Ordinary to wonder !!!

Submitted into Contest #51 in response to: Write a story about someone who's haunted by their past.... view prompt

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“I really need you to listen to me very carefully”, a croaky voice shocked me. I turned a saw a figure standing in front of me with fully covered body and it seems like just a head pop out from the hoodie or blanket or sheet. I have no idea on what was that. That figure was quite terrifying as I was standing there alone. I turned at the right and noticed that the shopkeeper who was helping me was busy with other customers. The eye of the man was droopy and he looked cool, calm and collected which made me want to listen to what he was trying to say.

               “Listen, Jamie. Please don’t try to interrupt while I am talking as what I am going to say is an absolute paramount.” I was anxious and started shaking like a leaf not sure if I am shivering because of the cold in the mall or because I was really frightened. I nodded and he continued,” The family that you are leaving with currently is not your family, they have just adopted you. This is not even your world and you are just misplaced over here. You must know your real identity and what are your abilities.” My heart started talking, “Is he some kind of a crazy man that escapes from the mental hospital or is he trying to create attention?  Also, he is going to kidnap me or something?” I started laughing. “It’s expected. It would be hard to anyone to believe this but it is the undeniable truth. I hope you don’t mind following me for a few metres and you will get what I meant. “, he said. I hesitated, though I followed him just for NO REASON!

               He walked, walked and walked and I just followed him without knowing my path if it’s to the heaven or hell until he stopped at the zebra crossing and said, “Jamie, close your eyes ! “ I think my brain wasn’t working because I did whatever he said until I even closed my eyes at the middle of the busy road. Then……

               A snap woke me but I couldn’t really open my eyes and I felt like it was a sudden episode of cold weather but not till being frozen. My body felt like being covered by water but I was still breathing as normal as always. It was laborious to open my eyes but I did tried. When I opened my eyes, I felt like I was being in a totally different planet, but no I was in the same planet. What changed was my land life became underwater life. I was having tail but no legs which allowed me to swim and my attire looks like some kind of fairy costumes. I was totally out of thoughts and felt vacant. The man who brought me here came in front of me and said, “Jamie, this is your world. Your mother is the queen of this kingdom known as ‘The Aqua’. But, she had been kidnapped by the other devil kingdom which is called as ‘The Red Ville’ for her skin because she has a very precious skin which could heal people’s life even when they are dead. So, tomorrow is the 300th full moon day and your mom’s skin is going to be cut by them which means she is going to be dead. So, you are here right now to fulfill the vacancy in her seat and also safe her. It’s going to be a mega war between 2 kingdoms for the first time ever in the history of the underwater lives.

               I was taken aback for a few seconds. I felt very confused like the roaring of the waves. I took some time and I shoot a question to him “But how could I save her? I’m just a random, ordinary 18-year-old girl.” He burst into laughter, “Jamie, you aren’t an ordinary girl. It’s just that you aren’t sure about your power my dear. I will show your power and explain furthermore, also tell you what is needed to safe your mom, so no worries! Follow me.”

              What does he mean by no worries like I just have no idea if I’m on a dream?! My brain was blank and just followed him. He explained things crystal clearly and I got to know about my powers. I felt frisson. “Jamie, by the way, I am your original father!” he said. I melt into shockness and happiness and hugged him, “Dad!!!” Whatever he, I mean my dad said was really spine-tingling. I prepared myself for the mega war and learnt many powers and tactics from the other underwater lives and also my father.

               The awaited day came and I felt really nervous. I even felt very new My body was shaking and I even felt hard to breathe at times. I reached the “Red Ville” kingdom. It was surrounded by many forces. I used my disappearing power, crossed all of them and entered the main door, where my mom has been trapped and the place where the king of that kingdom lives. Myself and the king had a great fight and I finally managed to rescue my mom. For the first time ever I am actually doing something that satisfied me a lot. I cried looking at my mom and gave her a very big tight hug. “Jamie, you are a child who can make wonders! This kingdom needs you more than me or even your dad. You should be the next heir of this throne.” My mom picked up the throne and put it on my head. It was like a great function where 1000s of underwater lives celebrated the time when I got the throne. I felt really happy, excited and responsible. Till now, I couldn’t imagine what has actually happened. I was leaving an ordinary live who gets scared for every single thing, but now being as the wonder woman who won a mega war and belongs to the throne of a big kingdom!

July 23, 2020 14:44

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2 comments

This story has a wonderful premise, very imaginative. There were just a few things I wish to discuss on the matter of making this story even better than it already is. 1) A few grammatical issues here and there which can be easily remedied by running a copy-paste of the text through Grammarly, reedsy's free editor, or something other of that nature. 2) I noticed there were a few, like two, words that were used as the wrong part of speech. "Paramount" and "frisson" are the ones on the top of my head. Paramount is an adjective used like ...

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15:49 Aug 01, 2020

Thank you so much. Really appreciate the initiative that u took to correct my story. I will work out more on those vocabularies and grammar.

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