Thanks Bitch

The author has placed a warning on this post for language. This also mentions suicide.

So this is where shit lead to? Moving on with life welding pain onto my wall of memories I had of you. Months of talking yet years of being friends. Visions of the perfect duo. Only now I know your senseless.

Drifting sorry Pat Briscoe I have to with the loss of affection. I did my part. Where's my redemption? What else do you want me to do? I was fucking there. I gave you your fucking time. Shit you wanted yet oh turns out you slip onto some mother fucker leaving me alone with no room to shine. 

Drowning me in betrayal, Stabbing my back like Blac did to Kim. Although I wasn't related to this bitch the pain is the same, turning this situation all so grim. You smacked me with deception yet I was blind. Due to the love in your eyes. 

Getting pissed cuz my heads obsessed your all up in my fuckin mind. We spoke in person, chatting, laughing. I felt the connection. Turns out that's a bigger lie than fruit loops tasting different. With being happy I didn't pay attention to fake emotions I guess I couldn't see. What a great skill you have making fools believe. 

We texted everyday progressing into something great. Then you blocked my ass from ever talking to you again even though I was willing to wait. I fucking loved you, I would even be happy as friends, but no all gone floating down a river. Shit that came into an end.

Why is it funny? Cuz I still don't know. Someone told you some shit that made you let go, and all of a sudden you got someone. Wow! This mother fucker talked shit and is with you while I'm having a nervous breakdown.

Go ahead bitch watch him break your heart I hope he does. So I can be there like "Bem feito" then you'll get the message. There you will feel my fucking pain get the fuckin mentality that I had. So you're like “Damn I should have listened and stook around instead of disposing him like a garbage bag.” 

That you shouldn't have trusted love to begin with. Living that couple life like Mr. And Mrs. Smith. A true friend wouldn't sabotage one from speaking to another. I was always there for you. I cared. A bond that's not supposed to separate from each other. Man fuck you, fuck watcha did. Turning my love into a fable. A rated R movie with no Disney ending. Cutting my excitement like an unpaid cable. I still suffer. I won't lie, barely talking to anyone. Confused and delusional unsure if the healing begun. Fucking up at work being too weak to lift faith and hope like a beginner doing the clean and jerk. From the outside I'm fine while from within an empty shell while the spirit lurks.

Watch he's gonna leave your ass, cheat on you, maybe then you'll see. I already told you it would happen. You just don't wanna believe. Fine, let time bite your ass then you'll crawl back to me like “I lost two friends in need of one now.” While I'm there like “Make that three.“ 

You'll come back cuz I'm that nice guy, comforting, things will get better. I'm here for you. Man fuck you. I gave you my compassion and you tossed that shit on the floor and squashed me. Rubbing it against the ground as if there's gum on your boots. 

Thanks bitch you did make me happy but you fuckin destroyed who I was. Melting my feelings, adding dirt, turning that shit into mud. Whatever this bitch said it's most likely a lie. Regardless we could have fixed the problem like any human being would, but no fuck this guy. 

My dumbass as nice as I was didn't care about sex. I was hooked with your personality thinking the key is to respect. I thought it would go well but damn silence and BOOM! That's it. I tried building up as friends trying not to be rushing shit. 

You fuckin promised that you won't leave me that “We'll talk don't worry I know I'm all that you got.” Well then where did that lead us? I'm practically dead waiting to rot. I still love your ass, that's my problem. I can't stop thinking of what we could have been. It would have been awesome.

 I can't sleep. I can't speak. I can't listening to music yet sex don't help anxiety. My mind's my enemy at this point shit’s depressing. I'm losing fat from all the stress fucking thing got me sweating. 

Well then bitch lets see how life will go about. Split second options your choice got us both shot down. I told you shit no one else knew. Maybe that was the problem. I fucking trusted you. You being my only friend thinking if I open up you would understand why I have so much to lose. You can't believe what this shit makes me wanna do. 

Fuck this you wanna be like this fine! You just can't get yo shit together. You have no idea what ya did. Of course You can't see it now but give it a year or two you'll think back like "why did I do that shit?" but oh well there's no going back now, you fucked up. Abandoning me over friends that won't last. You overused me like a corner gas pump. 

You end shit through silence. Watch your gonna kill someone shit hurts. If I get through the memories will remain as if I survived Dunkirk. Fuck you fuck what you made me. Pushing me out of your life as if I'm some dweeb. 

Fuck how pretty you are. Fuck how perfect you seem. Changing my view of how I see you crafting dreadful dreams. Waking up like “Why bitch? Why the fuck would you do that shit, I was happy! Man I would get physical but that would make me look like the enemy. But I'm not, I'm the fucking victim in fact. I was humble treating you like an ancient artifact. 

We're living in a cold world filled with misery. I tried to help ya. That's when I was hung by luck but you forced a disappearance like you didn't give a fuck. I hear you laughing giggling in class haunting me getting run over by a jealous bus. You choose this life you're probably doing it on purpose. 

I bet you thought being quiet was a nice way to go around not hurting me. Well you're wrong. You can say a lot from being silent, a feeling that's dangerously strong. Doing what you did can make someone turn a gun on themselves. Depends how they're going by life and how long they've known ya. It could end bad something you can't leave hiding on a shelf. 

If you're hurt later on lesson learned cuz I Promised I would never upset you. Vise versa was a lie for some reason my life was a show you never wanted to attend to. Well life goes on. It's such a tragic flaw when this occurred. But I can't let this go or let it free like a bird. 

You'll open your eyes and get past that hidden greed. I saw potential in you but you just bite the hand that feeds. Oblivious to who's really out there for ya organic thoughts. Pushing those who don't care to plow that shit. Temporary presence like a cheap piece of cloth. 

Fuck you for emotionally kicking my ass. Leaving me here alone with no ambulance bleeding out in the tall grass. How can you be such an asshole? That's what I don't understand. You knew I would be left With nothing but a job that twists and cuts practically breaking my body and losing a hand. 

Fucking females always playing with our emotions. Making it seem like we're at fault mind fucking us not finding the difference between fantasy and devotion. Burning in flames I tried to add water to let it cease. Little do I know I'm putting coal then turning myself into ash from the fire that increased. 

You fucking acted like it was all fine. Letting me die slow. To then cut tides letting me suffer no help was borrowed. You never cared. You never felt shit! Explain why you held on then so you can do this? 

Angels lie to keep control. So break yourself against my stones. I'm done with you. Fuck you if your feeling change. Should have done that before you trusted your sinister brain. Don't fuckin tell me you cared cuz you don't. Don't fucking tell me you'll stand by cuz you won't. 

On the road with Jack I'm moving on bitch. It may take a year or two but I'll get by even if I'm bidding, losing my savings with a contract bridge. Man fuck this shit I'm wasting my breath this won't resolve shit and a. Fuck how you think making a choice like this. Your just blowing in the wind Barbara.