They say that if you ask God for a sign when you are in an impasse, he often gives it to you in the most unexpected way. Not that I'm not a believer, but I've never felt exceptional enough to receive special attention from the highest authority in our universe. But when my phone rang that morning, all of my outlooks suddenly changed.
It's probably cliché to start your narration with a phone call. This is just as cliché as the following story: you walk down the street - desperate from life and love, bitter and unhappy - when the perfect woman suddenly comes before you, crashes into you and boom, the flame suddenly ignites and you are both sure - this is the love of your life. Oddly enough, there still hover similar stories in the romantic notions of men and women. But anyway. A phone call is no less cliché than that of a soulmate. A call from whom? Most often from the national lottery to let you know that you are very lucky. Or tax - with the opposite verdict. Or maybe some psycho who prepares for your murder if it's a thriller. But my call was different.
I was just on the edge of my powers and did not know how to continue in this situation of lack of money, a job and any kind of perspective for life, on top of that I had lost my inspiration and completely blocked (in the last 6 months I had not written a single line, and for a writer this is an excellent reason for suicide) when this happened. I was already thinking of contacting my ex-psychotherapist because the panic attacks were becoming more frequent, I had forgotten what a peaceful sleep was, and my stomach had just stopped digesting anything, vomiting everything I absorbed, and my weight dropped dramatically. My boyfriend was also out of work and we could barely make the rent using our last savings. Every day we quarreled or just kept silent and closed in different rooms. I started to wonder what we were doing together. Maybe none of us had the strength to end the relationship, because in the whole situation of failure, at least we had a shoulder to cry on.
At such times, one usually turns to God, even if they do not believe in him. I do not know where the idea came from, but I decided to visit the largest church in the city, not because from there the Lord would hear me better, it was just right in the center and everything seemed to revolve around it. I stood in one of the dark corners from where I could see the falling light through the high windows of the ceiling. I focused, entered myself, and concentrated my energy as much as possible so that my desire could reach the sky. Isn't that what you do generally? I was so desperate that at one point I just stood there, looking up and crying, saying: please, please! I asked him for a sign because I did not know what I was doing wrong and where to go in order to put an end to this vicious circle in which I was spinning like in a centrifuge. I don't know if he heard me, but when I came out, the air seemed lighter and peace had settled in me.
Of course, the same night I quarreled with my boyfriend and he even told me that he could not stand it anymore and that tomorrow he would pack his things and leave me. I couldn't argue, I myself had repeatedly imagined that day and him leaving with the load on his shoulder. He slammed the bedroom door shut, and I had no courage and desire to lie down next to him, so I just stayed in the living room. I fell asleep difficultly. Obviously, tomorrow I would start a new life. I didn't even know how much longer I could live in this apartment. What would I pay it with? Then somehow I fell asleep.
The phone woke me up. It took me a while to find the strength to get up, but that call struck me. The voice was male, but very beautiful, as if there was something alien in it, something angelic. He told me:
- I am Jesus. I heard you lost your way?
- Excuse me!?
- You don't know where to go and your life seems like a nightmare.
- Who is this?
- Jesus. My father sends me to help people who have been given a mission and should not waste their time in purely human weaknesses such as depression and despair. He has prepared for you a happy destiny but first you must earn it. You know very well what this is about. Father does not give talent to everyone. He chooses those who are worthy to handle speech in another way, not like the rest. Remember when you were third grade and you wrote that great essay to which all your classmates applauded?
- I remember. But...
- Remember when you wrote your first poem and you couldn't believe that you could write so well?
- I remember.
- Then why are you doubting your talent now and plaguing yourself with questions, related to money and work? Would you have time to write if you worked all day?
- No.
- Then don't complain about poverty and don't look so negatively. This man next to you also has talent, he just doesn't know it yet. Therefore, he has been given to you to show him what he has. He painted you once and that's how he won you, right?
- Indeed, that's what happened.
- Then why not paint now? Because he doesn't believe in his talent. Go and show him that this is his calling.
- Currently we can't even buy paint and canvas.
- You don't have to buy them, they will come on their own.
- How?
- Do you believe it?
- I...
- Do you?
- Yes.
-Then don't ask questions, you'll see that they'll come.
In a little while he will rise and with reluctance and not much determination will start to pack his things. Don't say anything. Make him coffee, serve him without looking at him. Then pull out the sketch he painted for you on your first date, you keep it in the bottom drawer of the closet behind the bedroom door. Give it to me. Remind him how beautifully he used to paint. Tell him it was important to you. He will still go out. When he does, he will find brand new oil paint and canvas near the trash cans on the corner. He will curse out, but then he'll take them. During this time you will be out. Make sure he understands this. You will go to the park and find a bench illuminated by the sun, on which you will unexpectedly write a story. It may sound silly, totally cliché, but do write it. To do this, get your laptop. You will go online and send it to the first competition that comes on Google. It is not accidental.
When you get home, your friend will have painted his great picture and will be happy and pleased. He will thank you. Your connection will get stronger. In a week, the results of the contest will be revealed and you will learn that you won $ 50. But not only that. They will start looking for you and order you articles and texts for money. Soon it will be for a lot of money. Just never lose your faith. Father doesn't like whiny people. Did you understand everything?
- Mhm.
- Good writing!
And he hung up. I still didn't know if I was dreaming or if it had actually happened. I decided not to think too much because I had lost everything anyway. My boyfriend got up and really did start to collect his things, as Jesus had said. I made him coffee and did all the procedures as instructed. On the way out I saw him standing in front of the trash cans and wondering what to do with the paint and the canvas. I walked across the sidewalk so he could see me coming out, and I acted as though I didn't notice him. Then everything happened as predicted. I can't believe it, but here I am holding in my hands the first $50 of the contest. What does this all mean?
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