Gigi and the Detective

        The wealthy bachelor Simon Belvoir had arrived at the country house during the night. This far north it was only fifty-five degrees in August, and the place was so new there wasn’t a single amenity that had ever been used. New and cold. When he came out of his stateroom in the morning he was wearing a wool vest with four gold buttons over his dress shirt.

              Passing by the room next to his in the upper hall, the door was open and an odd-looking, bald older man was on his hands and knees examining the floorboards. The room looked like it had been thrown together yesterday.

              “Lost something old boy?” Simon asked him, and the bald man looked up with a start banging his head on the corner of a table as he rose.

              Simon rushed to assist him, helping the man to his feet as he looked momentarily bewildered and put a hand to his head to check for blood.

              “So sorry.” the younger man towered over him. “I’m Simon Belvoir.”

              “Detective Stephen J Gibler, of the agency Sneed & Gibler.” the bald man returned his handshake. “No I was just curious about the construction of this house. Did you know your vest has four decorative buttons like a blazer? It’s essentially a double-breasted vest.”

              Simon smirked. “A detective? Good lord was anyone murdered?”

              “The police don’t think so.” Gibler answered. “This house belonged to a congressman who disappeared while flying over the Himalayas, along with his entire family.”

              “So that’s the story.” Simon replied intently. “I was just curious to know if you arrived here before me. I was told I’m their very first guest, considering my family.”

              “Ah I understand. Well Sir I arrived yesterday but since I’m here in a professional capacity I think it doesn’t count.”

              Simon graciously let him pass in front of him as he stepped out of the room and took the stairs down to the dining area.

              “So is it business that brings you here?” Detective Gibler inquired.

              “I suppose you’re someone who can be trusted with secrets.” Simon replied as the man continued to check his head for damage. “For two years my family has encouraged me to marry a certain young Parisian lady of good standing, and her family has pressured her into it as well. It’s been a very long two years, I haven’t actually seen her in four months. I’m bored with the time-garnished customs my position requires me to honor.”

              “Aha, I take it you are quite a catch.” Gibler used the handrail as they made their way down the steps. “I sense you and I are from very different worlds.”

              “Paris is a different world from the rest of France.” Simon shrugged. “A young woman of good family can be raised by her dowagers not to be a man’s wife but his mistress, a position that requires a proper education if you can believe that. It’s extraordinarily difficult for them, all these social rules to earn a place that has no legal standing? My heart goes out to them.”

              “So you’re here to meet up with a young lady.” Gibler didn’t know what else to say. “Well they say love conquers all.”

              “Yes and hopefully we can subvert the system we are living in.” Simon stated as they reached the ground floor. “Did you say the man who owned this house died in a plane crash?”

              “That’s the theory but no wreckage has been found.” Gibler gave the official story.

              “Understandable considering how long that usually takes. So what may I ask are you looking for?”

              “Well Sir the congressman had political enemies.” Gibler sat down in an armchair. “His disappearance not only coincides with a voyage but with the building of this house, so I was called in.”

              “So you’re saying… he may not have boarded the plane in the first place?” Simon asked curiously.

              “I’m not drawing conclusions yet, Sir. May I ask why you don’t just cancel your marriage arrangements? It’s your choice after all.”

              “Why would I do that to someone I care deeply about?” Simon was startled by this question as if he wasn’t about to sleep around. “Ah here she comes.”

              A motor could be heard idling outside and then a plump, middle-aged woman came in the door.

              “Aunt Maudry, what a pleasant surprise.” Simon’s gentility was unflappable.

              “Not so pleasant for me.” she scolded him. “I have some strong words for you, young man. I know exactly what you are doing and I’m here to stop it.”

              “Well I know you have Miss Gisette’s interests at heart so why don’t you sit down?” Gibler was amazed by his smoothness in these circumstances. Aunt Maudry took a large seat on the sofa across from him.

              “My niece has been led to believe certain propositions that must be obeyed.” she got right down to it. “And yet here you are making sundry liaisons, risking to destroy everything we have built since she was fourteen with your gallivanting!”

              Simon nodded with a sigh and replied “Madame I had no hostile intentions toward you and I’m sorry for my ingratitude.”

              Gibler watched this in fascination wondering what would happen if his intended mistress arrived in the middle of this conversation.

              “I assume you brought her with you…” Simon continued.

              “Yes, Gigi come here please!” Aunt Maudry called out with the blare of a trombone.

              The door opened and all three of them swiveled their heads to see a young girl of no more than sixteen come inside. She was wearing a dress that imitated the sailor’s uniform and had beautiful long dark braids and a surprisingly precocious look on her face, as if she was hiding a candied apple behind her back. Gibler had expected Simon’s fiancée to be something else entirely. Simon immediately rose to his great height in deference to her as one would stand before a queen. Gigi responded with a surprisingly small blush for someone with such control over him, and sat down obediently next to her aunt.

