Destined To Love - Fated To Lose

The hall is cold and silent, broken only by the soft rustle of white robes and the echo of footsteps on stone. Rows of faces veiled in white stand shoulder to shoulder, each gaze locked on the raised platform at the front of The Center. At the platform’s center stands our leader, Evelyn, cloaked in pale blue. Her distant, unfeeling eyes sweep across the crowd as she stands above the council of twelve elders—the only visible faces in the hollow room. The deep lines etched into her pale face bear the weight of her years as she offers the crowd a measured smile.

Today marks my eighteenth year, the day I am assigned a spouse chosen by the council’s unyielding hand. I feel no joy, no anticipation—only the quiet weight of duty. While some look forward to their assignment, I only felt fear. And as for the second part of the ceremony, I felt absolutely nothing. A spouse was simply an obligation, not a pleasure. 

In the community, we are not given birthdays; we collectively mark our age by the Summer Solstice. Each member is marked a year older today, but this solstice is the most important solstice of my life. Today I will be considered a full member of the community. No longer a child. I will have a role; a purpose. Once you reach your eighteenth year, you are given your assignment as well as a spouse. This ceremony is where my life truly begins, or so they say. 

“Greetings community,” Evelyn says, her voice carrying throughout the crowd. 

The monotone response comes immediately, “Greetings Evelyn.”

“Today marks the most important day of your life as members of this community. Today each of you will receive your assignment and your spouse,” Evelyn says with perfect clarity and confidence, “Today our community will welcome all sixty of you as full members of our beloved community.”

“Names will be called in alphabetical order. As your name is called, you will make your way to the front of the room, and you will be given your assignment alongside your new blue robes that will mark you as a true member of the community. Once you receive both, you will find your way back to your current position and wait until the conclusion of the ceremony,” Evelyn pauses to look over all of the eighteens, “Do you all understand what is being asked of you?”

“Yes, I understand what is being asked of me,” I respond softly alongside every eighteen in the room.

“Very well. Once the first part of the ceremony is concluded, you will have one final evening meal with your family unit before returning here to receive your spouse. Once you receive your spouse, your veil of childhood will be removed.” 

In the community, everyone wears a white veil covering their face until they are given a spouse. Veils can only be taken off inside of your family unit’s residence. The veils are worn in childhood to represent purity and innocence. At the ceremony, spouses remove each other’s veils, signifying the end of childhood. 

As a young girl, I always enjoyed the puzzle of figuring out who the newly unveiled eighteens were. Only true community members are permitted to attend the ceremony, so I had to try and figure out who each person was. Yet as I grow older, the excitement fades, leaving me feeling unmoored. Last Summer Solstice, one of the girls I sat next to at the education center received her spouse, and I did not recognize her until a week later. I had known Beth my whole life, but I had never seen her face. Can you truly know someone without ever seeing them?

“Abigail. Gatherer,” A petite girl from the front of the room makes her way to the front of the room as she receives her blue robes, “Welcome to the community.”

“Andrew. Historian. Welcome to the community.”

Evelyn swiftly makes her way through the next ten names and my palms begin sweating as she makes her way through the names beginning with H. 

“Ian. Purifier of Hearts.” My brother stiffens next to me before making his way to the row of elders. My body stiffens, every muscle wound tight. The room fills with whispers and gasps. No one has been given this assignment for eighty-nine years. As he receives his blue robes, Evelyn’s commanding voice echoes throughout my entire body, “Welcome to the community.”

I watch as Evelyn’s icy blue eyes land on me. “Ingrid,” I hold my breath, “Educator of Youth” I exhale a sigh of relief. I quickly make my way up the aisle, trying to not trip over my long white robes. I stand in front of the elders and receive my blue robe. I look up to find Evelyn smiling down at me. “Welcome to the community.”

The assignments given to each eighteen continue until you reach age seventy. Once you reach your seventieth year, you are relieved of your role and get to live out the rest of your life in the community in peace. However, every ten years, twelve of the seventies will be chosen to serve as the next council of elders who decide the roles and spouses of future community members. The only other role in the community that continues their duties past age seventy is the Purifier of Hearts.

No one truly knows what the job of the Purifier of Hearts entails. I only know that the new children are brought to the old woman before being placed into a family unit. There have been many rumors throughout my childhood of what the old woman does to the new children, but none seem right. One boy named Linus, suggested when we were age 7 that she surgically removes a new child’s heart, cleans it, and replaces the newly purified heart. Although that never made much sense. Why would a child’s heart need to be purified? Purified from what?

