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Drama Fiction High School

This story contains sensitive content

The author has placed a warning on this post for language. This also mentions suicide.

So this is where shit lead to? Moving on with life welding pain onto my wall of memories I had of you. Months of talking yet years of being friends. Visions of the perfect duo. Only now I know your senseless.

Drifting sorry Pat Briscoe I have to with the loss of affection. I did my part. Where's my redemption? What else do you want me to do? I was fucking there. I gave you your fucking time. Shit you wanted yet oh turns out you slip onto some mother fucker leaving me alone with no room to shine. 

Drowning me in betrayal, Stabbing my back like Blac did to Kim. Although I wasn't related to this bitch the pain is the same, turning this situation all so grim. You smacked me with deception yet I was blind. Due to the love in your eyes. 

Getting pissed cuz my heads obsessed your all up in my fuckin mind. We spoke in person, chatting, laughing. I felt the connection. Turns out that's a bigger lie than fruit loops tasting different. With being happy I didn't pay attention to fake emotions I guess I couldn't see. What a great skill you have making fools believe. 

We texted everyday progressing into something great. Then you blocked my ass from ever talking to you again even though I was willing to wait. I fucking loved you, I would even be happy as friends, but no all gone floating down a river. Shit that came into an end.

Why is it funny? Cuz I still don't know. Someone told you some shit that made you let go, and all of a sudden you got someone. Wow! This mother fucker talked shit and is with you while I'm having a nervous breakdown.

Go ahead bitch watch him break your heart I hope he does. So I can be there like "Bem feito" then you'll get the message. There you will feel my fucking pain get the fuckin mentality that I had. So you're like “Damn I should have listened and stook around instead of disposing him like a garbage bag.” 

That you shouldn't have trusted love to begin with. Living that couple life like Mr. And Mrs. Smith. A true friend wouldn't sabotage one from speaking to another. I was always there for you. I cared. A bond that's not supposed to separate from each other. Man fuck you, fuck watcha did. Turning my love into a fable. A rated R movie with no Disney ending. Cutting my excitement like an unpaid cable. I still suffer. I won't lie, barely talking to anyone. Confused and delusional unsure if the healing begun. Fucking up at work being too weak to lift faith and hope like a beginner doing the clean and jerk. From the outside I'm fine while from within an empty shell while the spirit lurks.

Watch he's gonna leave your ass, cheat on you, maybe then you'll see. I already told you it would happen. You just don't wanna believe. Fine, let time bite your ass then you'll crawl back to me like “I lost two friends in need of one now.” While I'm there like “Make that three.“ 

You'll come back cuz I'm that nice guy, comforting, things will get better. I'm here for you. Man fuck you. I gave you my compassion and you tossed that shit on the floor and squashed me. Rubbing it against the ground as if there's gum on your boots. 

Thanks bitch you did make me happy but you fuckin destroyed who I was. Melting my feelings, adding dirt, turning that shit into mud. Whatever this bitch said it's most likely a lie. Regardless we could have fixed the problem like any human being would, but no fuck this guy. 

My dumbass as nice as I was didn't care about sex. I was hooked with your personality thinking the key is to respect. I thought it would go well but damn silence and BOOM! That's it. I tried building up as friends trying not to be rushing shit. 

You fuckin promised that you won't leave me that “We'll talk don't worry I know I'm all that you got.” Well then where did that lead us? I'm practically dead waiting to rot. I still love your ass, that's my problem. I can't stop thinking of what we could have been. It would have been awesome.

 I can't sleep. I can't speak. I can't listening to music yet sex don't help anxiety. My mind's my enemy at this point shit’s depressing. I'm losing fat from all the stress fucking thing got me sweating. 

Well then bitch lets see how life will go about. Split second options your choice got us both shot down. I told you shit no one else knew. Maybe that was the problem. I fucking trusted you. You being my only friend thinking if I open up you would understand why I have so much to lose. You can't believe what this shit makes me wanna do. 

Fuck this you wanna be like this fine! You just can't get yo shit together. You have no idea what ya did. Of course You can't see it now but give it a year or two you'll think back like "why did I do that shit?" but oh well there's no going back now, you fucked up. Abandoning me over friends that won't last. You overused me like a corner gas pump. 

You end shit through silence. Watch your gonna kill someone shit hurts. If I get through the memories will remain as if I survived Dunkirk. Fuck you fuck what you made me. Pushing me out of your life as if I'm some dweeb. 

Fuck how pretty you are. Fuck how perfect you seem. Changing my view of how I see you crafting dreadful dreams. Waking up like “Why bitch? Why the fuck would you do that shit, I was happy! Man I would get physical but that would make me look like the enemy. But I'm not, I'm the fucking victim in fact. I was humble treating you like an ancient artifact. 

We're living in a cold world filled with misery. I tried to help ya. That's when I was hung by luck but you forced a disappearance like you didn't give a fuck. I hear you laughing giggling in class haunting me getting run over by a jealous bus. You choose this life you're probably doing it on purpose. 

I bet you thought being quiet was a nice way to go around not hurting me. Well you're wrong. You can say a lot from being silent, a feeling that's dangerously strong. Doing what you did can make someone turn a gun on themselves. Depends how they're going by life and how long they've known ya. It could end bad something you can't leave hiding on a shelf. 

If you're hurt later on lesson learned cuz I Promised I would never upset you. Vise versa was a lie for some reason my life was a show you never wanted to attend to. Well life goes on. It's such a tragic flaw when this occurred. But I can't let this go or let it free like a bird. 

