The Dim of A Starlight

The dim of A Starlight;

Black dusty breeze touches the greenish stains imprints my body, making the sound of insects swarming up over and under my skin, a pain throb inside my brain, once, twice, and thrice. A throbbing sound I can’t turn my senses away. I move my right hand to grab a strangle of my hair.

The sudden quietness alerts my eye to open wide shot.

“Where am I?”

accompanied by the current of goosebumps that flew through my body. I try to uplift my body using my right arm. It takes me a second to comprehend the answer.

The Great Beyond.

Or as we call it. The realm where all atoms and beings clash together. Making no form enters comes out the same. No one ever came back alive from it.

I lift my hands to my vision level to notice the shaking.

I need to start moving. I need to find a way out. There must be.

“There must be.”

I whisper and clench my fists, I let my face wrinkles soften when I let out one last exhale with a sound. My shoulders drop and flashes of memories come, a young girl who is sitting in a woman's lap whom she was braiding her curly dark hair.

“A queen never lets her emotions control her. “

I breathe and let the events rewind inside my head, the few seconds before all of this.

The library, the coronation ceremony, the queendom regulations, and then the explo-

My lips didn’t want to let out the last word, my fingers shiver once again, I shut down my eyes.

Everyone and everything in my town disappeared after the blinding lighting. The hungry explosion that ate everyone.

Or maybe just me.

I crumble to the ground; the previous calm breathings now turn to a fast and loud one. I hold my knees towards me as a drop falls out of my eyes, I remember now. I remember why I’m here. This is the end, my end.

My atoms slightly disappear into the black void, to become nothing.

“..ake up .. wake up!”

I let a strong inhale when I stretch my back straight.

Huh? a chair?

Reality finally grounds me, with confused eyes I look around and notice the piles of books in the table in front.

“I can’t believe on this day, this lovely 17-year girl would become the queen.”

The person who took care of me the moment I stepped into the castle right after my awakening day. She lets out a chuckle sound and wipes my sweat with her handkerchief.

“Yet you still fall asleep anywhere Like a child.”

“Mary, this nightmare is different! It feels real.”

I say the last words slowly as if I try to make sense out of it too, I look at the floor for a while before I notice Mary returning the books back to their own places, it’s not until she’s finished, she finally faces me and say:

“You must be stressed dear. Afterall, today is the day. Perhaps a cup of chamomile tea would make you feel better?”

I let out a sigh and stepped out of the library after assuring her I would be fine if I took a walk in the garden. My feelings and thoughts were in an internal battle with a tied match. I mumble after I stop in the middle of the way; “I should do something.”

“If you’re planning to run away, know that I’m still on my offer.”

A voice tented with a mockery tone no one dared to use in front of the future queen except one. Big shadow starts to loom in the ground in the corner of my eyes, his tall figure makes me turn and look up straight to his eyes. To seek comfort, I instinctively got closer.

“Luther!”

I breathe and call his name. All these childhood memories and spending a decade together start to pay off. Finally, something useful comes out of him because It only takes one word to get him to understand.

“I had a nightmare!”

“Bummer.”

After a moment of silence with both of us facing each other.

“That's it? Nothing comes after that? no questions?”

“I thought you were feeling anxious due to the ceremony, but it’s just a regular nightmares.”

He says in a monotone way that gives me the time to think internally, peacefully and in a completely mature way, how to get rid of his body later. He then leans over and locks his eyes with mine, for a second it makes me wonder if he can read my mind.

“Want me to hug you to sleep … Ouch!”

Nope, apparently not.

I went for his knees. Again.

Luther probably sees it coming every time. Afterall, he is the youngest and strongest war and tactics general the queendom had witnessed, and yet he acts as if my kick is painful everywhere which is amusing for me.

I leave him with his annoying smirk alone in the road heading back to my room wondering if a human could be born with a smirk since birth, I relax my body in the bed fully, and then I try to grasp what happens in the nightmare, something within me keeps getting me back to it. When I adjusted my body in the bed, I hit a book that lay beside me. A book I didn’t notice, neither do I remember seeing.

I take this opportunity to walk back to the library again. I love walking. classic me when I stress out, moving helps me to calm down.

“Any further instructions?”

“Just be alert and ready.”

I stop my feet before I turn the last corner. I wanted to continue moving but an abrupt feeling in my stomach tells me to stop, always listen to the temple that holds one’s soul. The body never lies.

“What are we going to do with the bomb inside-”

“Quiet!”

I cover my mouth with my palm after I swallow my saliva in a gulp sound, my body tense when I stare at the huge shadow in the floor getting bigger.

“My princess.”

Luther says calmly while I turn my body slowly leaning away from the wall to face him, and for the first time I feel like running away from him. A shade of unexplained feeling in his eyes disappears when he blinks.

“Hi there!”

Run.

“I was heading back to the library to return a book.” I say while I swing the book slightly raising my arm mid-air.

Run!

“See you later!”

I dash to my room and lock the door; memories of my nightmare start to appear again along with an old memory from the past.

“A queen never lets her emotions control her. “

I observe my face closely in the mirror to not let any emotion come out, I fix my hair flyways, while a certain name claws back to my train of thoughts. I shouldn’t rush in judgment about the general. I need to observe him closer while making the call regarding the new security adjustments for the next couple days. A knock makes me tense until I know they’re the maids who came to prepare me for the ceremony.

