Confidence

“I promise it is way easier than it looks, you just have to go for it!” 

“I don't know Charlie art is not really my thing.” I pouted as the words left my lips. My brother has always tried to get me to be like everyone else, have a normal hobby, dress normally, be in a clique, but that's just not me. I appreciate that he cares but I wish he would understand that I am not him. He is the jock with the cheerleader girlfriend and a huge group of friends, the classic high school boy. Only I know that's not who he really is, really he likes to write stories and make art and play his guitar or dance around his room while listening to Taylor Swift. Truly I think he cares so much about me being weird because he doesn't want to have a weird sister but I like who I am. Sure I wear band shirts, jeans and a hoodie everyday but that doesn't mean I am not interesting. I know the whole periodic table by heart and I do math for fun, if that makes me uninteresting I don't care. 

“Emma, you say nothing is your thing, I am trying to help you, why can't you see that!” He stormed out of the basement and slammed the door at the top of the stairs. He does this a lot, every time I don't want to do what he does he gets mad and leaves, it's like I am his project. The only time he actually leaves me alone is when his girlfriend comes over. They really are a power couple, he is the tall quarterback with brown hair and green eyes, and she is the short skinny blond, blue eyed head cheerleader. Most girls would do anything to be her but not me, I don't see her as someone I would like to be, I just see her as a person, and like every person she has flaws. Her big ones aren't what you would expect, her main one is her unrealistic expectations for everyone but mostly herself, she wants to do so much but she is  doing so much already, she is head of the cheer team, volunteers on weekends at the soup kitchen and  she tutors people after school on Mondays and Wednesdays. The next biggest flaw is her inconsistency with everything. She will call off the relationship and then the next day ask Charlie to come over, or she will fail multiple tests and then ace the next few. After that they are just minor things like her dirty room or inability to hold a conversation. However none the less I put up with her.

My mother says everyone has flaws, and my favorite thing in the world is to analyze those flaws. Every year my dad takes me to the Psychology Convention in Boston, we live in Quincy, Massachusetts, which is super close to Boston, it's like the convention was put there just for me. Charlie never understood my fascination with the human brain, maybe that's a good thing because I analyze him all the time, when he is nervous he tends to look down and to the right, but when he is sad he looks down and to the left. These are the things that intrigue me, why are our brains wired to convey our emotions so openly. The human brain is a masterpiece. 

I walked upstairs after cleaning up what was left of Charlie's failed attempt at making me him, I heard the T.V. which meant dad was home and I had been in the basement for quite a while. My mom was still in the kitchen cooking supper so it wasn't too late. I ran upstairs to my room for my notebook and a pen, black ball point to be precise, it is the best for taking quick notes, I then ran back downstairs to sit at the island and watch mom as she did what she loved most, cooking. I observed everything, she doesn't quite smile but her face is not neutral, her mouth is slightly upturned and her eyes crinkle slightly at the corners, she is focusing. She grabs all her red hair into a tight ponytail before she looks up at me. “Oh my Lord, Em!” she jumped back a bit and placed her hand on her heart, her green eyes opened wide, as did her mouth, surprise. “You gave me a right good fright, stop sneaking around like that and make some noise next time.”

“Sorry mum, observing you without you knowing is the best way to collect data.” I really did feel sorry but I had to observe her. The science fair is next week and I only have three pages of data. She scowled at me and I knew it was time to go. I went through the arch way into the living room. My dad had his feet perched up on the coffee table, his eyes were slightly closed however the rest of his face remained neutral. He was watching some action show but from his body language he wasn't all that interested. 

I went back upstairs as I had about as much research as I could get at the moment. In my room I began to enter the information I had just collected into the document I created of my project. As I was doing this I heard a guitar coming from across the hall. I quietly made my way across the hall to Charlie's room, all of the best data can be collected when people are in a state of focus and relaxation at the same time. With Charlie he closes his eyes and sways slightly, he bites his bottom lip and taps his foot, the lip biting is him focusing and the eyes closed is him relaxing. It is amazing that humans have the ability to do both at the same time. I slipped out of his room before he saw me or yelled at me to leave. 

My science project is on just how much body language affects a conversation, and it really changes a lot. If an actor just stood still and tried to display anger without any facial expressions or body language the audience would probably not understand. I observe everything everywhere I go, and school is a gold mine for body language. I read all of these different emotions off of people and it is really very interesting to see. 

