain old spaghetti and meatballs.


We ate and talked together. It was actually really nice in that restaurant. It had old Italian music playing, and Daniel did a funny impression of an Italian accent. He also had a younger brother who was just finishing up middle school, who was also very annoying.


We had been dating for almost a year now, and I was still learning new things. 


After dinner, we went to a park. The playground was busy, with tons of little kids. They were cute. 


We sat on a park bench together, looking into each other’s eyes. We didn’t talk that much, just sat together. Finally, Daniel talked.


“Umm...thanks for walking with me and coming to dinner.” He said, nervously.


“No problem! It was fun.”


“I was wondering, would you like to go under a tree before we go?” He was saying, grinning.


“Sure!”


We walked to a tree. Daniel kept on fingering something in his pocket. Finally, he got down on one knee.


“Olivia, I love you very much. Will you marry me?” He says, holding a tiny box with a ring on it.


I was paralyzed. I had no idea he was going to do this until now.


“I...um...yes!”


He smiled, and we both hugged. 


And kissed.


And in that moment, I felt like the luckiest woman alive.


July 16, 2020 22:34

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

26 comments

Niveeidha Palani
03:12 Jul 17, 2020

Hi Avery, I hope you don't mind some feedback, you conveyed this proposal story in a beautiful way...however, you must check some of your grammar. There are quite a few grammatical mistakes. Instead of using everyday punctuation like "said", try using more unique words. Use more descriptions and try not to phrase repetitive sentences. For instance, "I felt like the luckiest woman alive." Try not to repeat the sentence. Also, check your vocabulary. There are a few spelling errors. "Italian" should start with a capital letter. Use a var...

Reply

Avery G.
04:19 Jul 17, 2020

Hello! Thank you for commenting! I don't mind feedback, it always helps! I am still learning, as I wanted to join reedsy to write more stories. I always have room for improvement! I will try to correct those errors. Thank you so much!

Reply

Niveeidha Palani
06:14 Jul 17, 2020

No problem, glad to help!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
C.J 🤍
04:07 Sep 30, 2020

Awesome story!!! Loved it!

Reply

Show 0 replies
01:51 Aug 28, 2020

Wow. This was a very cute story Avery. Though I can't help but wonder about the other couple, the one at the beach, are they in some way connected to this one. Or is he proposing to TWO girls? Sorry, I couldn't help but anticipate some sinister plot😂 This was great anyway! I love your style of writing. Brilliant!

Reply

Avery G.
03:01 Aug 28, 2020

Thank you so much! Uhh...no. I don't think they were connected.

Reply

23:24 Aug 28, 2020

Okay😂 I thought so too. You're welcome!

Reply

Avery G.
02:02 Aug 29, 2020

Haha! :)

Reply

02:25 Aug 29, 2020

:D

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
The Daltons
01:25 Aug 16, 2020

I like the love in it (I'm a hopeless romantic, I guess!) And I do think that you should change the wording, like "said," etc, etc! But, overall, absolutely loved it and would read it several times a day!

Reply

Avery G.
01:45 Aug 16, 2020

Thanks! Yeah, I'm working on it.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply

👏👏👏 Nice! I really liked this! 👏👏👏 —Aerin (would you mind checking out my newest [and only] stories?)

Reply

Avery G.
15:26 Jul 22, 2020

Thank you so much! Of course!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Khizra Aslam
06:34 Jul 17, 2020

Hey there, I saw that you followed me so I decided to have a look on your story. I love your story portrayed in such a beautiful way. I love the idea how you narrate the story from every character's perspective. Great job. Keep writing ❤

Reply

Avery G.
15:22 Jul 17, 2020

Thank you so much! I love your stories!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Batool Hussain
03:54 Jul 17, 2020

Hey there! This story is sweet(a bit like mine?). I loved the way you described it from all the three perspectives. But, there are certain errors. I know that you're trying to describe different proposals: it was okay when the first two narrators witnessed a proposal each and I read on thinking the third one will experience the same but then suddenly, it's her own proposal. Maybe built up something as to why was only Olivia proposed and not Dylan and Hannah. At this point, I have an idea for you. Change the story. Make the first two narrator...

Reply

Avery G.
04:14 Jul 17, 2020

Thank you so much for commenting! I know, I just recently started writing and still have much room for improvement. Thank you so much for your feedback! I also love your stories! Great idea about changing the story. I will think about it, and maybe edit it. Thank you!

Reply

Batool Hussain
04:30 Jul 17, 2020

You're welcome! P.s: Do remember that contest ends tonight after which you can't edit;)

Reply

Avery G.
15:21 Jul 17, 2020

Thank you again! I might just edit it on another Google Doc!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Lily Kingston
23:23 Sep 15, 2020

I love all the different perspectives about the proposal and how they vary from a 12-year-old girl watching to casual boogie-boarder to the girl being proposed to. Keep up the good work and keep writing!!

Reply

Avery G.
23:39 Sep 15, 2020

Wow, thank you so much!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
The Cold Ice
06:52 Aug 25, 2020

I like dog very much. I also like to swim.super story.Great job👍 keep it up.Well written. Would you mind to read my story “The dragon warrior?”

Reply

Show 0 replies
Sunny 🌼 🖤
14:34 Jul 30, 2020

I'm gonna leave the critisicm to the experts, but um...I do think that the story was very well-written. I liked how you described the proposal from 3 perspectives. Very nice, very nice.

Reply

Avery G.
15:31 Jul 30, 2020

Thank you so much! I know I had a lot to work on in this story.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Jade Young
20:56 Jul 26, 2020

Great use of the alternating perspectives! I especially love how we get the tale through the spectators before the actual couple🙌🏽 it gave an interesting and unique twist to what you'd expect most people to write about for this prompt. Well done ;)

Reply

Avery G.
22:11 Jul 26, 2020

Thank you so much!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply