Mom?

“Mom?”

I was pushed out of my thoughts by Jack’s small voice. He crawled up onto the peeling couch and pushed the picture book into my lap.  His eyes looked at me with all the intensity a bored three year old could muster. 

“You want me to read it to you?” I said. 

He nodded, “Make sure you say all the sounds,” He directed. 

I managed a tired smile, “Alright,” 

He cuddled up next to me, his eyes intent on the pictures.  I got halfway through the book before he put his hand on the page to stop me from turning it.  I looked down at him as he looked up at me. 

“When’s daddy coming back?” He asked. 

My heart fell.  I tucked him closer to me and buried my head in his soft hair, trying to keep myself from breaking down.  He just squirmed away.  I took a deep breath and gave a half smile. 

“I don’t know when your daddy is coming back,” I said, finally, “He’ll visit sometimes,” 

Jack’s eyebrows folded in confusion and he tilted his head, “Why did he leave?” 

“Sometimes people get tired,” I tried, “Your daddy was really tired, so he went to take a break,” 

Jack still seemed confused but he nodded and tucked himself back underneath my arm, “You can keep reading now,” he said. 

“Mom!” Jack giggled, “Stop!” 

He pushed himself away, still grinning.  I smiled and scooped up more bubbles from the baby pool, I smeared them over my face and stood up, “I am Santa Claus,” I said, in the deepest voice I could manage. 

“No you’re not!” Jack cried. 

I smiled and walked towards him, “Then I am the tickle monster!” 

Jack let out a shrieking laugh and ducked underneath my arms, running to the other side of the backyard.  I smiled and chased him, scooping up more bubbles.  I finally stopped chasing him as I ran out of breath and I sat down on the grass. 

He came and sat next to me, being careful to sit just like I was sitting.  I smiled at him, “Do you want a snack?” 

“Can I have cookies?”  he asked, slyly. 

“No cookies, you already had a cookie today!” 

He scowled and folded his arms, “Then no, I don’t want a snack,” 

I shrugged, “Alright, I was going to say we should have some grapes, but you don’t like those so…” 

He looked at me, obviously struggling on whether to give in or keep his ground. 

I stood up, “I guess I’ll go eat all of the grapes by myself,” 

“No!” He jumped up and raced inside, “I’ll eat grapes!” 

I laughed and followed him. 

“Mom?” 

I finished folding the shirt, “Yes?”

“Where’s my homework?” Jack called, “I can’t find it anywhere!” 

“Where did you leave it?” I called back. 

“I don’t know!” 

I sighed and got up, picking up the laundry basket, “Check your desk!”  I called down. 

He ran upstairs, his hair was still a mess, he had one shoe on, and his shirt was backwards.   He tried pushing past me but I stopped him with my free hand and tried my best to comb through his hair.  He rolled his eyes and pushed away.

“Make sure you comb it out before we leave,” I said, “And put your shirt on the right way,” 

“Fine!” 

I made it downstairs and put the laundry basket on the couch, turning towards the kitchen.  I groaned.  The sink was still running, the fridge was open, and his dishes were on the table.

I turned off the sink and closed the fridge as he raced back downstairs, holding his homework in his hands.  He quickly stuffed it into his backpack and pulled on his other shoe, not bothering to tie it. 

“Come do your dishes,” I directed. 

He ran into the kitchen and threw his bowl and spoon into the sink, turning to go away.  I raised my eyebrow at him and he winced, turning back around and rinsing the off, putting them in the dishwasher. 

“Good job,” I said, “Let’s go,” 

He raced past me and into the car, “Can I have front seat yet?” He asked as I got in. 

“Are you twelve?” I asked, starting the car. 

He grinned, “Yes,” 

I looked at him through the mirror and he slumped down in his seat, “I will be in like seven months,” 

“Then you can sit in the front in seven months,” 

“Mom!” Jack muttered, he adjusted his grip on his backpack and looked cautiously behind him. 

“It’s your first day of High School, I’m just saying goodbye,” I defended, “Give me a hug?” 

