Blue Skye

The stars. That’s where this all ends. Not just one or two, but an explosion of them. Mine is tiny and blue and white-hot, but it doesn’t burn. It’s refreshing. Cleansing, in a way. Like I’m being washed in a silver waterfall . . .

I awoke in the dark. Moonlight filtered in through the open window. A breeze gently toyed with the bounded curtains. Two voices floated in from the other room, quiet but hostile. They were having another argument.

“—I just don’t think it’s fair.”

“Well nothing about any of this is fair, Noelle! Do you think that I wanted it to be this way? Any of it? But we’ve got to face reality. She’s not getting better, and if I can use her for the good of the caravan—”

“Use! . . . Are you even listening to yourself right now?”

The man sighed. “Is it so much for me to live? For me to want us to live? If not for this one thing, she’d have nothing else to offer.” 

“That’s too simple, Claus. And cruel. She loved you.”

“And I loved her! And she’s gone now. The her that loved me is gone now.”

Through the doorway I could see the girl, Noelle, shaking her head. “This is wrong. Putting her in danger, treating her as if she were a child? It’s all wrong.”

The floorboard under my foot creaked. They turned as if I were an intruder. I stepped out into the room.

“I heard yelling. Is everything okay?”

Noelle rushed over and draped her arms around me. “Come on, Skye,” she cooed. “I’ll tuck you into bed.”

We escaped back into the room, into the darkness, and beneath the covers. She asked how much I’d heard and apologized for Claus’s behavior, but she’d drifted off to sleep before long. I couldn’t be angry. I couldn’t blame Claus for feeling as he did. Our circumstances were, in fact, impossible. And unfair.

See, at some point in my past, there had been an accident. Whoever I was before that moment, disappeared. The world was a strange and foreign place now, one in which I woke up every day needing Noelle and Claus to remind me who they are.

Noelle still had hope. She loved to show me the same picture of us and claim that we’re sisters, even though my dark mat doesn’t resemble her auburn locks at all. Sometimes, I retain her memory if something deep enough happened the day before, but that wasn’t enough to convince Claus who was less optimistic. 

He was my fiance, or so I’m told. I’m not sure if that’s what we still are. I’m not so sure he likes the new me. He seems to believe that whatever that was inside me that I’d lost was never coming back. 

I turned to Noelle and stroked her hair, wondering if I’d remember her tomorrow. These types of fights usually helped my memory. I fell asleep unsure if she had comforted me, or if I was the one doing the comforting.

We awoke early the next morning. I recognized Noelle. She’d been tear-stained and upset last night. In the other room, a tall, muscular, and handsome man sat on a chair beneath a window. He felt so familiar, but I still needed to hear a name. Claus passed me the same pained look he always gave me.

“Blue,” he greeted sheepishly. “How you feeling today?”

I didn’t answer and stared at some smudges on the lacquered dining table. Noelle urged us to sit as she served us breakfast. For a moment it was quiet. The tapping of forks and spoons filled the silence between us. Then Claus turned to me.

“So, we’re going on an expedition today. Brooks, our leader, thinks it's about time we move on. How about it, Blue. Care to join us?”

“Sure,” I answered stiffly, trying to recall if he invited me often.

“Oh sure, leave me to do all the housework. Fine. I see how it is.” Noelle crossed her arms in a pouty sort of way. She didn’t mean it, of course. They called it sarcasm. But, there was a heaviness to her gaze that reminded me of the mood last night.

We got ready immediately after breakfast. He taught me how to wear a gas mask and hazmat suit. Then we set out to meet the other townsfolk.

A man approached Claus almost as soon as we emerged. They shook hands before he turned to me.

“Skye,” he said with a nod. I nodded back. I knew who he was! Brooks. Except, for some reason, my memory of him involved a salt and pepper beard that was speckled in blood and dust. 

He stepped aside and introduced me to the three others that would be joining us. Brook’s right hand, Hung, a blonde named Charlie, and our game hunter, Rodrick. None of them would meet my eye save for Charlie, who smiled with a wink. 

Brooks took point as we left with Claus and me taking up the rear. As we made our way out of the lush and beautiful web of trees, I slowly wondered less about what I had done to offend them all and worried more about why the world around us was falling into utter decay. The further we ventured from our small caravan, the more brown and dead and polluted everything became. I sidled up beside Claus.

“What happened here? Why is it like this?”

He sighed. “Not that I haven’t repeated this to you many times before, but this is our world now. We screwed up, Skye. We destroyed everything.”

“How?”

“It wasn’t just one thing, to be honest. The warning signs were there, but we refused to act. Now mother nature is collapsing, and she’s taking us down with her.”

