SECRETS

Carla is on her way to the front door but stops when Julia speaks to her. 

‘Where are you off to, Carla?’

‘I’m going to the shops to buy everything I need to start my scrapbook.’

Julia raises her eyebrows and says, ‘You should be studying. Now is not the time to start scrapbooking.’

‘I didn’t ask for your opinion or advice and I certainly don’t need your permission.’

‘My word, you are defensive.’

‘No one can blame me since you are forever questioning me.’

Julia rolls her eyes and says, ‘And I suppose Mommy will foot the bill as usual.’

Carla is fast becoming annoyed and says, ‘Oh gosh, I didn’t realize you where the family Treasurer. What about all the additional tutoring you receive simply because 6 distinctions won’t satisfy your insatiable need to prove yourself?’

Julia gives Carla a dirty look and says, ‘You can hardly compare my studies to scrapbooking, Carla dear.’

Carla is sarcastic when she says, ‘As usual, it’s been lovely chatting to you, Julia dear.  However, I have things to do. Unlike you, I have a life.’

With that, Carla steps out of the house and walks towards her little Fiat. 

She and Julia are twin sisters and always at loggerheads.  They may look alike but their personalities are like chalk and cheese. Julia is the academic and very prim and proper. She’s quiet, studious, and serious.  Carla on the other hand is loud, fun-loving, and boisterous. She’s an artist at heart and always looking for ways to express her creativity. Julia is neat and focused whereas Carla is untidy and airy-fairy. 

But they do have some things in common though.  They adore their mother and will do virtually anything for her. They love school and both are enjoying their final year albeit for different reasons. Julia delights in the thrill of pursuing 9 distinctions which will be a first in the history of the small school, and Carla is keeping count of all the boys who have already booked her for the prom. Something else they have in common is an intense but unspoken longing to know their father. He left shortly after their 5th birthday and they haven’t seen him since. Most days, they see their Mother trying her utmost to hide her sadness. The subject is taboo, nevertheless.

Carla can’t contain her excitement. She arrives at the shopping mall and finds a parking close to the entrance. She makes her way to the scrapbooking shop next to the Dry Cleaner’s and her eyes sparkle when she sees all the goodies on the shelves. She turns back to take a trolley and starts selecting an array of papers, glues, pens, and pencils – all acid free. She picks out an album and takes extra album pockets. She chooses a variety of scissors, other cropping tools, embossing equipment and then, finally, it’s time to choose all the embellishments (decorations) and stickers she will need. She loses herself and cannot believe everything she sees. At closing time, a very satisfied shop owner helps Carla carry everything to her car. She drives home singing at the top of her voice, excited to get started on her scrapbooking adventure. 

That evening, after supper, Carla goes up to the attic. She isn’t sure where to start but going through all the old photos seems like a logical point of departure. It’s dusty and as she opens the boxes containing old photos, she can’t stop sneezing. Julia is sitting at the dining room table studying and hears the sneezing. Curiosity gets the better of her and she goes up to the attic. She finds her twin, red-nosed and sitting on the floor pouring over some old photos.

Julia says, ‘I brought you a tissue for that snot nose.’

Carla takes the tissue and says, ‘I can’t believe it. Who are you and what have you done with my sister?’

Julia smiles and promptly sits next to Carla.

She says, ‘I just had to come and see what you are up to, Carla.’

Carla says, ‘A first.’  

Carla hands some photos to her and asks, ‘Have you ever seen these? They are fabulous, and Mommy has written all the details on the back.’

Julia studies them and remarks wistfully, ‘It wasn’t always just the three of us. Wow look at Mom and Dad. They seem so happy.’

Carla hands her another photo and says, ‘That’s Dad’s mother.’

Julia’s voice is shaky when she says, ‘She died before we were born. How I would have loved to have had a granny.’

Carla puts her arm around Julia, something she hasn’t done in a long time.

Julia is close to tears and asks, ‘Why did Daddy disappear from our lives?

‘Life isn’t fair, but Mommy has given us an exceptionally good life, Jules.’

There is a long silence before Julia says, ‘But she never properly explained why Father vanished from our lives. He disappeared overnight and perhaps we should talk to her about it. I stopped asking long ago, but I think it’s time for her to tell us exactly what happened.’

Carla wipes Julia’s tears with her hand and says, ‘I agree but I can’t help wondering how Mommy will react.  What will she do when she sees my album displaying all these photos?’ 

Julia says, ‘Daddy was a part of our lives.  As of now, I am done shutting him out.’ 

Carla is surprised but she jumps at the opportunity and says, ‘In that case, you can help me with my scrapbook project.’

Julia’s eyes widen and she says, ‘You and me. I don’t think that will work, Carla. Oil and water, remember?’

‘We could work as a team. I have the artistic flair and you are precise and organized. We might surprise ourselves.’

Julia smiles and says, ‘Well for once our goals are aligned. Maybe, just maybe.’

Carla picks another set of photos up and this time her eyes become watery. All the memories of when they were small, come flooding back.

‘Look at these, Jules.  You and me building sandcastles on the beach.’

Julia bursts out laughing.

‘Look, you are wearing a bikini and I am wearing a full costume.  We were different even then.’

They study some more photos and it’s almost midnight when they call it a day. Julia gives Carla a robust hug.

She whispers, ‘I’ll help you put an album together, Carla. As soon as we have gone through all the photos, I will catalogue them for you.  This will enable you to pick the ones you need and start with the pages.’

