My Uncle and I

We have similar but slightly different stories. We could relate similar experiences. 

“Do you know that it breaks my heart that I never knew my mother? I have never seen her. I don’t know how she looks like. The descriptions I have about her, I got them from some other people. Whenever I paid a visit to her hometown, her kindred do give descriptions of her.”

I have a different story. I know my mother. I can describe her although not very vividly. She was with me during my early childhood. Though there was a time she was away for six months then another a whole year. It was her second voyage that preceded the eventual separation from her.

“Most of what I know. Most of what I learnt. I knew and learnt them from my grandmother. She taught me all I needed to know. I was told she breastfed me. Some leaves were used to wash her breast so that she could lactate.”

I was privileged to be taught by my mum. She’s among those I dedicated my academic project to. She brought out the best and shine in me within our short stay. I was taking a wrong path. She helped me retrace my steps. I would have been a total wreck if not for her. She taught me how to be careful with my words, cautious and responsible. How I wish she stayed longer than she did. I still miss her.

“I do go with my grandmother to the farm. She was always walking ahead of me leading the way. She had a very sharp machete she always held with her in case we were accosted by strangers from neighboring towns who had something sinister up their sleeves.”

I have accompanied my mother to several places most of these are memorable. I still hold memory of them as fresh as yesterday.

“I had to drop out from school because she hadn’t enough money to pay for my basic exams. She was old and stricken in age and couldn’t go to the farm as she used to. She approached her friends. She also approached other people. None could help. No one could lend her money. She cried profusely. That landed me here. That made me learn a vocation. Though am not happy I wasn’t well read. I'm still glad I was able to make something good and worthwhile from the vocation.”

I didn’t drop out of school when my mother finally left. My father was able to do his beat. He aided me financially. After he left. After he bid us farewell, his brother was kind enough to step into his large shoes. He did his best. We weathered the storm together. It wasn’t a smooth sail for me. His business nose dived and everything changed. This lingered for a very long time affecting everything and everyone involved with him.

“After my grandmother died I had to go and stay with my father. It was a different experience and a different world entirely. It was a large family. He had other wives and other children. I had to familiarize myself to a new system and a different people. My father was the lord and king while we were his trembling subjects. Whenever he was enraged, we all fled for safety. His wives took their turns to serve him. If the food wasn’t tasty, it was a day of turmoil for them. I saw my father share his love for different women. I saw my father divide his attention for different women. I saw him steer a middle course whenever there was an argument between them.”

I had also lived with different people. I have had an itinerary journey. I have stayed with an aunt. She was raised by my father. He aided her through college. She asked me to come over after I had completed high school. She lived in a different state. I travelled down to meet her. I hadn’t embark on such journey before. She told her friend who had been transferred to that state to bring me along. We travelled all night to our destination. It was a different town, a different climate, a different people and a different culture. Staying with my aunt was both fun and gloom. She taught me courtesy and good manners. She also overstretched me not minding my yield point. She complained over trifles and was a times was indifferent. We had a fall out some weeks to her wedding . She said I wasn’t going to leave with her after she was married. As a result of that, I had to go and stay with my grandparents. My grandfather was married to another woman. He had separated from my grandmother before I was born. My mother didn’t tell us the cause of their separation neither did he. Living with him was a different world entirely. So different from staying with my aunt. I didn’t have the luxuries I had staying with my aunt though I had the opportunity to meet my extended family. It was also a training and discovery ground for me. I was able to discover and harness my talents and skills. Someone, a visitor who had come to stay for a while once asked if I was a relative to my grandparents. She was taken aback when she was told that I am a grandchild. She said I wasn’t treated as one. She said grandparents drool over their grandchildren. I later had a fall out and left.

“Losing a sibling is a hard thing. I could remember losing my half brother. He was playing and running. He fell and hit under his lip on a kettle. The wound was treated but still got infected. He later died. Till date I wonder why the wound still got infected. His death is mysterious. Well, probably if it were now, with the advancement in science and technology, he wouldn’t have died. Another death that shook me to my foundation. Till date I haven’t fully recovered from it and I don’t think I will. I still remember him from time to time. It’s the death of my only blood brother. We are just two. Now, he’s gone, I’m the only one left. He’s always remembered.”

In my years through life I have also lost some beloved ones. Friends, mentor and cousins. The news have left me with a shock. Sometimes I still recall the good times we had together.

As my uncle do say, ‘It’s first me die (It means one died before the other), everyone will eventually die one day.’