millenia normalcy

The new year isn’t much of a celebratory event for me, hasn’t been for a long while. New year celebrations are just that - a party to begin a new year which, personally, I’ve always thought of as a sort of arbitrary designation. The new year could be any of the 365 days. Thinking on it more, I think a more accurate designation for a new year would be a birthday, since it’s celebrating actual new year of life. But none of that is important, and I don’t mean to rain on anyone’s parade. It’s a good enough excuse to have a few drinks and meet up with friends and family, and to take a break from working. We all need a moment to catch our breath sometimes, to refocus and recenter. I’ve built myself into a well-oiled machine, but there are still times where self-doubt sets in and threatens the life I’ve so carefully crafted. Back a long time ago, New Year’s Eve was when that cloud was darkest, but it’s gradually become something that happens irregularly, sometimes at the most unexpected times.

Even if I wanted to celebrate New Year’s Eve, I don’t have anyone to celebrate with, so I choose to spend my day like I would any other - wake up, eat, sit on YouTube for an hour watching cat videos, do some cleaning, eat, watch more cat videos. After my third hour of videos, I close YouTube and open up my workspace. Despite my efforts, I always manage to fall behind schedule at some point, and squeeze in a bit of work even on my days off. That too, I guess, is just part of life. I work as a freelance artist - I’ve been doing it for many years (more than you’d think), and it’s easy to keep myself anonymous. An online alias and any sort of social media platform makes a simple base of communications, and is much more accessible than when I used to do traditional art and used snail mail. I still dabble in good old paint and paper, but I do enjoy working digitally more now. There are tough clients here and there, but the work is generally enjoyable and I like being able to stay at home, in my cozy apartment with a good view of the skyline. Apart from my clients and customer service associates, I don’t interact with many people, nor do I have anything to talk about or celebrate. The only things I recall celebrating as of late are my birthday and reaching a client milestone, and even those were small scale. Pretty lowkey lifestyle, I’d say.

I guess another reason why I don’t celebrate New Year’s Eve is because I don’t really like change. I never have, and I’ll probably never get used to it happening. Although I’ve changed apartments a few times for various reasons, I’ve worked the same job, slept in the same bed, visited the same bar, used the same soap brand for what feels like millenia. I suppose I’d say my motto for my lifestyle would be “if it’s not broken, don't fix it”. I like the life that I’ve built up. We all have hiccups sometimes, but I’ve never been through one big enough that I’ve had to turn my life upside down. I’m thankful for that, because I honestly have no idea what I’d do in a situation like that. I’ve spent a long time going through the same routines that I’ve never really considered that it could all go wrong very quickly. Even thinking about it now I get shivers. Many might call my life boring and uneventful, but that’s just the way I like it. Personally, I’d call it rhythmic. It’s like listening to your favourite songs over and over again, occasionally finding a new one to add to the mix or deleting an old one. I’ll stay in one city, maybe find a new restaurant that I like, or cut ties with client that requested something outrageous. Ups and downs come and go, but disasters are rare and I cross my fingers every day that one won’t happen.

The last reason, perhaps the biggest, why I don’t celebrate New Year’s Eve is that I’ve been through too many new years. It’s the same thing every time, whether it’s drunkards on the street or influencers of all types, proclaiming “new year, new me!” and proceeding to make the slightest of changes. I don’t mean to discount the efforts of those who really do strive to change - for those who take the steps that many of us do not, I applaud you. But for the rest of us, we are simply being swept up by the flow of time and seizing whatever hold we can find, to find solace, some familiar scene, in the years that go by faster and faster. I’ve grown tired of it. I’ve planted my roots in a spot that I like, and will stubbornly fight the river of time for as long as I can.

We’re approaching 2020, the new decade, as everyone’s saying, but after centuries of life, neither new years nor new decades have much impact. Now, a new millenium, that may be worth celebrating, but I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. I’ve lived through revolutions and through wars, but there is still so much more that I have yet to see. To me, New Year’s Eve isn’t something worth celebrating, because there are other things far more worthy of my attention. I walk the same streets and see different things. I live the same life and get different clients. My life hasn’t changed much in all the years I’ve walked on this Earth, but the world certainly has. I save my celebrations for the conclusion of a war, for the end of oppression, for the start of acceptance, for the beginning of harmony. In the decades I’ve lived, those stand out much more, while yearly celebrations sort of fade out into monotony. I’ve been around for a long time, and will stick around for more, which is why December 31st isn’t New Year’s Eve to me - it’s just December 31st, another day on the calendar, and another day worth living.