Niagara Falls is for honeymooners, isn't it?

If I don't tell this is Non-Fiction, likely no one will believe it.

I guess it ain't right to blame them. As I looked out the rain streaked window on Don's van as we headed south from the Canadian side of the Niagara Falls Border station I had some real mixed feelings seeing the Red and Green STOP and GO lights on the Customs Booths. A week out in the woods devoid of officialdom smoothed out some of the feelings I was having. I could not say “I never want to see this place again, ever.” But to a man, all six of us felt nothing but relief was we clears the border even if the soooo polite Canadians offered us coupons for poutine at Tim Hortons on the American side of the Customs Station.

Truthful it is or was, before the Internet Age, good policy to carry a book you are reading in case of unexpected delay. It this case it could have meant a three day to 10 year detention, seemly depending on the roll of the dies as determined by the Canadian Border Security Services.

Now every border crossing gives you a little anxiety, but these guys were nice and efficient. Pretty easy, usual questions, what you gonna do, where you gonna go, you got any guns? “Guns?” “Yes sir we are going bear hunting up north.” OK, pull over here so we can inventory them so you can take them back out without paying tax on them.”

We opened our gun cases and they took down the serial numbers of all of them and input them into their computer system, which is interlaced with the American NCIC, National Crime Information Computer. No big thing. So we go to case up our guns, OK, but then the Border Security comes over to my truck where Donnie Jr is riding and another one goes to Don's van. Then the fun starts.

“Sir,” he says to Don, “ We are going to have to detain you, and your truck for a search and seizure.” That phrase was enough to freeze your guts when you hear it as in a Border Crossing. You literally have next to no rights as you were used to them. I hear him say the same thing to Don. “ You are transporting two stolen rifles,” he says to Don and me as we stand there, ready for handcuffs. Well I want to sink through the floor, and Don turns ashen white. Flabbergasted, we are ready to give back our dinners.

The Border Security guy addresses Don and me: “You have two stolen .30/'06 Rifles, Remington Model 700's, stolen in Media, Pa, on December 19, 1978, from 721 Fourth Ave, Media, Pa 19063”

I see Don and I don't know if he is gonna go ballistic or fall down laughing. Very impolitic to fall down laughing, so not an option.

“That is my home address, Sir!” I know the Border Security guy is thinking: “ What will criminals say next ?” Don speaks up: “ Both rifles?” Yes Mr. Tilkins, both rifles.” Border Security guy starts to show a bit of confusion. “May I please see your driver license Mr. Tilkins ?”

Don pulls out his license very slowly, and under the glare of the flashlight the address is so clear. “ Don Tilkens DOB 4/19/39, Address

721 Fourth Ave, Media. Pa. Commonwealth of Pennsylvania Validated

4/19/1979.” Donnie Jrs License reads the same, save for Jr. Confusion sets in.

“Gentlemen, stand fast, you are not free to go.” Our hearts are doing 120 miles per hour, tummies pole vaulting, one of the Brown brothers apoplectic for he has served time before but had his record expunged, confides: “ Man I was worried if they saw my record they were gonna cage me right then and there!” I thought maybe we were home free, but not. Now things start to get sticky. Two Border Security guys and a guy in a suit come over.

“We have to detain you for possession of stolen property, and until we straighten this out, you are detained here, and your vehicles are seized for impound, transporting stolen goods.”Windy, dark, and spitting rain lightly, I got a word for this:” SCARY!”

I thought Don's eyeballs were going to do a complete somersault in their eye sockets. A little shaky, but with some level of certainty

Don speaks up:” Yes a burglary ring was operating in Media in 1977 and 1978, Nick's place was broken into while he was in Vermont, and they got his Ruger .357, later recovered and returned to him after the trial, as were my guns, the Remington 700's right here.” The guy in the suit spoke up, apparently in charge: “ True as that might be Mr.Tilkins, our law requires us to seize all stolen guns that cross into Canada. Do you have a receipt or other paperwork from the guns that them Pennsylvania State Police returned to you to you ?”

Don looked like he was going to shrink to about 8 inches tall,

shaking with nervous tension. Stupid me, I have to speak up :” Any way we can expedite this, you got ten people standing out in this cold, wet wind, getting no where?” Don speaks: “ When they gave me my Remington 700's back, I ask them was this straightened out and they assured me they had removed the entries from the NCIC computer on the PA.State Trooper computer. ” Mr. Suit guy steps up : “ We cannot violate our law, unless you can provide proof these guns are not stolen property.”

Everyone was happy that Don did not lose it when Mr. Suit Guy let that out. Don very slowly pulled a business card from his wallet and passed it to Mr. Suit Guy. “Reginald Pastori, Assistant District Attorney, County of Delaware.” Please look at that card, Reg is they guy that gave me my guns back. I will pay for the call if you will please call him, please, save us immense issues on both sides, please?” “Ah Mr.Tilkins, no need, let me get one of my operators to try to connect to see if we can resolve this, ehh?” “Call his home number please this is his game night and bowling should be over?” “By all means Mr Tilkins!”

“Hello, this is Pastori household, Tara speaking.” “Hello this is Randolph Rivens, Her Majesties Officer for Border Enforcement, may I speak with Assistant District Attorney Reginald Pastori?” “I am sorry,” Tara said but Mr. Pastorini is not home yet. Is this official business, may I ask?” “Yes Mz Tara, I am in the company of one Don Tilkins, whom by accidental oversight seems to be in possession of stolen firearms now seized by the Crown until this matter can be resolved.” “Tilkins, ah Don, he is our plumber, and this must all be a mistake. I expect Mr.Pastorini home within the hour, is there a way for him to contact you?”