There is a newfound camaraderie between the girls and Carla says, ‘I simply can’t wait. Same time tomorrow?’

‘Yes, absolutely. You are right, we must just be careful not to hurt Mommy. We need to be gentle when we show her the album.’

Carla nods and says, ‘Sleep tight. See you in the morning.’

Lynne quickly closes her bedroom door. She is angry with herself.   She wanted to destroy those photographs but couldn’t bring herself to do it.  Now, she faces a huge dilemma. The girls are undoubtedly going to start with all their questions again and this time she will not be able to fob them off.  She goes to her bathroom and takes a sleeping tablet knowing that without it, she won’t sleep a wink.   

Lynne grew up in an orphanage and when she finished school, she moved as far away from the orphanage as possible. In Riverlea, she applied to the Citizen for a job.  She was interviewed by the editor-in-chief, Jack Ellers and 3 months later, they eloped and got married. Jack made it clear from the start that he didn’t want children. Lynne was disappointed but she accepted his decision. They were blissfully happy for a few years but, as time passed Jack started to consider the possibility of having children.  Lynne sensed his inner turmoil, and she gave him room to bring his own emotions to book.  She was over the moon when he finally sat her down and told her that he also wanted children.    When Jack’s mother, Olive found out that Lynne was pregnant, she was shocked to the core.  Her deep and dark secret was no longer safe. Olive asked Jack to come and see her immediately.

In a panic Olive said, ‘But you told me that you didn’t want children, Jack!’

I know, Mom. But I’ve come to realize that I can’t let my fears deprive Lynne of a family. She deserves happiness.’

Jack’s Father was an extremely hard man and Jack was afraid that he wouldn’t be a good father either. The decision not to have children was an easy one but his love for Lynne and the need to make her completely happy, triumphed and after his decision, they started trying for a baby immediately.

Olive suffered a stroke that day and she passed away a few days later. She took her secret to the grave.

The twins turned 4 when Lynne started her quest to find out who her biological parents were.  She uncovered her lineage, and it changed her life forever. She checked her facts and re-checked them. For days she agonized over her findings. She screamed and sobbed but it changed nothing.  There was nothing she could do. The discovery made her ill and she wanted to die but her love for Julia and Carla kept that option at bay. She knew she had to take the matter up with Jack and went to his office. She was adamant that the twins would never know. She told Jack everything and when he spoke, he was as white as a sheet.

‘Are you absolutely sure, Lynnie? It’s a mistake, this can’t be. No, I refuse to accept what you are saying. You’ve made a terrible mistake; I would have remembered you.’

‘Here it is, Jack! In black and white. You are my brother. Your mother… our mother kept you and gave me up.  Do you realize what this means?  Julia and Carla could have had complications.’

Jack’s voice is hoarse when he says, ‘Thank the Lord they are fine. We…’

Lynne interrupts Jack and says, ‘I am going to fetch Julia and Carla. Go home, pack your things and when I return, you and all your things will be gone. I never want to see you again!’

Jack tried to comfort her, hold her but she would not have him come near her much less touch her. She loathed herself, despised him.  Jack was heartbroken. That evening he never went home. He left everything he loved behind and in an act of self-preservation, he never looked back.

Over the next 2 weeks, Julia and Carla worked solidly on the photo album. Each page became a work of art and a source of much joy and fulfillment. The girls worked on a table in the attic and decided that they would show their mother the finished product before asking her about their father and why he disappeared from their lives. Lynne knew of course and she waited with bated breath, dreading the day. It came without warning.

Carla says, ‘Mommy, we have something to show you.’

Lynne says, ‘I know. I’ve been waiting.’

Carla hands the scrapbook to her mother and as she slowly pages through the magnificent album, her tears flowing freely. 

Eventually she speaks and says, ‘I have never seen something so beautiful. Each page is like a gift, a reminder of how happy we were. Each decoration is so appropriate, a feast for the eye.’

‘Really, Mommy’, said Carla.

‘Yes, and I can see how close the two of you have become. It gives me so much joy and peace, girls. You have no idea. Who taught you how to do this?

Carla answers and says, ‘It’s called scrapbooking. Jules and I have worked on the photo album together. It showcases the photographs, but it also serves to preserve them in an acid free environment.’

Julia lovingly says, ‘Mommy, thank you for writing the names and dates on the back. It helped with the sorting.’

Lynne smiles and says, ‘I am so glad I did that, Jules. The photos are in perfect order and I want to tell you the story behind every single one.’

Lynne regales them with all the tales and adventures, and they are mesmerized. The house reverberates with laughter and then at times a deluge of tears. 

It’s late when Lynne finishes by saying, ‘Your father was a wonderful man and I loved him. I don’t know how to say this, but I went through a very dark time in my life and I was unfaithful to him once. Your father tried but couldn’t forgive me. After my indiscretion, we both desperately attempted to fix our marriage. In the end, we parted ways. Girls, I’m so sorry, it was all my fault. You probably hate me now.’

Carla says, ‘We could never ever hate you but if you loved Daddy, how could you cheat on him?’

‘I’ve asked myself that question over and over. I live with regret every day of my life.’

The three of them sit huddled together until the early hours of the morning. All three make a pact to put the past behind them and when they eventually decide to get some sleep, Lynne asks the girls to creep in with her. The subject is closed for Lynne and Carla, but Julia somehow knows that her mother isn’t telling the truth. The secrets are still out there, and she makes up her mind to speak to her mother about it, one day… 

THE END