THE SAME OLD SUNSET

It is never a good sign when the sound of your body creaking is louder than the dry leaves under your feet. Yet, one step forward after another, the journey must go on. For this time, it was more important than all the previous hundred times that I had been here.

The trek up this mountain was never easy. Not when I was seven, not now at forty. “But anything that is of any worth is not so easy to get” my old man used to tell me every single time we climbed up. This was our special sacred ritual from the time I was a little kid. Our way of spending every single weekend together. Bonding with each other and with the untouched, unfiltered nature around. 

Now pushing, panting, screaming, and cursing, I made my way up the punishing slope filled with thorny shrubs, loose rocks, and the occasional dirty plastic cans along the way. A permanent reminder of human existence. 

This journey was not new to me. I have never needed a map or guides for my way up. Every single twist, turn, rock and tree were imprinted within. Very few people even knew this spot up here. A flat landing of sorts untouched by humans 

But what made this so special? It is from here that one could witness a view like no other. Ethereal and almost alien-like. A panoramic, majestic view of the setting sun in all its glory. Looking upon the vast green lands like an all-powerful ruler. The view was so splendid and heavenly that the healing rays of the sun often washed away little pain that you had to endure coming up.

Brighter than the sun every time used to be the radiant smile on my dad’s face. It was his favorite trek, so was it mine. But this time it was different. It was meant to be my last time. The very last time I could witness this spectacle. Never again.

I slowly inched forward closer to the ledge. “What is it that makes this spot feel like a warm motherly hug?” I thought to myself, as I rested my hand on a large uneven rock. Still panting and parched, I dropped my bags and my body down to the ground and settled myself finally on a small boulder overlooking the seemingly endless view in front. At the back of my mind, was an unmistakable lurch in my stomach. A feeling of forced closure. Like a death row inmate coming to terms with his execution. 

A terrible unexpected ailment was destined by cruel fate. I went in to meet the doctor with my reports, expecting the worst that I imagined could happen, death. But came out with a far worse punishment. My eyes were to be removed to contain the deadly spread. I had a week to form all the memories that I needed. A week.

As I lay there on the rock, there was a moment where I had no thoughts. No worries, no hatred, nor any jealousy. Just the gentle breeze, caressing me, the vast open earth in front, and a fiery ball a million miles away glowing just for me. 

A rush of memories swept through me. The time I played here with the rocks as a kid while screaming on top of my lungs, to the time I almost slipped and fell as an arrogant teen, and then the time I came here to fulfill my Dad’s last wish many years ago. This place has indeed seen it all. Every single year this beautiful, glowing sun has been my constant companion. An objective witness to all that I was, in whom I could freely confide my year’s secrets. 

I gently focussed on the stunning sunset that was unfolding in front of my eyes. Like an all-knowing being that looks upon its children with mercy and compassion, the sun’s soothing rays as it set over the horizon lit the lush green trees and the never-ending river trails with a golden, warm grace. To think this will be the last time I could see this sight in all its glory bought me instant sadness that wrenched my heart in a twist. But the gratitude of having witnessed this for so long brought me joy. I was conflicted inside.

It was now time to leave. And I had to leave fast before the darkness sets in.

Using every last bit of energy from my screaming muscles, I tore away from the ground, standing up supported by the large boulder by my side. I stared hard into the diminishing yellow disc in the horizon, trying to capture every single instance of this memory for this will be my last every time I can see this with my eyes. The sun, much like my life was becoming darker with every passing second. Not just a philosophical metaphor but also in the very literal sense.

I turned and slowly started walking back the way I came from when it all happened in an instant. It was so inconsequential at first that it took me a while to understand the magnitude of what I just saw. A random simple sight that changed it all within. 

It was a shepherd boy. A young, scrawny teen wearing oversized clothes, passing me by with his sheep ahead of him. But it was not just him, but it was his eyes that shook me to my core.

Up until this moment, I strongly believed that it was my eyes that were seeing the sunset. Yet there he was, a young lad with perfect vision, just walking past what I considered the most beautiful sight of my life, ever, as if it never even existed, without the slightest turn to witness what I considered the most beautiful miracle. It was at this moment that it all fell into place.

I dropped my bags and rushed towards the ledge like a young boy of five, almost tripping over the loose rocks in excitement. Taking a deep, calming breath in, I stretched my hands out receiving the rays of the sun. And then, gently, I closed my eyes. 

The widest grin grew on my face as it hit me hard. It never was the eyes.