              “Gisette this is Detective Gibler whose room is next to mine.” Simon introduced them.

              “Oh a detective! Was there a murder?” she said wide-eyed as if it was a form of entertainment.

              “Actually I’m retired.” Gibler replied. “But detectives do things besides solve murders.”

              “Are you here looking for clues?” she asked next without skipping a beat.

              “No, I don’t look for clues exactly.” he tried to explain. “Not in the way fictional detectives do. What I mean is, this house is brand new so a crime could have been committed while it was being built, and then rebuilt replacing the rooms as if it was all one construction. So in this case a forensic team is useless.”

              “How many cases have you solved?” Gigi demanded next.

              Gibler swallowed and leaned forward in his chair.

              “Well, none.” he admitted sheepishly.

              “You’ve never solved a case?” her disbelief was almost comical. “Well that’s because you don’t look for any clues!”

“Monsieur your head is bleeding.” Aunt Maudry interrupted them.

Gibler reached up and held a napkin to his scalp, thoroughly embarrassed.

“If we could return to the subject at hand which is you trying to escape your marital duties.” Aunt Maudry locked eyes with Simon. “I’m not going to stand by while this poor girl is taken advantage of in this way. Don’t you ever think of her and your future together when you’re concocting these schemes?”

“I’ll admit it was short-sighted of me, but in my defense there is a hind side to arranged marriages.” Simon responded. “They can be loveless, heartless, a cage for the woman involved in them.”

“Are you saying you want to…” her voice grew hoarse, putting one hand on her chest and gripping Gigi’s with the other.

“No of course not.” Simon rose halfway to reach out to her. “I think you know me better than that.”

“I think this is all disgusting and I’m ashamed to find myself in the middle of it.” Aunt Maudry rolled her eyes. “You have to make a choice here.” She turned and looked at Gibler. “You’re an unintended witness to this, don’t you think he has to choose between them? A gentleman meeting in secret like this to have untoward relations with my Gigi!”

Gigi covered her mouth and exchanged a comical eyeroll with Simon that said “get her out of here”.

“Wait a minute.” Gibler leaned forward in confusion. “Gigi is the girl Simon is meeting here for an affair?”

              They all stopped and looked at him.

              “Well of course, she’s sitting RIGHT HERE you dolt!” Aunt Maudry stated the obvious.

              “Then who is…” Gibler wondered if his blow to the head had dislodged his brain.

              “As I was saying, these extra-marital shenanigans will lead nowhere.” she resumed. “I’m going to share her room and never leave her side. Oh I’m sure the two of you will find a way sooner or later, and this is what I get for grooming her to be a match for you all this time?!”

              “What do you propose, Madam?” Simon responded.

              “A man who is unfaithful owes some recompense to his wife, yes? Well I think if you make even a sideways glance at her you should have to pay a fine to your future bride.”

              “You want me to pay her each time we elope?”

              “NO, what do you think she is a prostitute?” Aunt Maudry flustered like a grouse. “Just when I thought this couldn’t sink any lower. You don’t pay the person you’re cheating with, you pay the person you’re cheating on! I can’t believe I have to explain the social graces to someone in your position. When you operate outside the boundaries of what is appropriate you owe some kind of gratuity to your spouse to set her apart from the hussy who is sleeping with you for money!”

              “Could I interrupt for just a moment?” Gibler had forgotten about the investigation completely. “Miss Gigi is his fiancée AND his mistress?”

              “You’re not a very good detective.” Gigi muttered what everyone was thinking.

              “So you want me to compensate the family for the risk of an uncertain future for her I’ve created for my satisfaction.” Simon deduced.

              “Yes or we will have to sue.” Aunt Maudry crossed her arms.

              Simon contemplated this strange turn of events, picturing Gigi on a witness stand testifying against herself.

              “Well since you’ve come all this way why don’t we make the best of it?” he suggested. “It would be a shame for us to be sharing a hotel if two fiancées can’t see each other.”

              “That’s exactly what I’m here to promote, I mean prevent.” she corrected herself. “I mean this is how you save a relationship, by keeping your hands to yourself!”

-

              That afternoon Detective Gibler took a visitor from the police department outside. Simon was the only person who noticed them, looking down from his upstairs window.

              “I’m just saying the fact that the house was under construction when the family disappeared is a much bigger convenience than their taking a holiday.” Gibler was saying. “People go abroad all the time, but building a new home happens once in a lifetime.”

              “You think their all getting into a plane is a coincidence?” the sergeant lowered his voice. “That plane hasn’t turned up you know. I don’t know why you were put on this case but this house is forensically clean. They checked every board going back to its maker, and you know there is no case without science.”

              “I disagree.” Gibler gave a surprising rebuke. “I think we’ve reached an age where technology can erase a crime totally, and therefore forensic science is useless.”

              “Then how can you hope to solve a case?” the sergeant returned to his vehicle.