“Yes please Mz Tara, please write this down for him: Area Code 416, Local Number 389-9111, and I am Randolph Rivens, standing by for his call. Thank you ever so much. Good Bye.” Don hearing that looks pretty crestfallen but still hopeful. Ten thirty PM, in the rain, wind about to match the temperature in the low 40s(F) and people are starting to shake and shiver as they get hypothermic. Mr Suit Guy walks to a trailer where someone is summoning him for a long distance phone call. He takes the call on the extended stretch extension cord and we can hear him in contact with Reginald Pastori. “ Yes I know Don well, what is the problem?” Well apparently he has in his possession several guns stolen from and restored to him, do you know of this?”

“Yes I do, is he in trouble?” “Well yes, while he will not be criminally charged with a crime, but we cannot dismiss his and his parties detention until we can assure that the guns are not listed as stolen, can you expedite this for us?”

“No Mr Rivens, I am afraid that is not a power I am authorized to exercise. Have you contacted the Pennsylvania State Police Barracks at Granite Run, this is their jurisdiction. I think one of the commanders can access the National Crime Information Computer from their facility. Their phone number is 215 1911. You will want to speak with the platoon commander on duty. Thanks for calling, I hope you can resolve this as it seems an input oversight. Have a great night.” Click.

Mr. Rivens requests his clerk: “ Please inform them we are Canadian Border Security, and we have detained a group of their people for what seems an administrative oversight.” “Yes Sir Mr. Rivens.” Mr.Suit guy is summoned and handed the phone. “Hello, Mr.Rivens, this is Corporal Dugan, platoon sergeant, what is your case?” “Well Corporal Dugan as it was explained to me by Mr.Tilkins from your borough and I explained to Mr.Pastori of the District Attorney's office, Mr Tilkins and party are in possession of two rifles listed as stolen on your computer system. Can you confirm this please?” “Hold one Mr.Rivens, let me access the computer file Tilkins. Did you say T i l k i n s? 721 Fourth Ave, Media Pa 19063 ? Stolen December 19, 1978 ? Suspects apprehended, charged and convicted and sentenced for receiving stolen goods. Goods (3 firearms, 1 pistol two rifles recovered and restored to their owners).?”

“Excellent, then these are not stolen?” “Oh I hate tell you this, the pistol was recovered and restored to its owner, as were the long arms.

However, the pistol was taken off the Stolen Roster but the rifles not.”

“Well Corporal Dugan, this seems straight forward, can you please remove them from the Stolen Roster?' “No sir, Mr.Rivens, I do not have that authority, that rests with the Barracks Commander, Wm. .Johnson, who is off duty. Only that level of authority can remove stolen goods, I cannot.” “Corporal Dugan, what say you here?”

“Well Mr.Rivens, as I remember it, Mr.Tilkins father is hunting partner of Commander Johnson, whom I am sure would not appreciate being awakened at 2 AM, but that is the only reasonable way I can see to resolve this issue as long as Commander Johnson does not find out I suggested this, as well as young Donnie is his grandson.” “Thank you Corporal Dugan, I shall try to make sure your kindness is not revealed.”

Now we are all freezing, shaking and almost hypothermic, but Her Majesties Mr. Rivens has put us temporary in a billet, with some heat, bless him. He looks tired. “Mr Tilkins, please forgive me for this incident and bear with me. Commander Johnson of the Granite Run Barracks is the only one who can take your guns off the Stolen Roster.

I am informed he knows your father, and I guess would take a phone call from him. Would it be too much for you to call your father at 2 AM to attempt to resolve this situation ? This is the only solution Corporal Dugan from the State Police and I can figure out to get you out of here and on your way before daybreak.”

Don looks overjoyed and the rest of us look hopeful. “Thank you Mr.Rivens, I know I will never hear the end of this but let me call him now, I know he has Bill Johnson's phone, and CMDR Johnson will take Dad's call. Dial him up at 215 383 1432, and let me talk to him first.”

Don's on the phone: “ Yes Dad its 2 AM, and you never guess where I am.” “Yeah Don if I know your crazy ideas I'll guess jail.”

No Dad, but close. The Brown bro's, your grandson and me are detained in Niagara Falls by Border Security for my pair of Remington 700's that I got back after the robbery. “ So why are you calling me

Don, I don't know anyone up there?” Long pause. “ Ah, Dad,,,,Bill Johnson is the only guy authorized to change the status of property listed as 'stolen' on the National Crime Information Computer. No one lower ranking than him can do that. I know its a stretch, but I had to call otherwise I figure all of us will spend a couple,three nights in this slammer in Niagara Falls, and lose our deposit, six of us on the bear hunt. If Border Security has to work this out from here. That's why I am calling you !”

“Never ends with you does it Donnie ? Starting out with you shooting out your mothers bird feeder with the BB gun at age 7. Game season mix ups, now this ? Yeah I will call Bill Johnson now that I am awake, and before I have to explain to your Mother. Does Betsy (wife) know?” “No Dad, no one but you and the AUTHORTIES, need to know this know. I'll thank you to let me tell it to who needs to know when the time comes. Not that I know I will ever hear the end of this tale.”

And so the calls are made, and thereby hangs this tale, and Mr.Rivens of Her Majesties Border Security provided us all with chits to receive a free serving of poutine, fries and gravy at their mess facility before we left the Customs Complex. I don't think there are any official records of this except for phone calls. It wasn't a night for photo's lest we be arrested for that. We chowed down and coffeed up for our trip. We wasted no time in departing the Customs Complex, and drove till the sun rose, where upon we pulled up in a roadside rest and kicked back for about 2 hour sleep south of Buffalo before we re-commenced on our journey again. NEW YORK State Troopers stopped by to check us out as we snoozed. Our story checked out with OPP, and went on their way they went. So did we after a bit of a sleep in the vans. Gladly.