“Our final assignment this Summer Solstice, Yvette. Scribe,” I keep my head facing the podium at the front of The Center, but my vision is blurred. What does this mean for my brother? My mind feels blank, and restless all at the same time. It is as if millions of thoughts are flying around my head, but they are moving so fast I can’t identify what any of them are saying. “Welcome to the community.”

As I take my place alongside my assigned mother, I peel back the white veil shrouding my face and allow it to drape along my shoulders. I take a piece of buttered bread from the center of the table as my father clears his throat.

“Ingrid, how was the ceremony?” he asks, his voice deep but soothing. Father has always been a gentle and kind man. 

“It went well,” I say quickly before taking a bite. 

My caregivers look at each other with a puzzled look on each of their faces. My mother then turns to me with a stern expression on her face.

“And your assignment?” My mother questions.

“I am an Educator of Youth,” I say with a small smile before taking a bite of my stew.

“So many people get that assignment.” Ian huffs out across from me. 

“There are no useless assignments in the community. Every true member serves a purpose,” my father replies quickly, setting his spoon on his table harder than necessary.

“Well, what assignment did you receive Ian?” Mother encourages Ian.

“I am Purifier Of Hearts,” he says quietly, looking down at the napkin in his lap. 

“Purifier of Hearts?” My mother says loudly. She looks at me and then my father before taking deep breaths, trying not to sound too baffled by the news.

“What even is a Purifier of Hearts? I have heard nothing but rumors my entire life.” He says looking back and forth between my caregivers.

“Your guess is as good as mine. The only people who know what the job entails is the current Purifier Of Hearts and Evelyn.” My father says watching Ian warily.

“The council of elders don’t even have that knowledge. You must consider it an honor to be chosen for such a duty.” My mother says sitting straighter in her chair before picking up her spoon. “Now, let us finish our last meal together as a family unit.”

“Thank you for my childhood, Mother and Father,” Ian says quickly looking at each of our caregivers.

“You are welcome, Ian,” they reply. They then turn their gaze towards me. 

I take a deep breath before I say the words I have feared my entire life, “Thank you for my childhood, Mother and Father.” 

“You are welcome, Ingrid.” My caregivers reply together before going back to the meal in front of them.

With those words, they release Ian and me from their family unit. They are now simply fellow community members.

After the meal, I silently go to my bedroom and pack my few belongings into my small bag. At the door, I take one last look at the room of my childhood. I know that I am not supposed to miss my family unit or my residence, but I feel some strange attachment to it all. 

“Greetings community,” Evelyn says loudly as a grin spreads across her face.

“Greetings Evelyn,” the community’s voices fill the open field. 

The second part of the ceremony takes place before the sun begins to set outdoors in the large field in the center of the community. All of the eighteens stand in their lines before the platform where Evelyn stands as our fellow community members gather around to watch the ceremony. 

“I believe we all know how the second part of the ceremony works, so I will not waste your time. As always, I will call the names of males in alphabetical order,” Evelyn says before bending down to grab the list of names. The sun dips low, casting shadows across the field. The summer air was thick with anticipation. I stood rigid, the weight of my blue robes pressing on my shoulders as I waited. I couldn’t stop my mind from wandering to Ian—what it meant for him to be the Purifier of Hearts. The unanswered questions gnawed at me, but before I could dwell too long, Evelyn’s commanding voice broke the silence.

“Andrew,” she called, her gaze piercing through the crowd.

The tall eighteen directly in front of me stepped forward.

“You have been paired with Ingrid,” she declared. My head snaps forward. I look to my left and right frantically. She must have made a mistake. I couldn't have been called first. The girl next to me nods her head toward the front. I slowly step forward and make my way to the aisle. My veil still hangs over my face, shielding me from curious eyes. As I approach the platform next to the tall boy, Evelyn’s smile deepens as she holds out the paper with our new residence location.  

He reaches forward to receive the paper. His movements measured; careful. He then turns to face me. 

“As leader, I declare this union whole,” Evelyn intoned, “your veils shall now be lifted.”

Andrew’s hands tremble as he reaches for the fabric draped over my face. Slowly, he peels it back. For the first time, people see the true me. They see the long blond waves that tumble down my shoulders. The blue eyes on the verge of tears. They see me. All of me. 

I reach for his veil next, hesitating only a moment before revealing the face beneath. He is handsome, but more than that—there was kindness in his brown eyes, a spark of something that felt dangerous in its unfamiliarity. His hair was messy in a way that did not seem unkempt but rather beautiful. 

“Welcome to the community,” Evelyn said, but her tone felt hollow. Her eyes lingered on us for a second too long before she turned to the next pair.

