WHAT WAS IN THAT PACKAGE?

     One Saturday morning, Bill Carter found a package sitting on his doorstep. Brown paper wrapping covered the entire box. Bill examined it, then looked up and down his block, searching for whoever delivered the package. He didn’t see anyone.

         “Ethel! Ethel!”

         His wife appeared in the hallway.

         “Yeah, what do you want? I was in the middle of sorting the laundry.”

         “Were you expecting a delivery?”   

         “What are you talking about?”

         “Come here. There’s a large package on our doorstep.”

         Ethel walked towards Bill. “A what?”

         Ethel stood beside her husband and stared down at the package.

         “What the Hell is this? Did you order some more expensive exercise equipment? Equipment you will never use.”

         “Ethel, if I had ordered it, why would I be asking you about it, dear?”

         Ethel shrugged. “Hmmm. There’s no address, return address or postage. So how did it get to us?”

         Bill shook his head. “I don’t know. Let me ask the kids.”

         “What could they be ordering in a big box like this?”

         “I have no idea, but I’m going to find out. Betty! John! Come down here, please.”

         John arrived first.

         “Look at this, son.”

         John didn’t see the package at first. “What?”

         “This package on the doorstep.”

         “What about it?”

         Bill sighed. “Do you know anything about it?”

         John shook his head. “Not me, Pops. It ain’t mine.”

         Ethel corrected. “It’s ‘not’ yours.”

         “Isn’t that what I said?”

         “Listen, John,... Ethel slowly began to explain, but she was interrupted by her daughter.

         “Betty, do you know anything about this package?”

         Betty squinted, then lowered her glasses. “No, not at all.”

         The Carters stood staring at the package.’

         “What are we going to do, Bill. Should we bring it in the house?”

         “No, no. We don’t know what’s inside. Suppose it’s a Unibomber copycat.”

         “You think it might be a bomb, Dad? Or maybe some kinda poison, huh?”

         Betty laughed. “You’re such a dope, John.”

         “Don’t you think he’s a dope, dad?”

         “I’m not so sure. Of course, you know the family across the street are from Suadi Arabia, right?”

Ethel looked at Bill. “What are you trying to say?”

Bill raised his eyebrows. Betty and John looked at each other, suppressing their laughter.

Bill cleared his throat. “You guys laugh, but those were Saudi”s that brought down the twin towers.”

“Dad,” Betty began, “the Khans have lived across the street for over ten years. John and I went to school with their kids.  They are more American than anybody I know.”

“Does the term ‘sleeper cell’ mean anything to you?”

Ethel shook her head. “Bill, are you standing there telling us that our neighbors and good friends are secretly terrorists? Are you kidding?”

“Look. Step inside all of you. It makes perfect sense. They move into a typical American community and ingratiate themselves while learning our customs. And then, bam!”

         Betty chuckled. “Dad, I don’t believe that.”

         “Yeah, Pops, that’s sort of over the top, this whole terrorist thing.”

         Bill shook his head. “I hope I’m wrong, but I don’t think so.”

         “let me get this straight, Bill. Do you think the Khans had this package delivered to us? Why?”

         Bill eagerly answered. “Don’t you see, that’s the genius of it. The package is purposely delivered to us. An unmarked box, mind you. But, of course, later they’ll come over and claim it was accidentally put on our doorstep. So they take the box home and do God knows what.”

         “bill,” Ethel said as she patted his hand. “You know this whole conspiracy theory is nonsense. The Khans are no more terrorists than we are.”

         “Look, all of you. I’m not crazy. That box has terrorist stuff in it. I just know it.”

         “Let me make us some breakfast and think about this, huh, Bill?”

         Ethel filled the table with platters of scrambled eggs and bacon.

         “What, no toast?”

         Either glared at her son.

         “Remember, the toaster is broken. But you can always use the oven. In fact, make us some oven toast.”

         “Ah, man,” John said as he pushed himself from the table..

         “Should have kept your mouth close, little brother.

         “Betty!. What have I told you about teasing your brother? Maybe you should join him, huh?

         “I’m sorry, John. I’m sorry, mother.”

Ethel and the children began to fill their plates. Midway through, Ethel noticed Bill wasn’t eating. She reached across the table and held his hands.

         “What’s wrong, Bill. Stop worrying about the box.”

         Bill sat back and let out a sigh.

         “Excuse me, I gotta go do something. As the family sat around the table eating, Bill returned. “” I’m starving. Let me at those eggs.”

         He reached in placed a pile on his plate. He’d just swallowed his last mouthful when the doorbell rang.

         “I’ll get,” Bill said.

         Ethel recognized the voice at the door. But it couldn’t be him. Ethel left the table and joined her husband at the door; she looked up at Bill and then at their guest.

         “Good morning, sheriff Tofts. what brings you here this morning?” She asked as if she didn’t know.

         He removed his cap. “May I come in?”

         Tufts stood by the door. “I’m here because Bill called me about this mysterious box you received this morning.”

         “Yes, yes. I’m sure it’s just a mistaken delivery.”

         “Well, “ Tufts said, twirling his hat on his fingers. “What Bill says makes a lot of sense.”

         “What, Ernie? You’ve known the Khans along as we have, and you can believe they’re terrorists?.”

         “No, I’m not saying like that, but Bill here could be right. All I’m saying is it can’t hurt to be cautious. I got the county bomb squad coming to take a look.”

         “The bomb squad? Are you guys serious?”

         “Wait. Here comes Phil Khan and his wife. What did I tell you? They’re coming over to reclaim their package. Hide behind the curtain, sheriff. Let’s surprise them.”

         Ethel shook her head and whispered, “I don’t believe this.”

         Betty and John came out of the kitchen.

         Bill wheeled around. “Go back in the kitchen, kids. It might get dangerous.”

         Ethel escorted the children back into the kitchen then rejoined her husband, peering through the window. As the Khans stepped onto the porch, they looked at the box. They rang the doorbell.,

         “Nobody move,” Tufts whispered.

         Before the Khan’s could ring again, the Bomb Squad car came to a screeching halt in front of the house. Tufts opened the door with his gun drawn.

         “Police! Don’t move!”

         At the same time, the Bomb Squad officers, with guns drawn, climbed up the steps. The Khans, visibly shaking, stood there with their hand raised high above their heads.

         Bill stepped out, grinning.

         “W-What is wrong, Bill.”

         “Your game is up. We know what’s in the box.”

         The bomb Squad officers moved the gathered crowd to a safe distance. Then, cautiously, they opened the box. An officer reached inside and removed another box. As he walked down the stairs towards the Khan’s, who still had their hands in the air, he asked. “What is this?”

         Mr. Khan answered. “Last week, our good friend, Bill and Ethel’s toaster broke. When they came over to my house, they admired our toaster. So we decided to surprise them and get them one like ours.”

         The crowd moaned; the police officers shook their heads. Ethel bowed her head. Bill fainted and lay spread eagle on his lawn.