I fell silent. A part of me was happy that I didn’t remember humanity falling into Armageddon. 

A few hours later we decided to make camp. They built a fireplace on top of a pit that had been burned before. Everyone sat in a circle to watch Brooks cook some eggs and slices of meat that Hung had brought with us. I sat the furthest away, still uncomfortable with the lot of them.

Just as thoughts of being an outcast was starting to settle, I realized this wasn’t the first time it’d occurred. I looked up, and it was suddenly like Deja Vu. I heard the clank of a pan and the sizzle of the eggs and Brooks’ distinct cursing of the gods echo mere seconds before it happened. I minded the groans and saw the upset faces and drank in the wonderful scent of bacon fat before looking up and cursing myself for allowing the sun’s glitter through the trees to hit my eyes again. There was a smirk and a shrug as Rodrick leaned over to Charlie and said, 

Just our luck. This is —

“What we get for inviting the witch again,” we both said in unison, and then we looked at each other.  

This was the part where I was supposed to run off feeling hurt by the things he said. Instead, I stood up and calmly walked away. I followed the path through the woods I’d once stumbled through, but now knew which branches not to trip over. I could hear Claus’ footsteps behind me, yelling the same, “Come on, Blue! Don’t take it personally. They were just kidding!”

I fell into a sprint and turned into some foliage that hadn’t been cleared away yet. I couldn’t let him catch me before we happed upon it. I wanted to see the look of amazement on his face when we stumbled upon the deep blue and bright green and the frothy white of a waterfall. He caught up with me and we crashed through the brush. He was irritated and perturbed, but that quickly faded when I pointed my finger and he realized he was hearing the sound of fresh, running water.

The small lake, like a blue marble, was impossibly clear. The trees at the top were still vibrant and beautiful. I released the notch of my mask, and he protested until he saw me take in a big gulp of air and not fall to my feet breathless. He waited just a few moments before taking his mask off too. He was completely awestruck.

“Oh my god, this is a miracle! I didn’t think places like this could exist anymore.” 

He knelt down by the water and glanced at his reflection. There were fish — colorful fish whose genes were not contaminated by massive amounts of radiation. He stood up and looked at me again, and there was a kindness in his eyes I was not used to seeing.

“You did it again,” he said with a smile. “How did you even find this place? How could you know this was here?” His hand cupped my cheek, and a rush of heat washed over me.

Once again the words escaped me. I grabbed my arm self-consciously, unsure of what to do with his affection.

“How do I know anything? I just remembered that we’ve been here before.”

The smile on his face tightened, but he pulled me in to kiss my forehead. 

“Come on, let’s get back to the others. We have to tell Brooks immediately.”

They were in disbelief to hear the news. It wasn’t that I remembered. It was just the logical thing to expect. After we showed them the area, and Claus demonstrated that he could take off his mask, they came to the quick conclusion that we needed to move the caravan here asap. The journey would begin tomorrow, as early as possible so that we’d have enough daylight to set up the tents and campers. 

The walk home was much more inviting. Hung and Brooks were much more chipper and friendly now that I had been their salvation again. Of course, I wasn’t sure exactly what they were talking about. I didn’t care enough to ask.

That night, another strange dream formed in my subconscious. I walked to the entrance of our caravan. Charlie was there, waiting for me. He was dazzling to behold, with the wind ruffling his yellow curls and the torchlight reflecting in his blue eyes. He was not so happy to see me though. His expression was somber and dark.

“It’s your fault we perish. Skye, you will be the death of us all.”

I shot up out of bed. My heart was beating in my ears. My breath was harsh and heavy. Claus and Noelle were cuddled snugly on the other cot. Neither of them stirred. Quietly I tiptoed out of the house and made for the spot where I’d seen Charlie. Sure enough, he was there. I did not think he was so handsome as in the dream.

“I presume you already know why I’m here,” Charlie said in a thick accent. 

“Yes,” I nodded. “You somehow think I’m going to kill us all.”

“I don’t think,” he said, pivoting his heel and coming closer. “I know.”

“Oh yeah? And how could you possibly know such a thing?”

He reached into a pocket and held up a small moleskin. Then, in my dream, I could hear him telling me.

I read this every morning to remember who I and everyone in this town is. I know who you are, Skye Owens, and I know all about your little ability.

I glanced up into his smug face.

“Remember?” was all he said. Then it hit me.

“You’re like me.”

“Bingo.”

I was astonished. “How is that possible?”

