Going by Virginia

I was christened Virginia Alice Anderson by my mother. I don't have particularly strong feelings about my name, it's good and sensible, but occasionally I wish she had given me something more personal. She could have named me "Tina" after her mother or "Lilly" after her favorite type of flower. But no, Virginia was what she wanted and as soon as she gave it to me, she died.

I think I must have been a pretty picture her funeral; a wee little baby in a black dress and bonnet, nestled in the arms of my father. I like to imagine that, anyways, for that would have been the last time in my childhood that I looked presentable. You see, I had three brothers, and to them "Virginia" was fussy. They changed my name to "Gin" and never again was I petted or groomed.

We lived on a farm, the four of us. My father worked all day and we did what we could. We never had a nursemaid and I was told that they carried me in a basket before I could walk. When I could walk, however, I coddled no more. They taught me how to hide, how to run, how to yell. I learned to fend for myself.

I think the only question that really remains about this whole ordeal is if I liked it. The answer is a hard no. We never went to school (we learned at home), we never left the land, but I knew there was more. When my brothers weren't around I'd smooth my hair and clean my face. I would pick flowers and allow myself to be feminine. I felt lonely and longed for a gentle companion of some sorts, but all I had were books.

I think my father, as absent as he was, understood that upbringing was bad for me. When I turned 15, he sent me to live with a distant aunt. She was in the city, and I think he hoped I'd become a lady so he could marry me off. I was more than happy to go along with it, and it was there that I met Jackson.

Jackson was, to be clear, a man. He was eighteen and his intentions are now questionable. Then I didn't find it funny that he liked me, that he wanted me around. I just knew that he was nice, rich, and took me to things. I was naive, and he probably knew it.

I remember I met him after my first week in the city. I was at a soda parlor and my aunt was next door buying something medicinal. That's when I saw him. He was tall and attractive. I decided to ask him what his name was (like I said, I was naive), and we started talking. He was charming, and soon I found myself agreeing to go to some dance with him. After that, we were inseparable.

We went around together for two years of my time in the city. We'd go to museums and parties when I wasn't at finishing school, and I became more "cultured" under his wing. He always called me Vera, and that's the name I started going by. The name was only a start, because then he modeled me into his own creation.

For him I abandoned all my former ways, for him I changed. I only dressed the way he wanted me to, I only did what he'd approve of. It all came to a halt when he asked me to marry him. I wanted to say yes, but my aunt (who had been previously oblivious to our affair) said no. I was crestfallen, and soon heartbroken because he left me when I told him her answer.

Because I had spent all my time with him, I was essentially alone in the city. I was only a lost wild thing, I felt I couldn't properly fit into society without him. I started going to the library, books became my companions once more. It was there that I truly grew up, where I truly discovered myself. It was there that I discovered I wanted to write.

I spent all my my time writing and eventually I started submitting my stories to magazines. Through that I became more independent. I started taking public transport, dressing the way I wanted to, and even developed a few friends in the process. I didn't know it at the time, but for the first time in my life, I wasn't being controlled by male influence. I did know, however, that it felt wonderful.

My writing has taken me far, and now I am here. I live in an apartment as an author and don't ever intend to marry. My brothers did, and they visit me with their children. Them and their families is all I shall need. I am happy now and finally, as my mother intended me to, go by Virginia.