My Sister Is Drawing

It's almost the end of the year, and my sister is drawing.

I don't understand. She had all month to draw an end-of-year drawing, but she appears to have taken her time because here she is now, drawing frantically right before our midnight dinner. I don't think she's going to make it, either way.

I sit down, and continue typing on my laptop. She doesn't budge, aside from her hand holding the tablet pen that is drawing on the tablet attached to her laptop. She's always been very good at digital drawing, and in fact she likes to do it quite often. Right now she's drawing something celebrating the end of the year, something that would have been appropriate on a postcard or on an artsy calendar. Well, if it weren't explicitly depicting her favorite anime characters.

“Don't disturb me,” she tells me, and then says no more.

I sigh. This is what I get for even breathing in her direction.

This is how we've always been these past few years. Ever since she began to work, she's been talking to me less and less. Not like it matters to me. I don't talk to her that often either. We share memes from time to time, and we used to be close. However, unlike what my mother says, I highly doubt that a new year is going to bring us closer together.

My sister pauses in the middle of her drawing, putting her pen down. Then she gets up and goes to the bathroom.

I glance over at her drawing. The line art is stellar and crisp. It appears she's been in the middle of coloring, so the drawing still looks a little wonky. However, it certainly is better than anything I could draw digitally. I look back at my laptop and continue browsing the Internet.

However, my thoughts begin to wander, even if only a little.

We did use to be close, didn't we? We used to share the same interests, play with our toys, write fanfiction about our favorite cartoon characters. Somehow, I yearn for that sort of connection from her again. Does she yearn for that same connection with me?

I don't know. I don't know if I want to know.

She comes back from the bathroom, and sits down at her laptop and tablet. Then she continues drawing once more.

“Nice drawing,” I try to say.

My sister grunts in response. Though she does nod. That's progress, I think.

Meanwhile, our mom is fussing over things in the kitchen. I wonder if I should help her – she's trying to do something before the year ends, too. A midnight meal doesn't seem like an easy feat, either. But I can't bring myself to open my mouth to ask her if she needs help. Besides, it seems like she's got it.

My mom and I aren't so close, either. Or at least, she thinks she's close with me. I, however, would not consider me so close with her. My sister does kiss up to her, however. I think that's part of the reason why we don't talk so much anymore – I don't want to consider myself friends with my mom.

And yet, I think my mother considers me her favorite. And I don't know why I wonder why my sister doesn't like to talk to me. Classic case of favoritism in the family.

My sister continues to draw, and I still can't understand her. But I want to understand her. I don't even know the anime she's drawing for. I would have liked to know.

Do I?

I can't stand this, this wishy-washy attitude of mine while I scroll through the internet. I have to do something. I have to say something. I look at my sister again, and open my mouth.

“I told you, don't disturb me,” my sister says.

So much for hoping. I look back at my laptop, and continue scrolling. My mother doesn't say anything, either.

The hour passes without much activity. I am bored, and it probably shows in my narration. The social media sites barely catch my attention with their posts designed to catch other people's attention – I suppose that is ironic, in a sense. But I don't think about it too much. It's fun to mindlessly scroll. It's not taxing on the senses, unlike the lack of conversation between me and my sister.

My mother calls on us to prepare the table. I suppose that's the call that our midnight meal will begin. I stand up from my seat and close my laptop, before putting it to the side. Then I look at my sister. She's only drawing more furiously now.

“Wait, Mom,” she tells our mother.

Our mother doesn't take the bait, however. I walk around the table as our mother says, “Can't that wait until later?”

“No, it can't,” my sister says. “I want to post this before the year ends.”

My mother huffs, but I ignore the unsaid frustration on her part. I just take the plates out from the cabinet, and take them to the table, where my sister is still sitting, trying to draw. I wonder how far she's gotten. I put the plates down, and wander over to her side of the table. Then I look at the drawing. It looks much cleaner now. It could probably pass for finished. But then my sister looks at me.

“I'm going to eat soon, I have to finish this,” she says, a little angry.

“I'm just looking,” I tell her. Now I'm annoyed, too. I walk back to the plates and begin to set the table.

Is that drawing really required? Does my sister need to honor the arbitrary boundary between this year and the next when one part of the world enters the New Year earlier than the other?

Why will my sister honor this arbitrary boundary, and not the bond that used to exist between me and her?

I place the plate down beside her, shoving it towards her laptop a little aggressively. I don't want to carry this anger with me into the New Year, but I suppose it's better than being passive to my sister's ignorance of me throughout the rest of the year. She doesn't respond, and she only draws more. But I think she gets the message.

If she won't be my friend, then won't she at least be a decent family member and help me set the table?

I don't know what I expected, anyway. My sister was always more focused on things that were personal to her. I don't know if I count as personal to her anymore. Sometimes I think of asking her, rather passive-aggressively. But I hold my tongue. If I don't matter to her anymore, then she doesn't matter to me anymore.

No matter how much I wish I would matter to her.