“I’m not sure. Like you, I don’t remember anything that happened before. I only remember what happens in the future, and in the future, you’re the reason why we all end up dead.”

I frowned. “That’s not possible. I don’t wish death upon any of us. The end I see is just . . .” 

A burst of stars. An explosion . . . I suddenly stared up at him again.

“I know you don’t do it on purpose, lass. This very conversation has assured me that you’re as good-hearted as the rest of ’em. Which leaves me only one thing to do.” 

He walked back to the entrance of the caravan. He slung a pack over his bag and rested a gas mask on the top of his head.

“Where are you going?”

“To stop you, or to try to, anyway. Only choice a lad in my position has.” He turned his back to me.

“Wait!” I yelled, perturbed. “You can’t just leave. It’s dangerous out there!” 

“I need a head start on the rest of the caravan to rid of all the dangers before they rid of us.” His gaze softened then. He even smiled a little. “Fear not, lass. I’ll see you in a day.” Then with a wink, he was off.

I returned to the treehouse dazed and restless about the encounter. As I laid in bed, thoughts I constantly tried to fight off came back to haunt. 

I wondered what happened to me. And to Charlie. I wondered why I couldn’t remember the past, and why I could only remember the future in snippets. I tried to force myself to see anything other than stars. I tried to force myself to reveal if I would see Charlie again. It was like trying to recall a dream that had already slipped away.

The next morning the whole caravan was packed and ready to go by first daylight. We moved along, chugging at a much, much slower pace than yesterday’s expedition team. I was anxious. Was a good thing we were taking so long or was Charlie in danger this very moment hoping we would hurry and find him? I overheard he’d left a note saying he was going to scout our new home, but no one seemed too concerned. 

The closer we got to our destination, the more this sense of dread settled into the pit of my stomach. Why couldn’t I remember? This gift that I had. It would feel more like a blessing if I could actually use it instead of feeling like it was using me. 

Noelle came up beside me, linking her arm into mine. She spoke about how she’d heard from Hung that miracle girl had managed to find the safe space again. I didn’t tell her about Charlie. I didn’t want to spread this sense of panic that was growing inside me.

It was dusk by the time we reached yesterday’s campfire. The sun had sunk much faster than we’d hoped, and chopping through the last bit of trees to get to the lake was daunting even to the bravest. None of us had seen Charlie, and that fact seemed to only nag me and Brooks, who kept glancing upon the horizon with worry. They ordered us to make camp, and Noelle pulled me along.

“You’re not getting out of housework this time,” she said with a snort.

When our tents were set up, Noelle passed out almost immediately. Claus minded the food at the bonfires, and Hung and Rodrick managed the oxygen tanks. It was the perfect chance to slip away.

I weaved through the foliage holding on to calm. It came to me again, this feeling that I had done this before, and it was like I was stepping into footprints I’d left for myself. The waterfall came into view, and in the light of the full moon, my eyes drank in its silver spray. I took off the gas mask and sat next to the water.

The scenery was bringing it all back again. The feeling of Deja Vu I’d been trying to force all day suddenly returned with ease. I closed my eyes and allowed the memory to take my mind.

I was walking again, this time up the side of the waterfall. It was simpler the first time. I wasn’t looking for Charlie, just a better view. When I reached the top, I followed the horizon of the world around me, trying to differentiate between the darkness of the trees and the darkness of the sky. I walked backwards towards the cliff. My foot felt the soft give of the Earth into a metal pressure plate. 

My eyes flashed open. I jumped to my feet knowing that it was no longer my foot that I had to worry about. I rushed up the side of the hill as fast as I could, fighting the fire in my legs and lungs. Before I came to the top, the world rumbled and roared and erupted beneath me. I was stunned. I couldn’t hear. I was flying. I was falling, and for a long time, I wasn’t sure I was even conscious.

When my wits returned, I realized I was in the water, staring up at the sky. I lifted my head to the echoes of wailing in the distance. I saw Brooks again, in my mind, his beard red and salt and pepper. Rodrick was screaming, unable to move the cart of oxygen tanks that had fallen on Hung. Noelle was still asleep in her bed, and I knew she would never wake up again. Before I could see anyone else, I let my ears sink beneath the surface to a place of quiet. 

I didn’t know if I still had my limbs. I didn’t want to check. I didn’t think I could feel myself moving my extremities. The water was so, so cold. Have you ever touched a piece of ice so long it burns? That was what it felt like. A burn that felt good. That felt cleansing, because it was better not to know. I floated on my blue star for a while, wondering if I once knew the names of the constellations surrounding me.

Then I closed my eyes and drifted away, sinking into the sound of the silver waterfall.