You'll open your eyes and get past that hidden greed. I saw potential in you but you just bite the hand that feeds. Oblivious to who's really out there for ya organic thoughts. Pushing those who don't care to plow that shit. Temporary presence like a cheap piece of cloth. 

Fuck you for emotionally kicking my ass. Leaving me here alone with no ambulance bleeding out in the tall grass. How can you be such an asshole? That's what I don't understand. You knew I would be left With nothing but a job that twists and cuts practically breaking my body and losing a hand. 

Fucking females always playing with our emotions. Making it seem like we're at fault mind fucking us not finding the difference between fantasy and devotion. Burning in flames I tried to add water to let it cease. Little do I know I'm putting coal then turning myself into ash from the fire that increased. 

You fucking acted like it was all fine. Letting me die slow. To then cut tides letting me suffer no help was borrowed. You never cared. You never felt shit! Explain why you held on then so you can do this? 

Angels lie to keep control. So break yourself against my stones. I'm done with you. Fuck you if your feeling change. Should have done that before you trusted your sinister brain. Don't fuckin tell me you cared cuz you don't. Don't fucking tell me you'll stand by cuz you won't. 

On the road with Jack I'm moving on bitch. It may take a year or two but I'll get by even if I'm bidding, losing my savings with a contract bridge. Man fuck this shit I'm wasting my breath this won't resolve shit and a. Fuck how you think making a choice like this. Your just blowing in the wind Barbara.

January 13, 2023 14:38

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13 comments

Roger Scypion
05:32 Feb 12, 2023

Wow, what a story! Powerfully emotional and great lines! "Overused like a corner gas pump"...RAW for real!

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Daniel Fernandes
18:47 Feb 12, 2023

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. This is one of those poems that just had to be written. Vent out the pain and lock it away. Overused like a corner gas pump I feel is pretty much what happened and sums up the poem pretty well. Writting these raw poems helps show the readers that they are not alone. You may want to read Transparent Lives. It's another poem that's raw and explicit with a realistic approach. Whenever you have the chance of course. Thank you for reading and excited that you enjoyed it.

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Helen A Smith
17:42 Jan 24, 2023

Hi Daniel. This is very raw. You’ve written some top lines. Worth reading.

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Daniel Fernandes
13:43 Jan 25, 2023

Thank you for taking the time to read and provide feedback. Yes this is a very raw poem which was written during my high school days. Currently 24 so good couple years back. Heartbreaks are difficult to manage and I used writing to cope with mine. Thank you for enjoying the read. Venting becomes therapeutic.

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14:23 Jan 17, 2023

love the title and this story!

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Daniel Fernandes
17:59 Jan 17, 2023

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I thought the title was perfect for the story but was afraid it would pull a few readers away. Thank you for enjoying the story considering how raw and personal it was.

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Hannah K
03:01 Jan 15, 2023

"You overused me like a corner gas pump." Ultimately, I think that describes what happened here. Sounds like a woman used a man (maybe because she wanted attention and someome to talk to, maybe to make another man jealous, maybe just for the fun of it the way a cat toys with a string,) strung him along, then discarded him and broke his heart, not caring a thing for his humanity. Perhaps she did all this just to get a power high. Perhaps she was giddy, thinking of how she could use her feminine charms to control a man and then reduce him to...

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Daniel Fernandes
14:29 Jan 16, 2023

Yes You've overused me like a corner gas pump sums up pretty much what happened. This story is indeed involving a woman using a man for her own personal gain and just neglected his emotions. Thank you got catching that this guy had intentions of treating her right and to love. To be having a heart ripped out like that does traumatize people. To write down such raw emotions makes for more of an authentic and organic story. Based of an actual experience but although a name is written I would not dig deep to find out how she is. Also would no...

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Hannah K
01:16 Jan 17, 2023

Wasn't sure if it was completely fictional or based partly on something that happened to you. Now that I know it's based on something that happened to you, I'm glad to hear you're starting to heal and are moving on. The fact that you want to keep the name undisclosed shows that you continue to care about and respect the woman, in spite of it all. You don't want revenge, just to express yourself. That demonstrates character. I totally get what you mean about honestly expressing emotions. I'm very emotional/sensitive, and have been made to...

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Daniel Fernandes
13:50 Jan 17, 2023

Usually most of the stories have a bit of my life in them. The Lost One is also non fiction 3AM as well. Parts of I Don't Want To was also based of real events. Nevertheless it's healing to just get the emotion on paper. Yes it is a really raw and aggressive piece, but I come to realize that writing these stories help me notice that it is okay to feel sometimes. I understand that she did destroyed who I was as a person and my perspective on a few things. Still not worth exposing her to satisfy anger. These emotions although they are sensit...

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Hannah K
14:03 Jan 17, 2023

Thanks for having the courage to share all of that. When we open our hearts to others, we give them the power to bring us great blessing as well as terrible misery. Love is a double edged sword if we allow ourselves to love the wrong person. Praying that you find healing and strength to move forward into a bright future and that your writing will help bring you closure! Writing about our feelings can indeed be so therapeutic.

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Daniel Fernandes
17:57 Jan 17, 2023

Does take courage because I was afraid due to the title and how raw the story that people wouldn't enjoy it. Writing does give that closure. I am grateful for having the emotions run wild and be at peace that everything was said. I have written a poem about years afterword's and how coping is through all that time. Not enough to be posted here since it doesn't match 1000 words but that's for another time. Maybe I'll stretch it out with current emotions throwing in a couple stanzas.

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Andrea Corwin
23:14 Dec 09, 2023

Wow. Much was said here. It almost sounds like a person in a drug craze going off. So many great statements to vent on that damned woman! Good job. One suggestion is that in some places, I think you meant "you're," and you wrote "your." 👏

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