Fahrenheit 212

My blood begins to boil as my resentments rise.

The temperature in my suite is edging up to combustion level. I’m almost willing to endure the 450+F. that promises to destroy those things that bug me the most.

I’ve been told I need to leave my apartment for 8 hours while this intrusive treatment takes place.

I’m not happy.

Water boils at 212F. Apparently it freezes at 32F.

Hell’s bell’s for elections that’s mighty cold, I’m thinking about running and jumping into the hot pot.

I sullenly turn to the one remedy that has served me well over the years.

Gratitude, supposedly the foundation for much.

My brain hurts thinking about the complexities and just as I begin to smell burning rubber, I’m reminded…KISS.

Keep it simple…silly ( I currently am grateful for not calling myself stupid.)

Back to gratitude.

This act has become a ritual which I practice daily. The consequences for not doing so can be severe and as the years march forward, sometimes immediate.

In this particular moment I am most grateful for…bedbugs. Yes, you’ve read that correctly, bedbugs, or as I now refer to them, my BB’s, aka my “Best Buddies”.

Close on their tails are a slightly different breed of pests…penises.(look it up, that is the plural for more than one penis.)

I shall claim neurodivergence and briefly describe a rather rare genetic condition, diphallia. This phenomenon is present at birth and the person (I’m guessing a male person) with this condition has two penises.

I shall continue the divergence from bedbugs and dip a little into the heart of the night to tell a story which possibly is based in reality.

It is about a man and a woman who for protection shall have their names changed.

The man will be known as Jean-Luc and the woman as Alexandria.

Truth be told, though this story might appear fictional, it has strong taproots into the lives of several very much alive human beings.

So the story continues and dips somewhat deeply into a place some might call erotica. 

My mind begins to wander and as my eyes close, the following scene ambles across the darkened stage…

Jean-Luc stands in front of the window and allowed Alexandria to slowly unzip him. 

His obsession has convinced him that this act will allow him to become uniquely free of self.  

The woman who sits before him senses that this is perhaps the first time he's ever been fondled in such a manner. 

For her, the act becomes an almost clinical operation.

Alexandria, a vibrantly passionate woman seems to understand intuitively that the act she is performing is not about sex, but more about being “human."

This woman has been obsessed with penises for what seemed like a lifetime.

When she first met Jean-Luc, she was virtually lifted out of her seat. His resemblance to a man she had recently released from her heart, was uncanny.

True, her first thoughts were not about his penis, she was much more interested in the reality of who this man might be and if he was anything like the guy she’d pinned her hopes on for far more years than what was healthy for her heart.

She had vowed not to make that mistake again and yet here she was mesmerized by what may have been an illusion.

She had observed Jean-Luc carefully for several years and began to understand that she liked the person she was beginning to know.

Though they had never met in the physical world, that time slowly unfolded before them.

Came the day they actually met in the real world.

They were both a little frightened as the platform they’d gotten to know each other on, was famous for its power to recreate. 

Using a magic bag of tricks, it could transform a 72-year-old, three-hundred-pound woman into a rather attractive package. 

It was mostly smoke and mirrors!

Who knows what Jean-Luc’s first thoughts were when they met. He was a rather secretive introvert who kept his thoughts carefully guarded. Not even the highly talented, keenly intuitive Alexandria could see to the bottom of that murky pool.

What he did manage to convey in rather short order, was his desire to have her sketch his penis.

For Alex, this was not as outrageous a request as one might imagine.

She was an Artist and had spent years examining and closely observing the world around her.

Her talent had manifested at an early age. The family joke was that she’d arrived through this earthly veil with a crayon in her hand.

For the young artist this thin veil had wrapped itself around her heart like an icy shroud.

Back to the window and Jean-Luc’s request to have Alexandria examine his penis, perhaps as a precursor to sketching it in more detail.

What he may have underestimated was this woman’s curiosity with these organs, her rather limited exposure to them and the fact she hadn’t seen, let alone held one for over 30 years.

So she indulged his teasing, his retreats into the safety of his head and his occasional forays into the physical world. It was in that place that the feline in Alexandria lay waiting to pounce.

She would wiggle her backside as she hugged the ground tighter and tighter. Her ears would flatten, her whiskers twitch and quiet little moans of anticipation would escape her lips. She licked them frequently in anticipation of playing with the bait he dangled before her.

Alexandria was very careful to keep this feral creature in check. 

However, she had finally had enough of this guy’s teasing and decided to take the bull by the horn, literally.

As she sat in a hard chair. Jean-Luc walked by and stood facing her to say goodbye.

At eye level was… a middle she’d become a little obsessed with.

So, she grabbed him by his belt, pulled him roughly towards her and began her exploration. She was very careful to seek his permission, both verbally and most important, by the voice of his body.