              “The house hasn’t been disassembled yet.” Gibler responded. “I’ll go to the housing authority!”

Simon sympathized with him when he came back upstairs.

              “Not easy pickings, old boy. But there’s something I don’t understand.” he said. “If you don’t believe in all this forensic nonsense why do you want the house torn down? What do you expect them to find?”

              “I don’t.” Gibler answered with a wink. “I want people to think it’s going to be done.”

              When the detective had returned to his room, Gigi peeked mischievously out of her door and saw Simon waiting for her. As she scampered over to him she caught her own reflection in the mirror and thought for a moment he was with another girl.

              “Auntie’s taking a bath!” she whispered as if it was cause for celebration, letting him drop a kiss on her cheek. “So how do you ditch an old bag?”

              “Shh. She wants what’s best for you.” he placed his index finger on her lips. “I have to think by keeping us apart she’s bringing us closer together.”

              “And how are we supposed to manage that?” she demanded. “It would destroy us if you had relations with some girl I want to have with you myself if she were her, I mean if I were me. And you’re saying this hand that wants to stop her from kissing you is actually the way my lips are going to get past some uncaring bitch?”

              “Well why don’t we try it?” Simon didn’t know what else to suggest.

              Gigi raised her hand to stroke his face, his own hand holding it back as their bodies came together, her fingers sneaking through his until they were entwined. Then they sort of bent down together as he tried to lift her blouse on the right side and she swatted him away while her left arm crept up around his neck. Gibler watched this bizarre foreplay from the crack in his door.

              The hall was empty when he left to make inquiries in town, not knowing where they could have gone since they could not be caught together anywhere by her aunt. In actuality when Aunt Maudry came out again she heard someone running down the stairs, but she and a breathless Gigi could see Simon was alone and they smiled at each other in relief.

Gibler would be gone for hours, during which Simon wrote an amorous poem he intended to slip his fiancée at dinner…

              “Mon cheri, your honor is a fortress we have mortared together

              and I am a knight willing to breach any wall that divides us

              and slay any knave that does not keep his commitments

              or harms another, lest I die. I would rather bring

              a sword to my own throat than allow any man to look at you

              or any fool to stop us. And in my sacrifice

              we will defeat all rules against lovers.

              Preserve this message and burn anything that says so

              for untoward vows and delights are only waiting

              for us to expose them, and them us.”

              He folded and sealed it to give to her later. He was concerned that his friend Gibler was gone until well-after dark, but eventually the dim headlamps of his little car did appear in the drive. The detective stumbled out, a bandage covering his broken nose. Simon rushed to assist him.

              “It’s fine.” Gibler reassured quietly. “He was a nobody, a young mugger hired as easily as breathing. He doesn’t know anything, there’s no point in retaliation.”

              “But why?” Simon helped him to the door.

              “I made it appear the house is going to be demolished for evidence.” Gibler answered. “I even waved a phony certificate under the department’s noses, and I was pushed in front of a bus on the same day. I knew I was on to something. That man and his family were slaughtered here.”

-

              Simon knew Gigi’s aunt had discovered the note because the next morning she had summoned a lawyer. They were all waiting for him in the sitting room at breakfast, the precocious Gigi trussed up in an outfit that bound her at the waist with an enormous bow. They made him sit down to sign a contract that there would be no more intimate forays, in exchange for which the family agreed to let them marry in April. Simon asked Mr. Gibler to be a witness, his nose held together with a plastic clip.

              Simon bent down to read the lengthy provisions, which included awarding his fiancée with a holiday if they were found at the beach together, or a piece of jewelry of equal carat if he was seen purchasing tokens of affection.

“Darling you’re signing the wrong name!” Gigi pointed out as his hand shook. Simon corrected himself.

“Now that this unsavory business is behind us,” Aunt Maudry clutched the paper, “have you discussed a location for the wedding?” “Not here obviously.”

“No that wouldn’t be appropriate.” Simon exchanged a glance with Gibler. “I understand this house is going to be torn down.”

“Oh? What for?” she responded.

“Detective Gibler has made some progress in his investigation…”

Suddenly a car horn that was almost obnoxious in tone blared so close to the window where Gibler was sitting he jumped out of his chair. He excused himself and went outside to meet an evil-looking antique automobile as Simon watched him from behind the glass.

Gibler’s senior partner Mr. Sneed was a large man of about sixty with a broad, russet-colored face. “What have you done to yourself?” he demanded in a cruel voice.

“I think I’m getting somewhere…” Gibler started to say.

“We are on vacation!” Sneed backhanded the side of his head so forcefully Simon was shocked by the brutality of it, knocking him down as he had done many times before. In this one moment Simon could see an abusive relationship, although why anyone their age would be so petty he couldn’t fathom. Gibler winced, holding a hand to his ear as he obediently got into the car and they motored away, leaving a cloud of dust over the house and everything in it.