Unwritten Goals

I thought about it so much this past week. My friends have the usual resolutions: "I'm going to quit smoking!", "I'm going to work out every day!", and other things that never work out after day two. I used to be that type of guy but this time, I've really thought about what I'm going to write down, what I'm going to promise myself, what I'm going to promise James.

Some people use new year resolutions to post online and show people behind the screen how much fun they're having, how successful they are, and what a good role model they are. Last year, I was at a New Year's party with my good friend Linda. The host, Henry, asked everyone to come to the party ready to announce their resolution. Linda and I were out on the balcony drinking some beer and chilling. Linda usually dressed really nice for parties.

"So, fattie, what is your new year's resolution?" she asked with a friendly smile.

"Firstly, I'm not fat, I'm at the border of being normal and overweight," I replied with a loud but friendly tone. "Plus, I don't even have a resolution. I haven't even tried to think of one." Linda sat upright in her chair with a semi-shocked look on her face.

"Why not? You wanted to come to this party for two months now and you haven't at least come up with a lie?"

"I dunno. I guess I'll just see how this ends up."

Long story short, when it was my turn to announce my resolution and I said I didn't have any, I got laughed at, mocked, and got garbage thrown at me with a side of boo's (excluding Linda) as I sulked out of the room.

Don't feel bad for me; I was used to that sort of embarrassment. It meant nothing to me. The point of that brief story was that people are so used to flexing their resolutions that they put others down because they have stuff that they want to do but can't even keep up with for a week. Earlier in the week, on the 27th of December, something happened that made me choose a whole new way of thinking of a resolution. I actually already had my resolution planned out but I went to others and online to find ways for me to actually keep up with my resolution instead of practicing it for just a couple of days - something that most people wouldn't do. 

I asked some of my friends, including Linda, and some of them didn't even know what sort of advice to give me. Luckily, I still could depend on Linda.

"Maybe you could put up a chart on the wall of your bedroom and mark every day you practiced your resolution," she explained.

It sounded like it would work but I still was up for some more advice. I decided to call my brothers, Thomas and Gregory if they had anything in store for me. I called Gregory first but he didn't seem too interested in the subject. I then phoned Thomas, hoping that he would care enough to help me out. Luckily he did, which was ironic because Gregory usually was the helpful one when we were kids and Thomas was the complete opposite.

"Just do it as if you didn't have a plan and any day that you don't do whatever you plan to do, you can punish yourself. Like if you don't meet the required amount of pushups for the day, you could ban yourself from going to McDonald's, ya fattie." Thomas laughed as he hung up. It wasn't anything unusual for any of my siblings to do though. But it was good advice and I was going to take it. I called my mom next, quite confident that she was going to give me the best advice possible. She didn't pick up the phone though. I tried calling her again but still no answer. I did this for about 10 minutes until she finally picked up.

"Mom, I was calling you for forever. What were you doing?" I asked.

"Oh, sorry James. I was just in the shower. What did you want to talk about?" Mom sounded like she was in a rush.

"I just wanted some advice."

"Okay," she said as she hung up. 

Within a minute or two, I start receiving a bunch of positive encouraging images that my mom had piled up in her phone from ages ago. It was ridiculous but I still took my time to look through all of the images to see if I could find the perfect piece of advice. Out of coincidence, I actually found what I was looking for. I was excited all through the week. I would wait for the party this year. I texted Linda saying that I had a surprise for her at the party.

At last, the glorious night came. The stars seemed brighter tonight than ever before. I was really confident as I strode through the door. I dressed up really well for the party, which is really unusual for me; I usually go in crappy clothes. Linda looked me up and down before commenting on my choice of clothing.

"Is this your surprise?" she said.

"Very funny Linda. In fact, I have a bigger surprise for you tonight." I replied.

"Is it related to the resolution announcements?"

"My mouth is shut," I said, making a horrible British accent and pinching my lips.

The party seemed more fun than last time, probably because I didn't have a banana peel stuck on top of my head yet. But besides all of that, the punch wasn't red-colored water this time and the cupcakes were actually edible. Then the time came, the moment I had been waiting for the entire week. Ironic as it was, everyone announced the exact same things as last year with an apology on the side. I shook my head in disappointment at each and every one of them. Linda looked at me and laughed. She was the only one that chose a different resolution. 

Then it was finally my time to shine. Everybody giggled as I walked to the front of the room. I was suddenly filled with anxiety and embarrassment and trembled when I heard the sound of whispers in the crowd. Finally, I took a couple of breaths and prepared myself for total humiliation.

"I don't have a new year's resolution," I said in a confident tone, regardless of my nervousness.

Everybody burst out laughing and I couldn't tell where Linda was in the crowd for mental support. I probably would've gotten it if I had told her what I had planned. I felt overwhelmed with sadness and forced back the tears.

"Looks somebody didn't change from last year!" Henry laughed in the microphone.

I wiped my tears and my face became red.

"And neither did any of you," I said angrily. "Haven't you heard or seen anyone here when they were telling us about their resolutions? If you feel I'm the one you pick on because I don't have one that I'm not going to follow through with like everyone else, then Buddy, you are sadly mistaken."

I went to leave the room, planning to never come back until I remembered something I wanted to say.

"By the way, the reason I don't have a resolution is quite simple. I plan to make myself a better person all through the year, not just at the beginning."

And with that, I walked out. Apparently, Linda followed me because she was worried.

"James!" she called out

"What?"

"I just wanted to say... that that was a nice surprise," she said with a shy smile.

"Thanks." I smiled back.

That only happened yesterday and yet, I still wonder if I made an impact on anyone there, especially Henry and Linda. I got a lot of surprised faces from the audience when I left. I now turn off the TV when I hear someone proclaiming their "new way of life" and I switch apps when I see someone posting updates on their status about their resolutions. Even after all of that though, I still technically made a resolution, just nothing that others would understand.