He gave me a quick side hug and hurried off to go talk to his friends.  I watched as he left.  Something inside of me was upset, I didn’t want to lose him.  He was in High School now.  I took a deep breath and turned to get back in the car. 

“Mrs. Ryan?”  I turned as someone called my name. 

A girl ran up, she was beaming.  I smiled immediately as I saw her, but I had no idea who she was.  Something about her just made people happy.  Her hair was piled on her head in curls, she wore a flowery headband over it.

“I’m in Jack’s grade,” she said, “My name’s Ivy,” 

“Nice to meet you,” 

“Nice to meet you too!  I just wanted to say hello, and that he doesn’t mean it.  I met him last year and he told me he likes when you come to say goodbye,”

I tilted my head, “That means a lot, thank you,” 

She nodded, “Of course, have a good day!” 

I waved as she headed back to the school.  I had my suspicions.  That was exactly the kind of girl I’d want Jack to fall in love with.  I couldn’t suppress my laugh as I got in the car.

“Mom,” Jack managed, “what do I do again?”

“Say hello, compliment her somehow, that part will be easy,” I said winking. 

He just nodded, too nervous to get mad at me. His leg was bouncing furiously in the front seat, he was pale.  I smiled and looked forward and continued, “Then you put on the corsage and bring her back to the car, I’ll help you when it comes to pictures,” 

He nodded, taking in a shuddered breath. 

“You’ll do fine,” I assured him, “Go get her,” 

He got out of the car and walked up to the front of the house. It took him until Junior prom to ask her.  But he finally did it, that was the important thing.  After a while she came back out.  They were both laughing, smiling.  Jack opened the door for her and they both got inside. 

“You look beautiful!” I said. 

Ivy grinned, “Thank you!” 

“Mom,” 

I looked up from my book and immediately put it down, “Honey, what’s wrong?” 

Jack was a mess, he seemed fine before he left.  He came and sat next to me on the bed, burying his head in his hands.  He was silent, just in pain.  It took everything in me to not scoop him into my arms.  He didn’t want that, not right now. 

“I messed up,” He muttered, looking up.  He shook his head, his voice breaking, “I messed up really bad,” 

I was silent.  This wasn’t something to respond to.

He buried his head in his hands again, this time sobbing.  I scooted closer and just rubbed his back gently.  His back arched and he gripped at his hair.  It was terrifying to see him like this.

“I cheated on her,” he finally managed to choke, “I didn’t even…” he looked up his teeth gritted in anger, “Mom, I kissed someone else.  While she was standing right there!” 

I frowned, my mouth opening slightly.  I finally swallowed all my angry words, everything I wanted to say.

“I ruined everything because I couldn’t freaking handle a party,” He spat, “She’s never going to talk to me again, she shouldn’t talk to me again!” 

“Why did you kiss this other person?” I asked slowly. 

“I don’t know,” He muttered, “I don’t… she was there, everyone was dancing she kept getting closer, I didn’t… then I just…” he stopped, “I’m such a jerk,” 

I took a deep breath and looked at him, “So she broke up with you,” 

He nodded, burying his head again. 

“Do you know why your father left?” 

That got his attention.  He looked up, shaking his head.  I tried to never talk about it, it wasn’t important to him, not until now, at least. 

“He started dating someone else while I was pregnant with you,” I said, “He told me he loved her more, and left after three years of dating her, and being married to me,” I explained, “I thought I could work through it,  I thought that somehow we could get back together, but as you know, that hasn’t happened.  But the thing is, Jack?  I didn’t really want him back.  I didn’t want someone who didn’t really love me.  So, I think you can be with Ivy again.  I think you can make it work, but don’t try to get back together with her until you know that it won’t happen again, do you understand what I’m saying?” 

He nodded, I could see the determination in his eyes, “I understand,” 

“Good,” 

I hugged him and buried my head in his hair, “I love you, baby,” 

He hugged me back, “I love you too, mom,”