We then walk side by side to join the other community members watching the ceremony. As we stand watching the next pairing, I feel his eyes on me, but I don’t dare look up. I just need to get through this day. If I can just get through this first day all will be well. 

At the ceremony’s end, I walk alongside Andrew to our new residence—a modest home near the edge of the community. Once inside with the door shut behind us, we watch each other in the small entryway, unsure of what to say. 

“I suppose we begin our lives now,” Andrew finally says, his voice soft but steady.

“I suppose so,” I reply, but the words feel heavy with uncertainty. With that, I leave him standing in the doorway to find my bedroom before closing the door and falling to the floor, allowing my tears to fall silently.

Days pass. Routine settles over us. We wake up in our separate rooms, eat our meals together, complete our assigned tasks, and perform our duties as expected. Yet something within me had begun to stir—small, fleeting moments that defy the cold structure of our world. While walking through the community, Andrew would catch my gaze and smile, just slightly. His hand would brush mine as we cleaned the small kitchen. We speak in hushed whispers about our past lives—our families, our hopes, and the dreams we were forbidden to name aloud.

I had always expected my life after the ceremony to be dismal and plain, but this life with Andrew is almost… exciting. I know it is against the rules of the community to care for a spouse, but I can’t help it. I would find my thoughts wandering to him without my permission. While performing my daily duties I find myself wondering what Andrew was doing at the given moment. Was he thinking of me? 

Andrew’s daily duties included reading about the founding of the community and the laws that keep the harmony. He would often share his findings over our evening meals, even though it was strictly prohibited. 

It was a quiet evening, when everything changed. Andrew leans in towards me, his eyes filled with a longing that mirrored my own. “Ingrid,” he says, “we don’t have to stay here. We could leave. Together.”

My breath caught. It was dangerous even to suggest such a thing. Yet the thought of a life beyond the community, beyond duty and control, was more intoxicating than anything I had ever known.

“You are being nonsensical Andrew,” I say, meeting his eyes.

“Today in my daily duties, I learned why spouses are to not show any affection towards each other or children.” He says taking my hands in his own, “I read of the outside world. The communities surrounding us.”

I look down at our intertwined hands, “We are not supposed to touch. You know this.”

“But it doesn’t have to be this way, Ingrid. There are communities where spouses can embrace, even have children of their own.” 

“Andrew, you can’t speak of such things. It’s not allowed,” I grab my empty plate and place it in the sink.

He comes behind me and wraps his arms around my waist, “There is a word for what we feel for each other. It’s called love. I love you. And you love me.” he then turns me around and places his lips on mine. Warmth takes over my entire body. He gently pulls away, and my eyes lock on his.

“Where would we go?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

“Anywhere,” he replied. “As long as we’re together.”

The decision was made at that moment. We would run. Escape under the cover of night and build a life of our own—a life where our love was not forbidden.

But freedom comes at a cost.

The next night we planned our escape. The moment we turned the corner of our residence, we found Evelyn waiting outside. Her pale blue cloak glowing in the moonlight, her eyes cold and unforgiving. Behind her, the council of elders stood like statues.

“You have betrayed the community,” she said, her voice full of disdain. “And for that, there is only one punishment.”

“No!” I cry as the elders seize Andrew. He doesn’t struggle, but his pained gaze never leaves mine.

“Ingrid,” he whispers, “I love you.”

A blade flashes in Evelyn’s hand. Then, my entire world shatters. 

I don’t remember screaming, but my throat burns. Evelyn kneels before me, her voice soft and gentle.

“Do you see now, Ingrid? Love only leads to loss.” She strokes my hair, “I know your pain. I too lost someone I loved. I started this community when I was your age. This is why I protect the community from this pain.” Her words wrap around me. I can’t think, can't feel. There is only pain. The empty void where Andrew had been. “I can take away the pain Ingrid. Would you like that?”

“More than anything,” I say quietly as tears stream down my face.

“Then let us visit the Purifier Of Hearts.”

Evelyn leads me into the small hut that houses a single table and chair. By the chair stands Ian, holding a long needle in his hand.

“Take a seat, Ingrid,” Evelyn says as she guides me to the wooden chair, “You have seen the truth now. Love is weakness. And we cannot allow weakness into the community.”

As the needle enters my arm, cold rushes through my veins. The pain of Andrew flooded out by whatever the needle contained. And in its place, there was only cold numbness.

“I understand now,” I tell Evelyn as I rise from the chair. My voice, distant and unrecognizable even to myself.

She smiled—a true, satisfied smile. “I believe I have found my successor. My job is done.” 

Summer Solstice, I find myself back in The Center. I clear my voice as I look down on the new eighteens, “Greetings community.”

“Greetings Ingrid.”