Funny story

Hi. I’m Tabitha. You can call me Tab. Tabby doesn’t hurt either. My therapist told me I should write my thoughts down as they come. She says it helps with processing trauma or something like that. I don’t know.

She gave me this notebook and I’ve got a lot of time to kill so I figured sure, what the hell. Might as well tell someone about what happened. Someone who can’t hold it against me in a court of law.

As far a trauma goes I don’t know how much of it I have exactly. It all started, as most conflicts do, with a man. But you know that already don’t you?

I was working retail at the start of the summer.

It was my job to make sure the shelves were stocked and tidy. I was dealing with what my manager Cathy had described as a “natural disaster” in the clothing section when I saw him.

He had just come out of the dressing room and was checking himself out in one of the mirrors. He was painfully average. A bit of gut, broad shoulders, and a decent head of hair. There was nothing particularly remarkable about him. Still, you know us girls, we find a way.

He was trying on a blazer, spinning around to see it from every angle. Then he smoothed down the shirt he was wearing as if to make it more flattering, posing as he did. I watched him do this for a few minutes, chuckling to myself a few racks over. What? It was cute.

“Well I like it.” I said, and I’m still not sure when I’d walked over there.

He whipped around, clearly processing that I had been watching him pose in front of a mirror for ten minutes. Up close his eyes were a starry greenish brown. His hair was darker than his bronze skin and his teeth a pearly white. Still average but of course but not nearly as painfully. I stared into those big green brown eyes for a second, holding his gaze.

“You going to a wedding?” I continued eyeing the rest of his selections, which included a matching pair of dress pants and shoes. He opened his mouth like he meant to say something but couldn’t remember how to speak.

“Um no, no not exactly.” His voice was deeper than I expected, dropping like honey off his lips. It came easier to him than most other things I could tell. “You really like it?”

“You don’t?”

“I’m not really a suit and tie kind of guy.”

“So what’s the occasion?” I run my eyes over him. “If it’s not a wedding.”

“Court.” He said plainly, sliding off the jacket in favor of the one he’d come in with.

“Court?” I repeated. He didn’t strike me as the public offender type.

“Yea i got in a fender bender with an ice cream truck.”

“You’re kidding.” I said, a giggle escaping.

“I was trying to catch it for my niece and..yea.”

“I feel like you're leaving out a part of that story.”

“I mean I might have been drunk..and it was parked. And I don’t have a niece.”

This time we both laughed.

“Well I’m sure you’ll look sharp.” I assured him. Then I saw it. The same look every guy gets when he starts to think he has a shot. With all of the subtlety of a siren.

“Can I get your number?” He asked, an intensity sitting behind his eyes. “In case I need any last minute tips or being..sharp.”

“Ouu see, I really try not to give out my information to complete strangers.” I said with mock concern.

That made him chuckle. “Fair policy. How do I qualify as an acquaintance then?”

“Well we’d have to get to know each other better.”

“But how can I if you won’t-” he paused mid sentence coming to terms with the challenge I’d placed in front of him.

“Actually my buddy’s throwing a party tonight and apparently attendance is mandatory. You wanna come? Maybe give me your number there?”

And there it was. Like taking candy from a baby. Boys are almost too easy.

I painted on my most endearing smile.

“Sounds like a plan.”

…

“Wait, who is this guy even?” Leah complained, carefully taking down the twists she put in my hair earlier. I watched her in the mirror we had propped up against the door of our dorm.

“Does it matter? This is the party. And now I know exactly where it is.” I held out the scrap of paper where the dressing room guy had written out the address.

“So the plan is to what? Just show up, after months of no contact, just like that?”

“Well if you say it like that of course it sounds ridiculous.”

“How can you even be sure she’ll show up?” She was right, I couldn't be. But I just knew for some reason that she would.

My hair fell free from the curls in bouncy waves around my face. She stuck her fingers in and fluffed until my hair was a gorgeous halo of auburn curls. It felt amazing.

“You think she’s still mad?”

“Well we won’t know that till we get there no will we?”

“I’m stuck on that poor guy in the blazer. He was probably cute.”

“Well if we see him at the party then you can have him. He’s served his purpose.”

…

At this point I bet you're thinking, what the hell does this have to do with anything? Relax, I'm getting there.

See me and Leah weren’t exactly the “party” type of college students. Leah’s idea of a fun night was getting high in her car and eating take out in our dorm room. And mine wasn’t too far off. So it’s easy to say a party thrown by the most popular fraternity on campus wasn’t exactly our scene. But Leah would’ve done anything for me; and I her. That’s what I like the most about her.

The frat house was large like a mansion. Music shook the foundation even from the outside, as if the entire structure was partying too. Leah and I held hands as we walked in, dodging shoulders, limbs, and couples attached at the lips.

“I can’t believe people choose to be hot and cramped.”

I shrug, shoving our way out of the main room and into the massive kitchen. “It’s better when you’re drunk…and desperate.” I let my voice drop so only I heard the last part. Music pounded in my ears but kitchen doors sealer the worst of it to the man hall. I slipped past a trio of girls all crowded around the edge of the table pretending not to notice the white substance being divided between them.

