Conversation with Myself

I detest looking at myself in the mirror.  Oh, the horror having to see every prick point of my body -- from the top of my brown hair to the tip of my neatly manicured bit toe painted in cherry red.

It was my own fault that I was actually standing in front of the mirror to begin with.  Yesterday was a very good day to go to the estate sale on the cliffs.  You never know what treasures you could find in the cliffs -- the most exclusive area in the county.

I found the mirror in a dark corner of the attic.  I thought to myself that the owner must not have liked mirrors either; why would they have placed such a magnificent antique mirror in the darkest corner of the house.

Excuse me, I said to the young man with a label around his neck (indicating that his name was Mark from Cliff Estates Realty), “can you tell me anything about the mirror over there,” as I pointed toward the corner of the attic.

“I am sorry, he said.  I just sell the items left by the owner.  I have no idea about what I am selling.  Do you want the mirror or not?”

I stood there mulling it over for a few minutes and finally answered him with a positive nod towards the mirror.  I just need help getting the mirror in my car.  So Mark accepted my purchase of five twenty dollar bills and summoned a burly set man to place it on the roof of my car.

When I arrived home, my husband David looked at my purchase of the mirror with amusement.  

“I can’t believe you bought a mirror of all things...I know how much you hate looking at yourself in the mirror.  Where do you want to put this monstrous mirror.d

“In the attic of course.  That is where I found it and that is where it needs to be placed.”

David dragged it up to the third floor attic, opened the door and placed it in the darkest corner of the room.  I felt quite satisfied and smiled to myself as we left the room.

I was in a very sound sleep when the clock in our room struck midnight.  I woke up in a start, not remembering where I was.  I slipped out of the bed and walked up to the third floor attic.  I stepped in front of the mirror and heard a voice.

“Miranda...thank you for bringing me home.  You knew where to place me and I thank you for that.  Now it is my duty to point out your personal flaws, as well as your internal beauty.  Please sit down before me and let me begin.”

I sat down on a fabric bench that I had hidden away only a few years before.  I hated that bench also, because it reminded me my great aunt who would sit on this bench by my bed at night and was always putting me down; criticizing my every flaw...stringy hair, droopy eyes (my right eye, just a little bit larger than my left), and my pension for only wanting to wear my black and white saddle shoes with colored socks.  

“Let us begin now with your hair”.  “I must admit that I love the color you’ve chosen, the chestnut brown color of your original coloring brings out the deep brown chocolate of your eyes, and no, your eyes are definitely symmetrical.  I see a few wisps of gray well hidden in the back of your neck and on the inside hidden behind your ears.  But there is no need to worry.  This gray will not spread for many years to come.

Your nose is slightly angular, with the left side of your nostril flaring out when you are moved to anger or frustration.  This is quite natural for your genetic line, and if I had to find a relative with a similar nose would name your paternal grandmother.  The nose is neither to large or too small.

Your cheeks are full, but not at all pudgy.  Your aunt used to love to pinch your cheeks when you were small and left bright pink marks behind from her long fingers.  Your cheeks fully support the little blush that you apply daily to them, but I would choose a little more pink color to hide the pale whiteness of your skin.

Now look at your teeth.  They are pearly white and straight.  Those two years that you suffered with braces, and made you shutter every time your tongue met with the little poking stabs of the braces were well worth the indignation of having a mouth full of metal.  Oh yes, I remember how the other kids in your class used to tease you until they suffered the same indignities.

Your lips are a combination of thick and thin in appearance.  The differences are seen by the color of lipstick that you choose to apply on any given day.  When you use the lipstick named “berry red”, your lips take on their full widening appearance leaving large blotches of color on those receiving your kiss.  Yet the light pink colors that you choose for work every day bring out your kindness and unaggressive personality.   

Your chin is long and angular and hides the double chin that is laying in wait if you gain those extra pounds after a holiday of cheer.  But the angular appearance of your chin also displays your strength of character.  You tend to accept everyone at face value, but annoyance with someone’s response to you can stiffen the appearance of your chin and demonstrate a no nonsense attitude.

Your neck is darker in appearance than the coloring of your face.  Your tendency to lift your head towards the sun to catch it’s rays have created a tan line that has never disappeared over the years.    The diamond necklace that you wear around your neck every day brings out you tan lines even more.  There is a small brown mole at the bottom of your neck which has been there since you were born and sits there unobserved by anyone but yourself.  You usually try to hide that mark with makeup, but the mark is benign and never changes in appearance.

Your shoulders are broad and firm from always standing upright through years of always being counted on for your stamina.  They are shoulders that could nurture a small child or demonstrate outward strength and it is what attracted your husband to you when you first met in college.  If you asked him he would verify this fact with a nod and smile at the memory and the first day in Biology 101.

Your breasts are perfect or the rest of your body.  They are not too large, nor do they tend to droop in the crevices of your bra.  You can wear any dress or shirt that you place on your body, and even allow for no bra at all.  But your own modesty will not allow you to take such a step.  Your breasts will have ample enough milk to feed three children and that crucial possibility is more important than size will ever be.

As you move toward your middle section of the body, you will notice a favored bottle neck shape, with no extra fat anywhere in sight.  Your belly button is located in the direct center of where it should be and tucked in quite neatly, as though it was perfect for wearing a bikini or one piece suit.  Someone once recommended that you get your belly pierced but you laughed it off saying that you would never be caught dead even getting one.

The hips, below the bottle neck waistline is probably the most visible on your body.  They are wide and cause you the most grief when it comes to choosing the type of pants or skirts that fit properly.  You have tried every type of exercise, gone to the fitness club around the corner from your house and even hired a personal trainer to rid those meaty hips.  But still you persevere and work on it day after day.  

Now is the time to look at your long legs from hip to toe and know that your height of of 5’ 9” is inherited from your tall parents.  Your height, if you wished could be used to model clothing, or help someone reach for an item on a top shelf in a local supermarket.  Your height also allows you to forgoing any kind of tailoring because the designer had your height in mind when placed on the cutting board.

Finally, we come to your feet which are common in size with the rest of the world; a seven...the most popular shoe size sold in every store of the world.  You tend to favor flats over heels, sneakers over sandals, and soft fuzzy slippers for comfort.  Comfort is very important to you and you hated wearing high heels to your own wedding because they had to be shed to keep with the all night dancing.  

I walked away from the mirror that night with a different mind sense.  I knew that what anyone thought of me would never come close to what I saw through my own eyes.  I glanced at the mirror one more time before I left the room, turned off the light and never returned to that corner of the attic again.’

One day, after I am gone forever, someone will open this attic door, spy the mirror in the corner of the attic and take it home with them.  I hope the mirror will be to them what it meant to me.