The oddest of all planets; Earth

There I was, sitting on a picnic bench, looking up at the sky. It was beautiful, the starry night, the spaceships flying by, and who could forget the sound of the chirping of the little birds. You could even see Neptune in the distance and imagine a powerful storm was occurring. Astronomers here on Pluto have been, for decades, studying Neptune and other planets like Jupiter, Saturn, and even this bizarre planet called Earth. 

Scientists say Earth doesn't qualify as a planet because it is too watery and doesn't have enough landmass or gas to be a solid planet or a gas giant. But somehow, it has an element named after it called "Earthonium", a rare radioactive substance found near Pluto's core. Some people believe that if Earthonium is a thing, "Plutonium" exists too, but no one pays attention to them. We all know they're out of their minds. Plutonium? How crazy would that be? 

Dad even believes there's life on Earth. He has a full-on conspiracy theory that all the neighbors like to stay up-to-date. He even tried to brainwash me into joining his Earth Life Cult. That's the name, no kidding. But I knew better and kept a distance. All my friends hesitate when I invite them home. It's bothering me now. Mom agrees with me, and we have a good laugh about it. What in the world could a "Swan" be? I mean, it's just as absurd as saying that the adorable Xeophants don't exist. 

Ah, I love Xeophants. They're as tall as seven-year-olds but as strong as twenty people put together. So it's one of the best transportation systems ever. Guess what! They leave no carbon footprint, and they love giving people joyrides! I paint them quite often. They have such a pretty blue color and a pretty shape. I bet those elephants don't have a trunk as big and strong as theirs. Unfortunately, they're on the verge of extinction. They are famous for their magnificent golden tusks. And it's not good attention. Poachers love these and do their best to procure some. It's easy for them, especially with their number of connections. Some sold for millions on the dark web! It's depressing. I hope Earth doesn't have this. No, I'm still not believing there's life on Earth. It's just a hypothesis. 

But then again, rumors are spreading that an inhabitant of Earth, an animal named Homo Sapiens, also known as a human, is the most powerful species. If this is is true, Pluto might be in grave danger. The humans might invade it and try to claim it as theirs. 

My sister even believes one of them came to Pluto and explained the English language to Plutonians. She thinks that's how we may understand most humans, the species thought to be living on Earth, known to be intelligent but very greedy. I laughed at this. Humans may be more similar to us than I imagined. 

There is one problem here. It's freezing. People can't ever take a break from wearing ten layers of thick sweaters. According to some astronomers, our homes resemble the homes of a human cultural group called the Inuit. And they live in something called an igloo, what a funny name, how can such a small word have so many vowels? Apparently, in some of the videotapes I've seen of astronauts going on Earth, the weather varies from sunshine to tornadoes, which is interesting. Then again, it could all be fake. The government here has a reputation of being corrupt. It has been looked down upon for centuries.

It all goes back centuries ago when the Plutonian king promised freedom to his people but secretly ran a slavery industry. The members of the ancient Plutonian court and his son were also part of his maniacal scheme. But one day, the prince ratted out on him, don't let this fool you. He is still a horrible person. The king got executed, and the people loved the prince so much they immediately crowned him king of Pluto. Of course, now I am talking about the infamous tyrant, King Pluton II. 

He had no trouble showing off all his riches and pointing out how miserable everyone else was, which is one of the reasons. The second one is Pluton II misused his power and continued the slavery industry. Good job, ancient citizens, now you have someone even worse than the last one. But he eventually got killed after a revolution that involved the entire planet, but that's another story. He is probably the most hated ruler in Plutonian history. Maybe even universal history, but the universe is infinitely big, so perhaps he isn't. Perhaps there truly is life elsewhere.

I remember the first time I heard about alien life was at our paper stack club, where we had to give a short description of the paper stack each of us read. My friend read a paper stack about Earth and the possibility of being an atmosphere and life. Most of us mocked her, but she kept a straight face and ended up writing a science fiction paper stack of her own. But it was a big failure. You see, science fiction is relatively new on Pluto and one of the most hated genres of all time. Even scientists despise the ideas depicted in paper stacks. I was surprised she didn't hate me after that incident. Instead, she came to me, gave me her book for free, and asked me for an opinion on her book. Thankfully, she didn't ask for an honest one. So I told her she was a true visionary and that this was a priceless piece of work. That's when I dropped the idea of ever inviting her home. I would hate it if my dad managed to talk to her and convince her to join his cult. 

Suddenly, I heard a noise. My smartphone was buzzing. It said that I had 431 new notifications! Some were texts from my contacts and some from my news subscriptions. I jumped off the bench when I heard people screaming. Those people were all members of my dad's cult. They were holding an enormous banner saying: "We told you so."