I NOW UNDERSTAND

At 5 years of age I remember everytime I chose to do something I was always stopped.

There would be tears I felt so sad no one in my family understood how I felt.

I felt trapped being the youngest child of five everything was done for me including speaking. I knew how to speak but kept silent. I had three older brothers Josh, Paul, Stephen and my sister Michelle who was the second youngest. Josh my eldest brother went off to the army and wrote to me often, he was the only one that seemed to understand me and always asked how I felt. I never felt confident enough to say what was really wrong. I felt that everyone felt responsible for making me happy.

I just cried a lot and got angry. As the years went by I was finally in my teens.

I made lots of friends at school and became very popular. I went along with what the norm was and followed the group of people that organised everyone.

Until one day I was told to bash another student Jonathan because he did not want to do what the popular group asked them. They told me I had to do it because I have to prove and show my authority to both them and the student who was defiant.

I was kept in the dark a lot about what they were really doing to other students. I felt sick and wrote my brother Josh and told him.

He wrote back and told me now is the time I have to stand out and show the popular group I have authority over my choices not them.

I felt terrified and told Jonathan what the others wanted me to do, I felt sick and ran home from school and refused to go back.

I was harrased constant by the group, I turned my phone off.

My parents Jean and Samuel were really worried and had no idea what to do, as this was the first time since I was five that I was defiant to my parents.

My parents always fussed and were afraid to upset me.

Michelle kept prompting and questioning me, she even went to the extent of provoking me to boiling point.

I then exploded into a lot of ranting.

I told my parents they were weak and ruined my life. Then I slammed my bedroom door shut.

I had no idea how to tell them what was going on. I did come out of my room for three days, I stuck into the kitchen when all was in bed.

My parents contacted the school and the schools headmaster filled them in on what was going on as Jonathan told his parents, what was happening.

My parents had several meetings with the headmaster.

The headmaster organised a program for the students and parents there were several topics on the act of bullying.

I did not attend the classes. I was not approached by the popular group, but received menacing glares for several months. I still felt angry with my parents.

I left school and got a job as an apprentice accountant so I would not have to be out in public, I hid behind a desk until I graduated.

It was my 21th birthday, my brother came home to celebrate with me.

I kept in touch with Jonathan and we became good friends. I admired his strength, and he was a positive influence on my vision I had.

My vision was to work out what went wrong and why I hated my parents so much.

Jonathan was great we talked a lot about his relationship with his family.

He was also the youngest of three.

He encouraged me to seek professional help.

When my brother returned from the army, I bought up the subject that I hated my parents.

He was not surprised. He then told me I nearly died at birth, I was born at 7months and the whole family went into overdrive and all felt responsible for my health and wellbeing

Mum and dad were terrified of losing me, they just overcompensated with my up bringing and your brothers and sisters followed suit.

Through counselling I learnt that we need to be proactive not reactive.

I know understood that my parent were in reactive mode and did not understand the difference.

I called a family meeting with my psychologist and my best friend and explained why I was so angry, but now I understand that you all love me very much. And I apologise for my behaviour and hope we can all learn from this.

Things improved immensely over the next few years, my sibblings and myself got married and all supported each other in giving our children the understanding they need.

Our parents had a new Outlook on life and enjoyed being doting grandparents. I had two children. My wife Sandra and I were able to teach our children to be proactive instead of being reactive we were also able to teach them to speak up, be themselves, and be a leader not a follower, unless they are following good examples. Jonathan had four children all girls, my eldest brother Joshua was the last to have children.

He has been a big part of our life and has been the best uncle and mentor.

He is no longer in the army but works at the local army base as an accountant.

My wife and I are child psychologists owning our own practice, we also attend parent evenings at the school to support awareness of early signs of bullying.

Paul has one child Sarah who is the oldest Paul and his wife Simone renovate homes.

Stephen has identical twin boys, we have encouraged him to dress them differently so the cant trick us. Stephen and his wife Danielle run a business from home computer repairs and a clothing business.

We have all chosen to live in the same suburb as our parents, there is a lot of support from family and also the community where we grew up.

My great friend Jonathan is also a psychologist who is practising in the local prison his objective is help prisoners to understand their responses to their childhood and what they can do with their knowledge and hopefully learn how to be proactive.

THE END