Leah followed me to a tall assortment of liquor on the counter. If she was going to turn up in any room something told me it would be this one. It’s everyone's first stop. I plucked a bottle from the bunch and mixed it with a fruity soda. Don’t look at me like that, it was a party. I poured the mixture into two red cups and handed one to Leah.

“When in Rome.” She joked before taking a sip.

After a few minutes of waiting and sipping on the awful cocktail I’d made, I decided to make my rounds, leaving Leah stationed in the kitchen by the snacks.

I squeezed out of the kitchen and into the back yard, ducking binder random rouge limbs and slipping through the sliding door. It was definitely quieter back there and the fairy lights along the fence were a nice touch. Who knew frat guys were so decorative. There was a pool, a large patio and some stray chairs. I scanned them all for her. Instead I landed on him.

He was tucked in a group of guys playing beer pong near the pool. He chatted casually, only sipping his beer every few minutes. Again I watched him do this for a while. Caught up in how relaxed his mannerisms were earlier, and how different they looked now. I couldn’t see his eyes from where I sat but I wondered if the stars would still be in them.

Eventually he looked over his shoulder and caught me staring. Shit. He smiled and grabbed a chair, pulling it up next to mine. “You came.” He said, disbelief in those starry eyes.

“So I did.” I said, scanning the beer pong table for her. I had to get rid of this guy.

“So how do you wanna do this, just ask each other questions?”

“Huh?” I said, not really paying attention.

“To get to know each other.” He clarified.

“Actually, I do have a question you can answer. Do you know a girl named Ava Harris?”

Before he could answer her voice broke out over him, reaching for me across the lawn. “Tabitha?!” And only one person other than my mother calls me Tabitha.

I jumped up from my seat, leaving my red cup by my chair. “Watch my cup.” I told him as I stumbled forward, looking for her frantically. Our eyes collided and she was standing by the sliding door like she’d been looking for me too.

“What the hell are you doing here?” She cried as we both broke out into a run.

Her chest caught mine and we wrapped ourselves around each other so hard it must have looked painful.

“Ava” I said, pulling away. “I’ve been looking for you.” The haze of the reunion had faded and reality couldn’t wait to take its turn.

She frowned. “Mom sent you..didn’t she?”

“She didn’t have to! I want to see my sister is that so fucking insane to think.”

“Oh you miss your sister.” She mocked me in a whiner voice she used to use when we were kids to do the same thing. It was just as irritating as it was back then.

“ Fuck you, I don’t sound like that.”

“Fuck you!”

This was one of our tamer arguments.

“Is everything okay over here?” And there he was again. Only this time he was poking his head in my business. I swear, are dudes born without the ability to read a room?He approached us cautiously, still holding my cup in one hand and his beer in the other.

I snatched my cup, downing the rest of the horrible mixture. Had it gotten worse? Liquor burned its way down to my gut spreading through my body like fire.

“We’re talking.” She said flatly, but even he could spot the annoyance in her face.

“Don’t be rude.” I snapped.

“You’re one to talk.” She threw back.

“Can you give us a minute?” I asked and he nodded walking back to the spot I’d abandoned him at.

“Who is that?”

“That’s how I found the party.” I shrugged. “I don’t know his name.”

“Clingy mark”

“Yea my selection needs work. But mom would be proud.”

“She’s always proud of you.” The distinction made me wince. The hell was that supposed to mean? “It all comes so easy to you, exploiting and manipulating people huh? You're like a mini mom.”

“Am not!”

“Totally are.” She said, “Mom hates me. And you let her.”

“The hell does that even mean? She doesn’t hate you. She hates everyone.”

“Not you.”

“Is this why you haven’t been returning my calls?”

Her face hardened like I spat at her. “I stopped taking your calls because I know you're doing it again.”

“Doing what?”

Her eyes darkened, “hunting.”

I stiffened. “No I’m not.”

“Really? You expect me to believe you picked up the ‘king of bland’ today because you wanted to find me? We stay on the same campus, Tabby.” There it was, the name she only called me patronizingly. “You didn’t need him to know I’d be here. But you did it anyway. Let me guess, you didn’t give him your number right? Makes it easier for mom to clean up your messes doesn’t it? No strings.”

“That’s not what I’m doing.” I said, stumbling. That drink was a lot stronger than I thought.

“Prove it.”

I opened my mouth to say something. Sure I’d hunted in the past, and maybe I'd used some old tricks to get here, but I wasn't gonna hurt him. And sure his sheer averageness would have made it easier to make him disappear. But that’s not why I picked him..right?

I was so sure at first but not anymore. It was a compulsion, an addiction. I did it even now when I wasn’t thinking about it.

I wanted to tell her all of this but I couldn’t. Not for lack of words but simply because it was hard to stand let alone speak. Why the hell was the backyard spinning? My body tilted forwards falling into Ava’s shoulder.

“Are you okay? How much did you drink?” The goddamn drink! That’s what it was, it had to be. But I hadn’t let it out of my sight since…no no way. My head was spinning but I could just about make out his silhouette as he neared us again. Kneeling over me in concern.

“Is she alright?”

There was no fucking way. While I had been out hunting him, he’d been hunting me too. Had he seen me watching him? Was the goofy nervous act a ploy to lure overconfident coeds into his web? It was too much to think about. I squeezed my eyes shut.

That fucking mark spiked my drink.