A bad deal, I guess

"So, what's the catch?"

I was often described as smart by me classmates and family friends. Asking thousand questions, grabbing everything in my sight, reading a lot. My Mummy always said, I will be something great when I grow up.

This wasn't one of my smart ideas (I barely have these nowadays).

And maybe (just maybe) I'll never grow up (but just maybe. Nothing's granted).

The man in front of me looked at me like a maniac. What, did he thought I would just agree?

I'm a stupid Fool, not dump.

And this man called himself doctor...

"What do you mean 'catch'?", he asked, as if he he'd never heard that word before.

I rolled my eyes. "You know, you made made me this great deal-"

(it wasn't in any way great)

"-and you want me to believe, that there's no catch?"

"You are giving up your rights as a human! I don't know what catch there should be, you don't get any benefits in the first place. Do you even understand what I say?"

Yes, I do.

And it's not like, I didn't thought about that. That I'm like 'oh yeah, being trapped with a bunch of monsters is so cool. I'm going to abandon my family and friends for this psychos, so I can become one of them'.

And here's the list of reasons why this is NOT true:

1. I'm a goofball, not a Ted Bundy Worshipper

2. I hate horror movies, monsters, demons, cannibals and everything what is monetized at Halloween

3. This was my plan and not just some teenage stupid idea

It's necessary. A great sacrifice so that everyone I know can live (except for me, but who am I? Michelle Obama? Britney Spears? Scarlett Johansson. I'm not someone special or anything)

"Yeah, kind of rough, I guess", I answered instead, like it is just a teenage stupid idea. "atleast I don't have to deal with my parents anymore."

Ouch. The words hurt my mouth more than the doctor could imagine (or anyone in this hell).

I love my Papa, I love my Mummy. They're the most loving and supporting parents in the world, they made me the person I am today.

And that's the reason I'm sitting in some secret organization to sell me in.

"So, you're doing this...voluntarily?"

As much as you can do if you're only other option is to let the (your) world die (and who are you to let the world die?)

"Yeah."

The apathy of my voice scared me. What person will I become?

(or what monster).

Dr. Shelton said nothing but his eyes told everything. His look was interested, he wanted to know the why, the reason I'm doing this.

But he'll get a hard time getting it, promise.

"With this statement, you'll loose your human identity. From this moment on, you're nothing but a number. Do you understand?"

I breathed slowly. Nothing but a number.

Hard words, right?

(I'm not scared. Not even in the slightest ways am I, the snarky dump Teenager, scared. Why would you think that? I'm that confident, someone like me isn't scared)

He wasn't joking and I knew that but...in my heart I'll stay me, Mareesha Jenna Chaudhary, the fifteen year old girl from Galway, who likes dancing and dreams about the ocean. Right?

I'm not going to be just some number, right?

I will still be Mareesha, right?

I'm a person, a good one

(I guess)

(I hope)

Promise.

" Yes, I do."

Three words that changed everything. My whole identity was erased within this second. Mareesha swapped with 510.

I closed my eyes. What they would tell my parents? That I died? That I'm a runaway? That I'm kidnapped?

Would they say anything at all?

"510, come with us to your new cell", a jailor said. I didn't noticed when he entered the room. The world kind of died for me as Mareesha died.

The number hit me like a meteor. So this is it. This is the life I choose (kind of).

I didn't want to be taken, didn't want to be touched, but I didn't resist. Everything for the greater good.

Everything for my family.

Everything for Mareesha.

(who I am. Is it scary to talk from me in the third person? Maybe. Maybe not. But Mareesha is dead, so it's justified, right?)

(Damn it, I hope this doesn't turn into a habit)

My body didn't felt real as they grabbed my arms and went with me a floor down.

They put me in a cell like a criminal (or a manic). Bright light bathched me into this new existence, into being 510.

(that's what you wanted to do, right, Mareesha 510? You chose that existence, you can't blame anyone. It's your choice).

The cell was soulless. It was too small, too white, too 'not-for-teenage-girls'.

(or for anyone)

Silcene hunted this room. My mind shifted from nostalgic memory to the next one, but I tried to focus: What could I do to fill the emptiness in this room and replace the voices in my head?

I found a little spot next to my bed to pray. My parents always told me to this if something bad is happening, if my goodness is tested.

My head hung down. The only thing that could save me is a miracle.

(No miracle will ever come)

(Espacially not for me)

Tears freed themselves from my eyes. For the greater good, remember?

You're nothing, but when you can save them all, you have a purpose in life. You can be useful.

Mareesha didn't had a purpose. She wasn't useful for anyone. But 510 will.

"Please leave me my sanity", it prayed quietly, begging for the only thing it wanted to keep after loosing everything else.

(even before this moment I wasn't 100% sane, but that doesn't matter).

(and of course, I went completely nuts from there on so I guess my prayers were kind of useless).

(but they made me feel better, wich made them useful again, I guess)

(Damn, I should stop to talking to myself. That just proves the fact that I went crazy after this day).

(My psychologist will hear about this)