His compliance was both with words and a definite leaning into the experience.

She began where all good things begin, his navel. She traced the fur around it, lightly trailed her fingers down the spiraling tufts and used HUGE restraint by not using her tongue to assist the operation.

She wanted nothing more than to bury her face in the delicious appetizer that rippled and twitched beneath her fingers.

She slowly traced her finger down the line, got to his belt and began letting it loose. As she lowered his pants and the underwear beneath, she caught glimpses of the prize she was longing to examine more carefully. What she wanted most, was to use her tongue to swirl around the tip, while her hands gently probed the delicious sack beneath an organ whose length she’d already been warned about many times.

What she wasn’t prepared for was its delectable girth, its beautiful purple hue and again the balls enclosed by a deeper purple, lightly veined velvet bag.

Intuitively, she knew she needed to restrain herself, even as her own nether regions began to pulse, twitch and ache to have that gorgeous appendage bury its whole 7 inches inside her.

She did remarkably well. She remembered this man’s words about not wanting to get into a romantic relationship and restrained herself.

And so, the examination ended. She tucked him back in, pulled up his pants, buckled his belt and did her best to treat this experience as a scientific experiment.

It seemed to work. She gathered her equilibrium, her shawl, hat and keys and walked Jean-Luc out to his truck.

She bade him goodbye, went for a short walk to clear her head and began to ponder the enormity of what had happened.

She chose to see it from his perspective. This helped immensely in cutting her fantasies short and as she returned to her apartment her smoking carburetor had begun to settle down.

She sat on her recliner, feet up and smiled with satisfaction.

She realized her 30 year fast had been broken, well, at least partially.

If she were to pass in the next moment, it would be with the satisfaction of having once again seen and held a live penis.

In that moment, life was good and she was satisfied.

She slept for a long time, sailed back over a year, in and out of weeks and through a day, and into the night of her very own room. At least it seemed like her room.

She shivered. 

Some psychic nerve deep within the fibers of her heart told her that she may just have washed up on a foreign shore. It felt familiar and at the same time totally out of sync.

BOOM!

My eyes open, a few tears have blurred the movie I’d just watched and then I recalled the words spoken by my sweet ‘Jean-Luc’.

“You really need to know that I have no intention of becoming involved with anyone, in any type of romantic endeavors for the foreseeable future.”

Okay, a bit of a wake up call, but still room for possibilities.

My ears are perked and waiting for his next words.

“I'm now happy and free, but yet very much wanting to continue with a program of recovery.”

My heart fell further as he continued to expand on the subject.

“I'm thankful that you've decided to continue looking for "that person" in your life. You need to know, I’m not that guy.

I hope you find what you are looking for and know that I value our friendship even should you find that partner.”

My heart ached a little and that burning desire for a mate crackled, sizzled and began to disappear.

Out of the ashes, arose…the Phoenix, plaintively reminding me that love need never be a weakness or a place of harm.

Further soft caresses flow from its sweet beak as it whispers, “Love should stand as a pillar of strength, offering a soft refuge in a turbulent storm.”

I weep with longing for that which I seem destined to never have.

Back to bedbugs.

I diligently followed a program which unfolded alongside the 12 months of Christianity.

I entered June and July with a humble attitude, begging my Higher Power to remove my numerous shortcomings.

I knew my fantasies of Jean-Luc were quite unrealistic and bless his heart, he had been quite clear with me from the very start.

I began several lists expressing gratitude for having made connection with this rather enigmatic creature.

I would reach a certain stage, sense the emergence of ancient patterns and end up burning that list.

Each time he rose to higher levels of disappointment, invisible bands of restraint began to snap, releasing my heart to a realm I’d only dreamed of as a possibility.

My lively little visiting BB’s were the breaking straw.

They seemed to provide the reason for which many chose to avoid me and my abode and Jean-Luc joined the front ranks.

I actually agreed and held little resentment, rising out of my own struggles to evict these unwanted guests.

My 75th birthday became the catalyst for an amazing gratitude list.

At the very top was his name, Jean-Luc. As I pondered the nature of our connection, strong feelings began swirling in the pit of my gut.

I stopped writing, closed my eyes and began to pray…fervently. I looked out my window, saw a beautiful clear sky and knew that my wish for his health, prosperity and happiness were absolutely sincere.

Rabbit holes began to appear, swallowing many of my unrealistic expectations.

The most miraculous crevice yawned sleepily and swallowed most of my BB’s.

I sit with a blank slate and a small scrap of paper. On it are words that came from a fortune cookie I received after my birthday dinner.

It read, ”When one door closes, another will open.”

I smile serenely as gratitude expands throughout my being.

I know without doubt that in this moment, life is good 🙏