Chasing a Happiness Mirage

         Chasing a Happiness Mirage

   Sam put the large plastic tote onto the back seat of his SUV, then walked back into the house. He wanted to pass through it one more time to ensure he wasn’t forgetting something. At the end of the main hallway, he stopped at the door of the master bedroom. He saw her there, lying on the bed they had shared for twenty years. He told her he was ready to leave but the only response he got was the muffled sound of sobbing. At that moment, he hated himself. He had made a choice though, and he was following through with it.

   He never intended it to be this way. When they said their vows, he meant every word that he said. Something happened along the way and both of them had changed. Discontent had settled into his heart and when it did, temptation came along in the form of Nancy. In her, he saw the opposite of the things that irritated him with Sheila. His wife was quiet and withdrawn, never wanting to go out to a bar. Nancy seemed happy to be with him wherever he wanted to go. Sheila tried to keep the house fit for the cover of a magazine. Nancy’s house always looked “lived-in”.

   Thus, flirting turned into an affair, which led to Sam’s decision to leave Sheila and file for divorce. The news had devastated his wife, as well as their only child, Sam Jr. For the first time ever, the young man held nothing back in criticizing his father. After he had his say, he refused to speak to him again. Sam wrote it off, thinking that his son was just too young to understand love. He also figured that the boy would come around after the shock wore off.

   Sam drove over to the storage unit he had rented and dropped off most of the totes. He kept only the containers of clothes and grooming products, as Nancy had everything else. Then he made his way to her house.

   She ran out the back door when he pulled into the driveway, wrapping her arms around him as soon as he shut the driver’s door. They shared a long kiss, then parted with smiles. They each began carrying things into the house. It was a new beginning for Sam, and it started with a period of happiness.

   January through March was like a honeymoon for them, even though they weren’t married. Problems were almost non-existent. They went out to the bars most weekends and spent those nights drinking and dancing. Sam rarely thought about his ex-wife and their son, unless there were legal issues to deal with. Sheila was contesting the divorce, which would draw things out in court. Sam figured she was just trying to get back at him. After all, he let her keep the house and offered what he thought was a fair amount of alimony and child support. However, any bad thoughts quickly disappeared whenever he was with Nancy.

   By the end of July, there were some loose threads in the fabric of Sam’s new love affair. Nancy had begun to complain about the amount of time the settlement was taking. She was hoping for a big engagement ring. She kept telling Sam that a successful investment broker like him could afford a wife and an ex-wife. Sam, though, had always been careful with money and he was intent on keeping as much as he could. He could not see a reason to give away the farm just to get things over with quicker. After all, they would have the rest of their lives together.

   September brought cooler temperatures to the land. The thermometer was also reading cooler inside Nancy’s house. The divorce still had not been settled and Nancy was not happy. It actually led to their first argument, with Sam finally agreeing to settle it soon. Sam Jr. still refused to talk to him and was now away at college. The happiness of spring had somewhat melted away. Drinking soon became a way to forget about the problems instead of having a good time.

   The divorce became final at the beginning of October, but Sam didn’t run out and buy a ring right away. He and Nancy had begun to disagree about a lot of things and he was not as certain about their future. She was talking about having kids. He felt that forty was too old for a man to be having more children. He kept wondering why things always had to be her way. He heard the words, “Stop comparing me to Sheila” on more than one occasion. Spending time together at the bar became a rarity.

   At Christmas, Nancy got very upset when she still did not get a ring from Sam. The next day she told him he had one week to find a new place to live. She was not about to waste any more time on someone who couldn’t commit to her. Sam went to the closest bar and drank until it closed. The whole time he was there he kept thinking about how he had gotten to this point. Nancy had seemed so different than Sheila, and she was. Sam had failed to realize that it was a two-way street. He had only seen the good things in his new girlfriend. The things that he liked about his ex-wife were characteristics that Nancy didn’t possess. He shed a few tears that night when he thought about the woman he had left behind.

   So, in January, as the calendar had come full circle, Sam’s life did as well. He found himself on New Year’s Day packing up the last of his belongings in his SUV. He drove across town to the trailer court and hauled the totes into the rental unit. He thought about calling his son. He thought about calling Sheila. Neither thought seemed like a good idea. As he grabbed the last of the items, he slammed the door shut and began to contemplate all of the new things he would have to do as a bachelor. He was reaching for the door when he heard a female’s voice.

   “So you’re the new neighbor, huh? You should stop over if you get lonely.”