It was the most important day of the year, to present a new queen to the next three generations. Every citizen from the queendom comes to witness this day in the largest hall of the queendom. They expect a queen who doesn’t let her head down, a queen who does not let her emotions control her but walks confidently in her way to the crown attire. I swift a quick look towards the official secretary who I appointed a few seconds ago to stand next to the general, the one I advised to keep an eye on him.

“Now for the awaiting moment.”

The pope said loudly enough not leaving the hint of authority in his voice to disappear as the ceremony finally began.

My palms sweat, and my stomach starts to hurt. I manage to breathe deeply while the pope finishes what he says.

The body never lies.

I stole glances at the secretary and then the general who is still in his position besides some of the guards scattered here and there not only by his command, but some with mine as well. The general caught my eye and motioned with his mouth some syllables.

Ry-La-x-ma-O-wee-n.

what’s a Oween?

Well, I’m bad at this.

My knitted brows make the general let out a faint smile that indicates he understood my confusion, which makes my blood bols even more and I swear at him, with my eyes only of course.

I still manage to put the famous etiquette smile mask on, what better method to relax one’s body than internal swearing. Whoever came up with the breathing method should try it as well.

I shift my eyes to the queen in front of me, or now the soon to be previous queen, the one who doesn’t resemble me anyhow or relates to me either. The previous queen role gives guidance and instructs every new queen at the beginning to pass down as much knowledge and experience, as they swore with their hearts that could result in them killed if not done probably. They spend the first half of their life as rulers and then process to teach the new one for the second.

What a jail.

Maybe it’s the brilliant inner talk I said now but my body tensed again. I should switch topics, Okay! Turns out I was just paranoid about the bomb, the bomb? Oh great!

“And now for the last”

The pope said across the hall, ending his long ever speech yet the regular one as it’s sets in the queendom regulation, he proceeds:

“Whoever doesn't approve of the new queen may step now.”

What? Is that a written step I missed? The whisper of the hall starts to get louder, and the whisper noises start to make commotion. I eyed the general order the guards to quiet the commoners, amid it he gave me a slow nod assuring me to continue with ease.

That’s right! Don’t belittle yourself Estella, don’t assume you’re the one who misses something every time.

“Excuse me, official pope, would you explain yourself.”

I said with a cold tone not too low to be missed but not too loud for all the people to hear.

“Your highness.”

“it’s your majesty.”

Said the previous queen with a tone like she is stating a simple fact.

“This behavior is not acceptable; you will be punished.”

I started to breath heavily, everything is not going as what is expected to be, my body is sweating again and among that I hear the pope saying calmly:

“According to the queendom regulations, in every three decades a woman would be born to rule. The strongest source of such great power is from one’s emotions.”

“Naturally.”

Says the prev- the queen while glancing at him.

“But if there was a soon to be queen who wasn’t able to adjust to her power, to control her emotions, there is a right to question her authority.”

The queen was going to say something before it got interrupted by the pope who said the next lines rushed without looking straight to her eyes but instead at the floor with his fist clenched.

“The women in question who fail such a thing would not bring peace, but instead a destruction to the whole queendom as stated in the prophecy.”

The gasps and whispers of the commoners get louder than ever, I gulp while I glance here and there seeing and feeling their judging eyes. the pope finally snaps and says:

“She’s basically a walking ticking bomb!”

“Enough!”

With one word, the commotion of the residents stopped and the pope looked straight to Luther’s eyes with his lips pursed.

He get closer and whisper showing his best composer to contain the rigid and calm anger behind it. Only he, the pope, the queen, and I could listen to what he is saying.

“Any saying in the new queen was discussed in the meeting before the ceremony a month ago, you had the chance back then.”

“I already spoke!” the pope hissed.

“And it was dismissed!”

the two exchange quick off-the beat remarks and stare at each other, Luther breaks the silence a second later.

“Now continue your last moments as the official pope.”

After stepping back, Luther goes back to his position. And as if nothing happened, everyone in the hall is now quiet again.

But not the loud discomfort floating in the air and not the beats of my heart. The queen grabs my hand with gentle pressing to make me look at her, a pair of calm and confident eyes different to mine. The queen says something I do not get because of the nightmare memories that show up again.

The lighting source in my nightmare came from me.

I was the bomb.

I was the one who destroyed everything. I’m the one who brought the queendom to ruin. The queen who destroyed her queendom. This should stop. I need a timeout.

What brought me back to reality is the queen’s last words to me, the previous queen now.

“I announce you as the new queen of the Starlight queendom.”

No! Wait a moment! This can’t be!

I can’t control my breath; my eye sees black dots scattered, my body shakes with this unexplained limelight that comes from my skin now. My red teary eyes plead with unspoken help for the previous queen in front of me, but she steps back with her eyes open.

“Your majesty, please calm down.”

She says amid the screams I could hear from the halls, and the running pope who is grabbing the general, a strong air consumes everything towards me, like I’m in the center of an unseen hurricane. Luther stares at me while his head shakes slowly, with his eyes wide-opened, he pushes the guards who gathered to grab him as if they think there is no coming back or a left chance to save me, Luther still manages to strides towards me at last. In this moment, I thank heaven for the blinding light that comes second later as a barrier between me and everyone else. I didn’t want to see his expression nor the words he said at last.

I decide something for the flick moment, maybe the nightmare is the seed of this ridiculous idea, maybe it’s a saving rope from our ancestors. I decide that I will remove myself to the great beyond where this power won’t hurt anyone, but me.

My time as a queen apparently comes to an end.

I think at last with a chuckle and close my eyes with a tear running down my cheek before vanishing to ashes.