The rest of the night I work on my report then fall asleep. In the morning I wake up to my mom screaming at me to hurry up because there is only five minutes until the bus arrives. I throw on whatever clothes I can find, grab my bag, and some toast and head out the door. I get there just in time Charlie is getting on the bus just as I get there. He doesn't acknowledge me at school or in the vicinity of it, which I am fine with. That way people don't know who I am so I can research in peace. The bus is filled with lazy eyes and tired faces. I sit in the third seat from the front, alone, it gives me time to make sense of my research. 

At school there are a lot of smiling faces but very few real smiles, real smiles reach the eyes. My locker is number 215, not far from the doors or the cafeteria, a nice in between. My friends know I like to have the morning to observe so they only find me after the first break which is perfect for me. As I walk the halls I see many flirty gazes accompanied by crossed arms or nervous lip bites. I rarely see anger but when I do it is important to capture, good thing I was near the cafeteria, Ella Fay pushed open the doors with, what can only be described as rage, Troy Finn was chasing her and screaming her name, her lips were pushed in a tight line and her eye were open wide, her arms swinging wildly. Everyone moved out of her way, mouths agape they stared, surprise written all over their faces. Troy’s eyes were soft, his mouth was filled with Ella's name as he ran down the hall, desperation and sadness, a terrible combination, he did something he regrets. I didn't care what it was about. I only care about my data. 

I entered the cafeteria, saw my friends and sat with them, most people would say we were the outcast but we weren't, we had a table meaning we were above the people who sat on the floor. They were discussing the Troy, Ella drama, and I studied their faces. No one looked surprised, some looked angry and others looked sad, Troy cheated on Ella with one of her friends, even I knew that was bound to happen. I left the table as I had collected all the data I could from them. The halls were really the best place to be, well unless my brother was walking through them. 

I nearly ran into him as I exited the cafeteria. His relaxed demeanor changed the moment he saw me, his muscles tensed and his mouth tightened into a line, he was disgusted and annoyed. I don't care that he doesn't talk to me, but this is so much worse. I wish he would just not acknowledge me at all rather than this. He walked by me and did not look back. The whole reason I have taken on this project is so I can display myself as more confident. Stacy, Charlie's girlfriend, gave me the idea, well not directly, she told me to at least try to look confident so here I am figuring out how. The football players display confidence in the way you would think, standing tall, head up, chin out, but there are other ways to display it as well, like Ms. McGuire, the science teacher, she smiles, a real smile that takes up her whole face, her back straight, and laughs most of the time. Confidence is a tricky thing but, master it and you win. 

The rest of the week goes by like this, the same everyday, until science fair. I was so excited, mom drove me to school but Charlie wanted to take the bus. My poster was yellow, which displays confidence. I practiced all night the night before, I was so ready and excited. At school I was directed to the auditorium, I found my spot, number 15, I was ready, I wore an outfit Stacy picked out for me, a white polo shirt and a pink pleated skirt. If I am being honest I really liked it and felt very confident in it. The judges all came by and looked at my project, seven in total, they all displayed interest and focused as I explained. At the end of the day we are all told to take a seat and wait. The anticipation grows as they count the points of each person. They start with the freshmen until they get to my year, Junior. “Our second to last group, this was the closest one, in third palace we have Ms. Michelle Fredrick!” As Principal Smith's voice ended, cheers and applause erupted around me, Michelle made her way to the stage and accepted her metal, pride range through her. “In second only three point behind first, Mr. Finnigan Taylor!” This time the cheers were even louder, I couldn't breathe. I was scared, then I remembered body language and calmed down. “Now in first place we have an amazing study that took the breath away from some of our judges, Ms. Emma Chamberlain!” Whoops and cheers erupted around the auditorium. I got pats on the back as I walked up to the stage, head up, chin forward, confident. I was bestowed metal and the trophy. 

My mom picked me up after school and she was so happy. We went and got cake and had my favorite food, lasagna. I was so happy, Stacy came over too, I asked her if she would mind taking me shopping, to which she said of course. That night was so much fun we played board games and ate cake and went to bed with smiles on our faces.

The next day Stacy picked me up and took me to the mall. We went to American Eagle, the Gap and a bunch of other stores. When we got home she helped me pair everything. I’m just going to say it I was hot, I have always been skinny but I never realized that I looked so nice.

When I walked into school on Monday I walked confidently, I could feel the eyes on me, people actually got out of my way instead of them getting out of mine, and when I passed Stacy and Charlie in the hall they actually asked me to walk with them. I ate lunch with the football players and cheerleaders and the whole time all I could think was just how fake they were. That's when I realized, I am so glad that my friends are so authentic and we don't hide anything. During lunch I just got up and walked back to my friends who welcomed me with true genuine smiles, and I returned the same kind.